Aspies struggle to give emotional support?

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My gf most probably has aspergers. Can go into more detail at a later point, but does this sound like asd?
Whatever level of serious or tragic situation, she can't seem to register or at least communicate either what she feels or what's an appropriate level of emotional support. For example after a bereavement, I finally opened up and told her the horrors of what i was going through and what i'd witnessed, she basically said 'thank you for telling me that. I love you very much.' Which of course is great, but isn't a typical response. The typical response is showing empathy for the immediate circumstances i was going through, and communicating that she understood and tried to relate to what i was saying. I'm sure she feels bad about what i was going through, but i was confused as it didn't seem to be communicated to me.
So, are the aspies here similar? And if so, can you please give me an insight into what my gf may have been feeling. I knoe she feels a lot, but it's hard to translate what that may be, and i don't want to hurt her by expressing my frustration when in fact she may be feeling just as much as me inside.
Thanks!

She may feel strongly about this, and not be able to communicate that, or be totally lacking an empathetic response. I would lean towards the second myself, but no one here can tell you what your GF is feeling. Acceptance is the key, she is wired differently to you, and venting your frustration will not be any benefit to either of you or your relationship. I don't see any problem with asking for clarification from her when you are feeling less emotional. She loves you, that is the important part to keep in mind.

I'm sorry you have lost someone, who, I'm assuming, you were close to.

Actually, my NT boyfriend truthfully says I'm the most understanding, empathetic, caring, thoughtful girl he's ever known. He says I am emotionally bright when it comes to my own feelings and other people's, and I'm so good at reading him and communicating my feelings. He says I'm slow in other ways (I did ask him to give me honest feedback of what I'm like), like I'm slow in things like following some instructions or looking for something in shops, that sort of thing. But on the emotional side of things, I am very, very good.

And he's not the only person who has said that to me.


Am I really an Aspie?

Whether or not she felt it I don't know, but she probably didn't know that showing empathy was a typical response, or maybe she thought she was showing empathy.

It's common for Aspies to struggle expressing empathy OP but it's not required Joe. There are some who can be very good at it like me with my girlfriend.

I think that autism precludes typical social responses and especially where emotion is concerned. From what I understand not being able to explain emotions is tied to literal thinking, and inability to process non-verbal communication intuitively.

I have seen people on this forum passionately argue that the above doesn't have to be true for one to have autism, but I don't understand how you can differentiate it from any other disorder or even just personality without such impairments. Sensory issues and other aspects of autism are not nearly as important as the social cognition deficits IMO.

TBH from what you've written in the past I think you match better with just ADHD, don't shoot me please.

She may just have been overwhelmed.

I have heard even NTs say it's hard to know what the right thing is to say or do when someone is grieving and that the feel like they've screwed it up.

Yes

Ah. I think I'm pretty similar to your girlfriend in how I respond to such things. I think she really does care and does love you but some people on the spectrum don't respond in the 'typical' way. For me that's because I'm not so sure how I can help any other way. When someone's upset I usually ask them if they want a cup of tea or anything to eat.

I personally find it rather easy to sympathize,but I find it difficult to connect,to empathize,however I'd say I'm not wholly unable to empathize,but it is unpredictable,for example if I hear of something awful to someone,I would think something like,"how awful,I don't wish that upon anyone,but I may not be able to feel much about it,but because I know that it is a horrible thing to happen to someone and I don't want that to happen to me either,I can sympathize with the struggle,but I may have a hard time relateing to the emotional pain,but sometimes,out of nowhere,I feel my emotions turn on more,and I suddenly find it hard to contain them,then they may turn off a bit more,and I can't connect as well emotionally,but I am never devoid of emotion,in fact sometimes,when I hear bad news I think,"why don't I feel bad about this?"and maybe sometimes later BOOM,they activate more,but in the end emotions are unreliable,there like the tides,what really matters is action,true love is always concerned with another,not oneself,a good test of love is when you are willing to care for another,even when its hard.

I think that is a great response - she's saying she heard you, and understands you and loves you. What more could you be after. I think most of those NT responses are shallow and meaningless; just words, her response shows great empathy and feeling.