I want to fire my psychiatrist.

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I’ve seen her five times now, and I feel it’s been a waste of time and money, unfortunately. It took a lot for me to even approach this, as I never go to the doctor (ANY doctor), and I don’t’ drive, have four kids, which means my husband must take time out of his workday to take me to appointments on top of the many appointments our kids have. The thought of going through this all over again, finding a new doctor, blah, blah, makes me want to scream. I wouldn’t even know where to look -- it’s been explained to me that my city doesn’t have many clinicians who specialize in adult AS. I’m becoming very depressed.

The main objective in my seeking a psychiatrist (she was referred to me by my physician) was to obtain an official AS dx, and then receive some guidance, understanding and actual learning tools to help me cope. The woman obviously doesn’t “get” me, nor does she offer anything other than sixty minutes full of awkward silences, a few questions pertaining to my abusive childhood, and a disinterested “yeah…yeah…” GAH! Drives me up a wall, especially considering I have such a difficult time expressing myself as it is -- and talking about my emotions is like trying to speak Latin. During our last visit, for instance, I complained a bit about what a bad day I’d been having, how I was extra sensitive to the sun and motion of the car that day, then waiting in her fluorescent-lighted office, and by the time I saw her, I was feeling quite ill. She actually asked me if it was “that time of the month” for me. Um. No?

Instead of getting to the meat of the situation (thus the whole point of my visits), the first thing she asks me when I sit down is about my writing. I already told the woman that I haven’t been able to write in two years (a lifelong interest of mine that eventually became a vocation of sorts), and how it’s freaking me out. If she had a clue about what AS is and how it’s affecting me, she might make the correlation between my not writing or even *reading* literature, and my regressive AS behaviors (I‘ve been “slipping“ deeper into behaviors that I‘d thought I “overcame“ somewhat).

She hasn’t asked me about what I experience and have experienced since childhood regarding AS characteristics, hasn’t given me the promised referral to a diagnostic center for testing, and is now wanting to begin cognitive behavioral therapy to “fix dysfunctional thoughts,” which she introduced by rifling through a pile of papers until producing a few fact sheets on the Beck Institute, then apologizing for not having blank worksheets that I’m supposed to fill out three times a week She said, “Oh, you can make up a sheet on your own, I suppose.” Please, I can barely force myself to take a shower these days let alone trying to create some worksheet about my thoughts -- thoughts that leave me confused as it is.

Also, I’d expected some sort of written report by now, something tangible that details an AS diagnosis, but haven’t received a thing. She did say during our first session that she thinks I most likely do have AS (duh), but that was the last time she ever acknowledged it.

I have a question to those of you who are seeing a shrink: Is the above description of psych sessions typical? Am I being impatient? Should I just fire the doctor, and if so, where would I go from there?

I'd be interested to hear from those diagnosed if this is what they encountered as well. It sounds to me like she is "looking" for issues she can treat and therefore charge you a fee, rather than focus on AS which has no treatment or cure. I haven't seen anything encouraging on the site yet as to services to help adult Aspies (how to read eyes, biofeedback for sensory problems, etc.).


I'm with Hamster. I don't want to be go in for diagnosis just to get caught up in a bunch of Psych speak so they can try to find a way to make money off me.

Hamster, if this is an example of an expert on AS in adults, can you even imagine a shrink with no experience? This person has talked to you about anything to do with AS and has ignored your AS issues. I do not blame you at all for wanting to fire her! What a charlatan!

Thats sooo annoying! I don't think that this is a good situation to be in. although I'm no expert. I feel It is of utmost importance to feel safe and calm with a pschiatrist. I think you were having a bad day. Have you looked at depression? That is very coman with aspies. Especially that you are going backwords. I hope thing work out.

I was just going to make a quick comment:

There is something wrong with your psychiatrist - not you(even though you have problems).

Ask for a referal to treatment alternatives: would be therapeuatic even though you have complex problems that you see important to talk about. Then if you have problems then you can blame it on the "specialist"?

ZanneMarie, I was wary of her right from the get-go -- during our inittal contact via phone, when I asked her how many patients she's currently treating with adult AS, she responded with, "none," then added that she is, however, treating some "severely autistic" adults, and a couple of "ret*d with Asperger's." Direct quote.

I seriously have become more and more depressed since seeing her, more disorganized, unable to cope with even the smallest irritations or even keep with my previously important routines. I'm thinking this can't be good.

I think diagnosis should be separate from treatment. It sounds like your psychiatrist treating you for whatever she might find. Frankly, people are like cars - after a certain age there's always something to fix.

Psychiatrists don't take orders from patients, only from other doctors. I hate them. But you can try asking for a written diagnosis. I wonder if she thinks she gave you the Dx verbally and that's enough.

If she says "Why do you want a written diagnosis?" don't answer it. That's not part of what you've asked her to do. She's seen enough of you to diagnose, in writing, now.

Also, who is her "boss" in your situation? Is it some other doctor who referred you? In that case, they might communicate with each other and leave you out of the loop.

Hamster,

Here's the bottom line, you sought the diagnosis because you hit writer's block (actually a very common NT thing) and you want to know if your AS contributed to that. That is very specific. This woman is all over the place and not addressing that or your diagnosis at all. She has to go. That's it. She is making you depressed. That will equate to a new problem and money in her pocket.

As to AS traits you thought you had overcome, mine seem to come and go. Sometimes that has seemed arbitrary, like a short in an electrical system. So, it's been like my messaging has worked for awhile then becomes messed up again for no apparent reason (to me). I look at that like electricity. If it's faulty, sometimes the symptoms come and go. Sometimes it has good connection and sometimes bad. Frankly, there isn't a shrink on earth who is going to tell you your brain is doing that because they aren't in Neurology and can't explain it that way and couldn't do a thing for you if they did. They want to "talk" you better. Whatever.

The other time my AS traits seem to come to the fore is when I'm overloaded at work with projects or I've hit a major stressor in my life like losing my dad and an aunt I was close to within 8 months of each other. Also, if I get too tired during bouts of insomnia, I get some traits showing up that have been gone for a long while. To me, that is your brain not having the resources to handle it all so it gives processor time to the part of your life that needs it most and some things get left behind with no processor time or very little. Hence, things that your brain had learned to handle another way, get left in the dust and show up again. And while a shrink might be able to help with things like that, the truth is that I know what's causing it and only time to get over the grief or get the projects done will fix it. I don't need to pay someone to "talk" to me about it and attempt to drug me out of it. As far as I'm concerned, that just messes me up all the more.

For yourself, my feeling from reading what you wrote is that you have very specific needs, starting with the "why can't I write" issue and ending with some practical things you would like some help learning to do. I don't think those are mental issues myself. It all sounds very lucid and logical to me. If your frustrated and depressed, it's because no one is bothering to listen.

Her comment that she has helped some ret*d with Asperger's just shows she knows nothing about it. Make her open her DSM-IV right in front of you and show her what it says. I'd call her on that crap. She has no business putting herself out there as being someone who knows about treating an adult with AS if she doesn't even know the accepted traits. How can you trust any diagnosis she gives you? She isn't only wasting your time and money, she's causing new problems that you don't need. Kick her to the curb and get someone else.

Last edited by ZanneMarie on 12 Mar 2007, 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yep,kick this loony to the curb....Sounds to me that she is in over her head an reverting back to some "old school" psycho babbeling.Aspies dont do "transference" so this Fruadian s**t with staying silent is not effective(actually doesnt work that well for NT's either but they seem to enjoy having someone to babbel to).

Before I found out about As,I had someone who used RET,and I did find it somewhat helpful.I guess it is a form of Cognitive therepy but uses logic and they dont just sit there and get paid to do nothing.Maybe others who practice it arent as good as the individual I worked with but she did get me to look at and question some of my belief systems that were self-destructive and make a choice about what I wanted to focus on and change in my environment.She didnt know crap about AS(nor did I,because this was 1990,before it was even listed in the manuel).But she didnt waste my time talking about "why" I thought they way I did,(black and white thinking,catastrophying,over sensitive to people and environment,emotionally detached,dissociative,intellectualizing)These were all things she mentioned but did not try and analyse them but help me change what I was focusing on and let go of counterproductive behaviors.I was also given some ideas about how to get orginized which I really needed.

The psych who I saw for my DX was not helpful with any practicle advice or skills training.He never even mentioned CAPD,which I learned about here.All he was able to do was be an "ear" for me to go tell about my "issues"...waste of time and money for me.I dont understand how people who are supposed to be "experts" on adult AS,end up reverting to traditional therepy,which I think is a waste of time for AS.It's just another stranger to small talk to....AND I am expected to pay for the "priviledge"?I think the profession has a long way to go in helping adult with AS.......I dont want to "get in touch with my feelings".....I want some practicle skills and advice to survive my daily tasks and work.

You should definitely never go to anyone who has never seen an Aspergers patient before. Have you checked the internet for AS specialists in your area? Have you spoken to anyone at you local autism society and see who they recommend?

Now note I don't know you and don't know your life history so don't take this personal. Is it possible that she is a decent psych and she is detecting you have other things besides Aspergers? Perhaps you don't have Aspergers but have something else. Maybe she is fully aware of Aspergers symptoms and maybe not. Is she open to your bringing in printouts about Aspergers diagnosis and pointing out to her why you think you have it?

Something else you said you wanted a diagnosis so you could receive guidance and learning tools, etc. The diagnosis really gets you nothing other than however it helps you internally to know about yourself. There is no real help so called professionals offer to adult Aspies. There are no classes, treatments, etc. I have a diagnosis and the only thing it has gotten me is to be treated worse by people I've told and being constantly asked by the local autism group to be a speaker for them. I suspect the audience goes home and laughs about the weirdo woman that spoke. So what has it really gotten me ...nothing, not even a toaster oven.

I would recommend that you find a good PhD or MSW who treats Asperger patients with cognitive-behavioral therapy. Psychiatrists are necessary only for prescribing medication if you need it. A good counselor is all you need! Mine is an MSW who treats Asperger patients and she's awesome. Aspies need someone to communicate directly with us and tell us what they think we should consider when trying to solve whatever problems we're facing (anxiety, depression, etc.). But do keep in mind that a counselor is probably not going to focus on the AS part of you, because they don't want YOU to! I understand that point. We may have AS, but it's a hardwire problem that's never going to change, so they're probably going to focus on whatever you're struggling with at the time, anxiety, depression, whatever, and advise you how to get through these problems. Their job is to teach you to handle anxiety, sadness, communication problems, etc. not "fix" your Aspergers. They are worried about helping you fix the actual problems caused by the AS, not the AS itself. If you look hard enough at your situation, you may find that you're actually wanting her to make the AS go away. I know I've been there!! But you have to let go of that notion and start working on your specific problems and not the AS itself - it's here to stay for us all, I think! Good luck to you.

ZanneMarie, it's no wonder you're one of my favorite members here -- you always make a lot of sense. Everything you wrote in your last post really hit the nail on the head for me, especially when you mentioned unexpected situations, like a death or other issues that pop up and make AS traits even more apparent and difficult to deal with. Oh, gawd, and the insomnia is worse than ever, and that's saying something considering I don't think I've ever had a good night's sleep in my entire life.

Although I'd been wanting to get a dx for about three years (since my middle girl was dx'ed), the real push toward seeking help was the extra stress during the past two years relating to family problems and a death in the family, on top of my other concerns with not being able to socialize, drive, work, etc...My inability to cope gracefully, and my increasing need for isolation, my disorganization, is causing problems within my family. Of course, my sudden disinterest in writing and reading alarmed me as well, but that wasn't the reason I sought help, and it pisses me off that the shrink focuses on that instead of myriad other things she should be addressing.

I wonder if I should keep my next appointment, which won't be until April 6 (she's out of town till then), and tell her pointblank everything I wrote here...She may take it as an insult, but at this stage in the game, I couldn't give a crap. She'll either take my words to heart and begin addressing my issues, or she won't. If she does the latter, I shall tell her to take a flying leap to Tahiti and be done with her.

Krex, you wrote: ."I dont want to "get in touch with my feelings".....I want some practicle skills and advice to survive my daily tasks and work."

BINGO!

Ticker, I suppose it *is* possible that she's a decent shrink, but perhaps not experienced enough with adult AS. As I stated before, she did say during our first session that she thought I probably did have AS, but has since left it up in the air. It'd be hard not to recognize the signs, as I'm 43 and still cannot deal with driving, light, sounds, etc., as well as lifelong social issues, inability to get and hold a job, difficulty with verbally expressing myself, learning problems, poor eye contact, horrible handwriting, synesthesia, insomnia, AS dx'd in my immediate family... I honestly believe that if it weren't for my husband of seventeen years, I'd be out on the street begging for change. I could go on and on. I'm not a math whiz, though, and my special interests revolve(d) around words, books, writing instead of the more unique or stereotypical things. Well, unless you count my obsession with owls during my girlhood.

Unnamed, thank you for that. My problem lies in finding a good therapist...I'm so glad that you've found one, though! Any chance you live in Rochester?

Well, I can't really speak to driving. Maybe it helped that I grew up in the country and learned to drive a tractor first, then my dad bought us a golf cart. Okay, so I did tend to cut corners too short and my brothers had to jump out and tip the darn thing back over so we didn't all get crushed, but we survived and I learned to drive. I still have almost zero peripheral vision (funny that they found that so long ago with me) and have to turn my head to see anything next to me (including cars in that lane). I still have horrible night vision and don't drive much at night. I have bad depth perception so I stay back too far. But, I've managed with enough practice to pass the driving tests and not have accidents.

Social skills forget it. People seem to like me in spite of the fact that I am strange (their words). I wouldn't say I have a lot of friends, but I don't think I have less than most NTs. Most NTs have one or two good friends and tons of aquaintances. There seems to be a myth that NTs have multitudes of "friends" and the NTs here could tell you that is just not true. Most people have people they hang out with for similar interests. That isn't so far off Aspies when you come to think of it. Our interests just tend to be different. I'm not going to any baby showers or tupperware parties any time soon and frankly, I could care less. If they want to talk about a great book, an art house flick, physics or Beethoven, I'm there.

Okay. So let's talk about the deaths. No one wants to talk about this, least of all us. Here's what I know. I went through this when I was 11 when I lost both grandmothers within six weeks of each other. I completely lost it. Half the time I didn't even know what was going on at school or at home. I would go to classes at the wrong times and sit and stare during tests. Six months into that one of my teachers finally held me back after class and asked me what was going on. I just said, My grandmothers died. She got out of me that I lost both of them that close together. Then, she did the coolest thing. She told me that everyone experiences grief differently and at their own pace. I couldn't get past seeing my grandmothers in a coffin and frankly that was the only way I could see them afterward and it really bothered me. She didn't act like I should be over it quicker or I should be able to remember them as they were or any other stupid thing. She just told me to let myself go through it and eventually I would start to function normally again. About a year after they died, I did come out of it.

No more big deaths until I lost my dad, then his sister within eight months of each other. Same thing. It was like I shut down. It wasn't all at once. It was almost like a slow shutting down. I started to forget things. I couldn't handle any stress suddenly. I felt like the simplest things overwhelmed me. Things I could do so easily before were completely beyond me. I might start driving to work and half way here (a 40 mile trip) realize I was below empty. Things I never did before. If you aren't working, you may find yourself not remembering to take out something for dinner or even cook it. You might not put out things in the mail or do your online banking. You may have a check in your wallet that six months old (welcome to the club, I have ten of those right now). You may not feel you can do housework suddenly and could care less if the dust chokes you. It may be 1,000 tiny things that happened over time and you feel like this can't be grief because I don't feel sad and besides, that happened so long ago (1 1/2 years for me, how about you?).

So, here's what I know. If I look at grief books, sites, etc., I'm going through it but at a much slower pace then normal. Maybe it takes longer to really hit us. Intellectually I know what happened and it makes sense. I didn't expect them to live, I wasn't surprised when they died and I didn't seem all that sad at the time. I enjoyed them while they were alive so why should I be sad now? But, I am going through it, just not in the same way. If you are doing all those things, you probably are as well. All, I can tell you is that I'm finally pulling out of it. It has taken a toll on my job and my marriage, but I'm starting to become normal again. (As to my hubby, he went through the same sort of thing when his mom died so we kind of feel we're even now because I didn't handle it so well when he did it either.)

If you think it will help to go to a grief group, go. I guarantee there will be people there experiencing this. It's not the norm, but it happens. If you want help with this AS stuff, call AS support groups (I googled them for you and can PM you some links if you want). Talk to them about who can diagnose you and what's available for assistance with our dysfunctional brains (our best friends and worst enemies). Read your insurance policy to see what's going to be covered. Nothing like a nice hefty bill when you already feel like you don't want to take care of anything!

I will leave you with Mrs. Greenleaf's advice to me as an adolescent. Everyone experiences grief differently and at their own pace. Let yourself go through it and eventually you'll start to function again. Best NT advice I ever received and it was from a 65 year old teacher and mother who grew up on a farm. She was much less expensive than a shrink and probably a hundred times more accurate.

Good luck! Oh and your writing. I suggest The Writer's Way. See if they are doing one of those workshops at a library or Barnes and Noble near you. If nothing else, you'll meet some other writers and that can never hurt!

ZanneMarie, I would appreciate the links -- thank you!

I feel sooo much better now than I did this morning. Just getting this stuff off my chest, receiving feedback from those who understand, is comforting...I wish people like yourselves lived near me...I'm stuck with Tupperware-happy gossip mongers who worship lipgloss, and idiots who seem to fear me.

Did you tell her about the AS thing when you approached her, and do you know whether she is even familiar with AS? If you want a diagnosis it might be better to see someone who is experienced and specialises in ASDs in adults, and to make it clear when you approach them that this is why you want to see them.

Does she have her own practice?

I have found that Psychiatrists that have their own practice are not the ones to go to. You would be better off if you went to a Psychologist. Has she referred medications for these supposed "dysfunctional thoughts" ? because that is what a Psychiatrist does: treats other problems other than your query. Go to a Psychologist, all they do is study behavior and most of the time: they don't know about medication and how it effects areas of the brain, just simply behavior and if they prescribed medicine they would be breaking their research (I didn't say practice because they don't practice, simply research)

You can always pretend your married to my husband who threw out tupperware someone gave us when we got married. He claims that plastic is never really clean and contains carcinogens. I'll be darned if research didn't show that later on! Anyway, feel free to use him as your excuse to the tupperware ladies. I'm sorry, your products contain carcinogens. They won't know what the heck you are talking about. They will probably promptly apply more lipgloss and gossip about the insidious meaning of carcinogens and their potential to bring about the destruction of the entire human population. Well, they may have a point.

I wonder what my husband would have to say about the potential carcinogens in a container of lip gloss. Hmmmm