New to this site-non aspie w/ aspie boyfriend

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, I'm looking for help. How many times has that been used as an opener on this site? Lots I'm sure...
Anyway, I have been seeing my amazing boyfriend for a year now. I am quite certain that he is high functioning Aspergers. Although I suspected this after about our 3rd date-I have only had the courage to communicate this to him withing the last month or so. Thankfully he has taken the information in the manner that it was intended and is seemingly open to exploring this possibility. I am now determined to help him find some good qualified help. Although he is a successful businessman, he has developed coping mechanisms that must be addressed. Does anyone out there know of any qualified experts in the Austin, Texas area who specialize in the treatment of Asperger syndrome and it's often accompanying partners, ie. depression, ocd tendencies, rx drug dependency/abuse, social anxiety, etc? I love this man and I see the possibility for him to experience some much needed and deserved relief from these things that plague him...I don't want to bring someone into our lives bent on trying to change him-that is my fear-I only wish to introduce someone into our lives that will help him...
Thank you in advance for any names you might offer.
My very best,
A

My wife and I used to live in Austin (Hyde Park represent) and I saw Dr. James Linn. AS isn't one of his specialties but I liked him as a therapist. He helped me deal with my anxiety issues and helped my heal my relationship with my wife.

https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/2013/10/18/newly-diagnosed-adult-autism-seeks-therapy-advice

This article provides advise on how to identify/assess the help you are looking for & provides links/a hotline that can guide you to a list of qualified service providers that match your boyfriend's needs. 

It might also be useful to try a book such as 'Overcoming Anxiety and Depression on the Autism Spectrum: A Self-Help Guide' By Lee Wilkinson before seeing a professional.  It can be very helpful to have a sense of what common guided therapy (such as CBT) is going to be like before undertaking it with a professional so that the person seeking help has a sense of the kinds of help that they will want their chosen professional to provide (types of therapy, medication, skill development...) which will give the best chance of a good outcome. Definitely try to choose books written for adults on the spectrum though, they modify the therapy exercises in ways that allow us to get a lot more out of the experience & the additional information that many of these books provide can be very helpful in unraveling the factors that cause problems like anxiety, depression, OCD, substance abuse etc... In autistic individuals the causes can often be very different than the factors that cause these problems in non autistic individuals.

Best wishes.

Just don't pressure him towards it okay? If he doesn't agree with it, there is no need to try to force it on him. Does he want it?

Thank you to those of you who have responded thus far. I look forward to any additional posts. I will certainly check out the recommendations made.

In answer to your question Aniihya, it has taken me approximately 9 months to gently broach the subject with him-he is safe in my hands-I am in search of a prescribing therapist who will be equally as gentle. He seems to be, for perhaps the very first time in his life-breathing a bit easier (figuratively of course). We are both in our 40s so you see-he has lived a major part of his life and career desperately trying to adapt to this world around him...for the first time I believe he is seeing that perhaps there is a method to the madness or rather a bit of an explanation. He has communicated that he would like to seek a diagnosis so the literature recommended by the other poster is very relevant. I have been grateful for all of the wonderful published resources out there. If there are any NTs interested in resources to better help you understand and relate to your Aspie partner-I am happy to recommend.
Again-thank you to this community for your help.
Best,
A

So I want to post an update. My boyfriend checked himself into a detox facility over the weekend and we have been to see a counselor-a direct result of the advice given on this forum. Thank u so much. I am eternally grateful-truly-from the bottom of my heart-to u compassionate strangers. I found the resources through autism speaks-thank u (mild Maynard misanthrope)!

I am now n search of another resource. I need a read. I am looking for a book to help me help him through this phase. Specifically something geared toward helping him with dealing with the symptoms of aspergers without he aid of the drugs to ease his anxiety socially and to help him deal with reaclimating to life without rx drugs...I mean our entire existence is going to change-he is going to be starting intense outpatient therepy but I need the help-not him...thanks!! !!
Amy

My wife is reading Loving Someone With Asperger's Syndrome, by Cindy Ariel. She says it's pretty introductory, but it might be a good way to get to understand the particular issues.

Things can stress him immensely that you might never think about (like parties or certain sounds, lights, etc.), so it's a good idea to find out how it all works. Keep in mind that each Aspie is different, so what can be a serious issue for one is very minor for another. It will help you know that sometimes he is ignoring your needs because he is clueless, not because he doesn't care, and maybe you can find ways to make sure he knows what you need. Even a really smart guy may need to have things spelled out for him. I know I do.

Rudy Simone has a book too, 22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome. I haven't read it, but I've read another book that I liked by her.

Hang out here on the boards and ask questions, too. Welcome! I have learned a huge amount in the past year.