Waiting for an assessment

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So I'm currently waiting for an assessment for aspergers. It's doing my head in waiting and not having a final answer. I realise no-one can accurately and properly diagnose someone on a forum but it is driving me insane obsessing about things I do, the way I am, the way I think etc. and whether it fits with the suspected aspergers. I think the biggest concern I have is that to a large extent I am very high functioning and have spent considerable time over the years figuring out how to get by so I don't appear to be struggling with the issues I have in many given situations, or at least the issues I have don't always affect the overall outcome or success of the situation, just how I'm processing it. I hope I'm making some sense?
Anyway, I have just started university, staying at home and studying Occupational Therapy. I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed by the situation and everything feels unstable and unsettled. I tried to explain to my personal tutor, who is aware of my situation, that I'm having a lot of trouble organising myself, my time, what I need to do, where I need to be etc. and it feels like everything is very chaotic, even when actually, when you look at things, I generally have things organised and planned in great detail, but maybe just not enough for me, I don't know. I feel like I'm making a fuss over nothing or people will think I'm making it up because I'm saying I'm struggling to keep organised etc. when on paper it appears I am.
Feeling I wasn't able to explain myself properly or articulate what I was trying to get across, I attempted to write down some points on some things I struggle with which I felt may have at least some small impact on my studies at university. This is what I shared with her:

- I need and cannot function without structure and routine, anxiety is easier managed knowing what’s coming next, yet paradoxically generally struggle with organization and planning difficulties.

- mixing/socializing with peers.

- Verbal communication/conversation in an ‘unstructured situation’ i.e small talk/ casual chatting.

- Eye contact.

- Difficulty understanding what’s not explicitly said/ generally taking things literally.

- Rubbing/twiddling fingers, feeling the smooth texture of either my nails/fingers or small objects against my lips, biting my nails - all a lot.

- Obsessive tendencies.

- Easily overwhelmed by crowds, busy, noisy environments, multiple demands – in terms of tasks to be completed, concentration, switching tasks quickly without stress, especially without a sense of completion on the previous tasks.


- I have this thing that I don't really know how to explain, it's like, I don't literally see people/things or literally hear them, I know they're not physically there and I can't hear them like as if we were talking in person but I literally spend the most part of my waking time, kind of in my own little world where the things/people are there and I hear them and kind of interact with them in my imagination. There are moments when I'm more present and it's not there at all, but most of the time, I just have to try and hide it if people might be around. Sometimes I'm myself, as I am in real life but sometimes I'm different. It can be different kind of situations, sometimes it's (the situations and interactions) more related and incorporated into whatever I'm doing at the time, like today i was baking at home on my own and it's like other people are there too, or if I was driving or walking along the street, I'd just hide it probably so well hopefully no one ever notices. Sometimes though, like if I'm in my room, the place/situation I'm in is entirely different to reality, and then again, people are there too. My mum told me she knew but my dad didn't know as I guess I was able to hide it more from him. I think I notice the more stressed I am, it gets stronger and the more I shut myself off from everyone/everything else. It doesn't stop or lessen if I happen to be more isolated, it's not caused by that but if I'm really stressed I know I feel I need to shut off more and spend a lot more time, more heavily in my own little world. Or if I spend too much time (for me) with other people then it's like I need to retreat into it more. I guess I think maybe to some extent it's a kind of coping mechanism.

Can anyone here diagnosed relate to these things?

I'm sorry I didn't intend to write so much but I've sort of gone on a bit. Thanks if anyone's made it to the end and of course to any replies!

Well, of course most of the things you listed sound ASD, and also of course (and as you noted), we can't DX you. I know saying to a (potentially, anyway) ASD person, "Just don't obsess about it...relax" is like saying to a person on fire, "Just don't think about those flames," LOL, BUT in reality you can't do anything about it right now. You have to wait about your assessment.

In the meantime, just be aware that a DX, or not, will not change anything about who you are. You are you. It could, however, explain a lot to you (if it does turn out you're on the spectrum) about yourself and just make you feel relieved about that. Or, if it's something else, perhaps that will be uncovered and can be addressed. Therefore, you're going in the right direction and you should soon have some answers. Hang in there and good luck!

Thanks for replying!

Yeah, I think you got it in one there, I guess nothing has or will stop me obsessing about it, I can't help it, I just hope when the assessment comes around, it will go some way to mitigating that.
I'm supposed to find out whether I will receive funding for 'route a' on 12th oct, which I've been told if approved, I am to be offered an appointment, not just put on the waiting list (there's been a lot of trouble with the referral being messed up and people passing the buck etc. so my mum's been brilliant in fighting my corner and getting things sorted sooner), failing that there's 'route b' where I'm still on local service's waiting list. I dread to think what kind of a time scale is on there now. The referral process started around April this year and they said it's up to two years

I guess aside from being able to make sense of a lot of things and being a bit more understanding towards myself and not just hating myself and believing there must be something inherently wrong with me as a person, I'm hoping the assessment and to be perfectly honest, I'm hoping diagnosis will just mean I can stop the incessant questioning.