Have a hard time not being shy or speaking up

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While my shyness and social anxiety isn't the main reason I believe I'm on the spectrum (I have a host of other issues...) it is the main reason I started looking into why I feel so different and 'behind' everyone else. The first time I went to a psych it was based on my issues with social situations - I had no idea ASD was even a possibility. It was only by someone else's suggestion that I looked into it further...

Anyway, I find it really hard to speak up for myself if around strangers/people I'm not comfortable with. I struggle with reading situations and often just go the "safe" route and keep quite when something is wrong because I either don't know how to tell someone something is wrong, or I'm too afraid to say anything and maybe get it wrong or get told I'm wrong/in trouble/cause more trouble than it's worth. I was constantly told by family when growing up that I should learn to stand up for myself and be more confident (this coming from very confident, often perceived as rude/blunt, people on the spectrum). I'm really afraid of doing this because I know how it can go wrong and I'm just very bad at reading people and situations. I know many Aspies can be notorious for being blunt or even rude because they speak their mind so freely - I wish I was like this - but is anyone else like me?

I think it's worse still because I have an internal "nice" rule book because I once heard someone being called very nice and I really wanted to be well liked so I started being very nice (plus it was easier for me to be nice being that I had selective mutism in childhood and am still very shy). Plus being a girl makes it even harder...

Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit like "Who cares?" (because I'm sick of pretending) I can be a bit more straightforward with people though...

I'm attempting to break out of this, so wondering if anyone else has faced this issue?

I am very talkative, when it comes to interaction within the family or 1:1 interaction with people who know me fairly good, but other than that I usually just listen and/or make short situational jokes, remarks or questions. I just don't perceive the flow of the conversation in group situations to interact for real. Plus I often have no interest in the topic.

I am also shy, but for the most part my behavior has nothing to do with shyness - people just sometimes interpret the outer manifestations of autism as shyness. For example I similarly avoid the gaze of the people nearest to me and I don't become less awkward in time. The ice never melts in my case, so to say, as often happens to shy people as you get to know them better. Also the negative feedback in the form of ridicule and bullying can make people very reserved in some situations, as has happened to me.

So I am not necessarily terribly shy, but as I would put it: other people feel socially awkward in my company and then I sense that and act accordingly.

I see nothing wrong in shyness. In any case you learn the lessons in life in solitude, in your own consciousness, no matter if the teaching is given within the social realm.

I am very much like that. It's largely because I don't want to be rude, wrong or I just don't want to make the person feel bad. I'm only like that when I'm alone in public. I tend to feel really stiff and I freeze up a lot. I'm working on it and I am getting better with it but it's a long process.

I feel pretty similar to the InquisitiveCat01. I have a really hard time talking to strangers sometimes, or speaking up. I also have a hard time speaking up about things that I feel like could bring up a stressful conversation so I tend to avoid those. The thing is that people can still tell if I'm annoyed or something is bothering me even when I don't say anything, so I guess it would be better to just say whatever is on my mind. It can be delicate to say certain things to people, and I feel like it can be hard to say things just the right way sometimes.