Dumbing Things Down

Post Reply New Topic

One of the most annoying things I find regarding Asperger's is that every once in a while, when someone realises I'm autistic, they immediately assume I'm not intelligent. Then they'll start speaking to me slower and would start "dumbing things down", as if they were talking to a young child. I recall one time, for example, my mother was speaking to someone on the phone, and that person asked to speak to me briefly. Knowing I'm autistic, she proceeded to talk as if I was a baby and later asked if I could "hand the phone back to mummy". I get that their intentions aren't mean at all, but I really don't like this association that if a person has a form of autism, that immediately means they're not intelligent

I've never mentioned I'm autistic, but a lot of people have automatically assumed I have the brain of a 2 year old and I have no idea why or where they get they get that sort of idea from. I've had complete strangers talk to me like a toddler or some kind of cute little animal. The people who do know I am autistic are some of the only people who speak to me like I'm my own age. Or people who know me better than just seeing me. I know people are only trying to be nice but it does hurt. I've been told how much of a good girl I am a lot. I don't know what to do.

Edit: missed some words out, sorry.

Last edited by iliketrees on 02 Oct 2015, 4:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

People, including college professors, and my own mother, do this to me quite a lot. The first time I met one of my college professors, she spoke to me normally, the way she would with anyone else, but the minute I told her I had autism, it was like a switch flipped, and she suddenly started speaking more slowly, and in a high, overly-friendly tone of voice as if I were a child. When we attend unfamiliar social events like going to one of my parents' friends' houses, my mother treats me this way too. She smiles a lot and acts really sweet and protective, getting my food for me and repeatedly checking in to see if I'm okay. She doesn't do this at all with my eighteen-year-old sister. I know she's just trying to be helpful and make sure I'm comfortable, but it feels like she thinks I'm a baby, which in turn causes all her friends to think they have to treat me that way too, so they do.

Luckily I've never encountered someone who acts like that around me, but it annoys me anyway.
StarTrekker, your own mother acts like that?! Hmm...what if you told her outright that you don't need to be treated like that? Would that work? [Did you get my pm, by the way?]

hahaha jokes on them!!

I don't mention it. The few times I've even hinted at it (for example, at my son's IEP) I get the "I never would have guessed" stuff and the questioning "Tell me all the details" look. I can't be sure the former is true - I always wonder if the person is just trying to make me feel better or something, kind of like, "Oh, you CAN'T be 48!" - and as for the latter, it's frustrating to me to try to give examples as I suddenly feel like I'm defending my position or something, which doesn't make much sense to me; plus, I don't always think it's the person's business.

I just let people think I'm strange. It's the path of least resistance, I guess.

Yeah...I've been strange all my life. To be normal would be quite an adjustment for me.

Being strange is so much fun! Yay for Aspies!

Yes, I got your PM, thanks As for talking to my mother, she's the sort who gets irrationally offended and defensive whenever you suggest anything to her that sounds vaguely like criticism. If I told her I think she's babying me, she's guilt trip me and say things like, "Well I'm only trying to help!" and generally make me regret saying anything. It won't be like this forever though. One day I'll move out.

Perhaps I'm thinking differently than most here, but sometimes I prefer others' "dumbed-down" speech in the sense of direct literal meaning versus metaphors, sarcasm, et cetera. Of course not everyone here is hearing impared either.

I notice this with my boss at work. He doesn't know anything about my suspected ASD but he knows that I struggle with anxiety and certain aspects of my job. He is very patient with me, which I am incredibly grateful for. But occasionally he will say "well done" to little things that I'm sure are no big deal, as if they were an achievement for me. I guess he is right and I appreciate it, but it can feel slightly condescending even though that isn't his intention.

This is why I'm not going to disclose widely. I don't think that even today the autism spectrum is well-enough understood by the general public for there not to be these types of misunderstandings and stereotypes. To let someone know you are on the autism spectrum, and then because of their own misapprehensions about the spectrum they proceed to treat you like you're an idiot -- or like you're a delicate flower, or whatever the mistake they'll make with me, I just don't want to invite that.

This is why I still try as much as I can to pass for NT and keep my diagnosis to myself; I just don't want to deal with battling the mistaken beliefs people might start pulling out of their asses.

I've also had this happen, and it's a reason why I quit a volunteer position in college where I worked as an aide at a preschool for children with severe developmental disabilities. This was before I was diagnosed with Asperger's. I also think that getting my last job through Easter Seals contributed to being treated differently because the manager would often ask me to do something, right after I had just done what they were asking me to do. Basically, I knew what my duties were, and did them without being asked.

I need people to tell me or ask if I am paying attention.

Rarely do I object when someone gives me instructions and asks for me to recall them back. That way I know I'm more likely to get something done right the first time. Sometimes I'll repeat their words without a request just to be sure.