NTs who try to change you

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When I was younger I used to encounter NTs who tried to change me all the time. They often told me how to act and what to say in a very patronizing way. They were basically trying to be my parents. Some of those people were actually younger than me. They just thought they were more mature for whatever reason.

I'm happy I don't encounter those people anymore. Maybe it's because I look like I'm trying to be weird instead of failing at being human. Some people have accused me of being a hipster or asked me to turn off the act when I was just being myself.

I usually asked people like that if they were going to pay my rent in exchange for the privilege of telling me how to live my life. That usually stopped them, but then they'd start acting all pissy and tell me that they were only trying to help.

"I need help with the rent. Your advice I can do without."

That usually got rid of them.

I find that everybody does this from time to time, almost always using socially reinforced terms such as 'mature', i.e. 'this annoys people stop acting so immature' etc.

Most of the time it only bothers a subset of people and especially common if it is generally something looked down upon (i.e. autistic behaviour), which is why change is so hard. I suppose it gives credence to how dangerous blind conformity (of which everyone is guilty of at times) can be.

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Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

Have had that happen to me plenty of times in school by older high functioning level 1 high achiever "gifted" Aspie kids who will go on to become doctors and engineers. Trying to get me to act more like them basically.

I think it is a mindset on their part. I have had it happen by NTs who don't understand the way I think--they attribute my aspie traits to selfishness and manipulative tendencies which is completely off; I can be selfish at times tho i try not to be, but I wouldn't know how to be manipulative if my life depended on it because i am not that socially skilled. But strangely the attempt to change me has also come from some family members who may be aspies or at least have a lot of aspie tendencies. Some have been corrected all their lives for things about themselves that may not be wrong--just different. But they have squashed a lot of the aspie things in trying to be "normal" that they advise other aspies to do the same. They are truly trying to help but at times putting an undue burden on another person.

One of these people in my life is an aunt who made the meant-to-be-encouraging comment to me that my aspie son should outgrow his ASD "because he is high functioning." Well, he won't. He may learn to fit in better as life goes on, but won't "outgrow" it nor would i want him to. With his challenges come some pretty cool gifts in other areas that i wouldn't want him to be without. Aunt has been a teacher for years (was my teacher in elementary school, in fact) and when she taught me, back in the day, always targeted the things i had difficulty with as character flaws--such as treating my executive function issues as laziness when i was in fact overwhelmed and overstimulated with the school environment and needed help with organization rather than lectures on "working up to my potential." It was correction without truly helping, but trying to get me to be "normal." I think she probably did this to my likely aspie dad as well, since she is his older sister. So why not try to "help" her niece as well by nagging on the things she saw that reminded her of her brother's weaknesses.

I love her but now realize that tho she means well, it is not helpful to try to eradicate "aspie-ness." It does not help us to work with our strengths; it emphasizes our weaknesses. I try to be as courteous to others as possible. (like following the social conventions of taking baths so we don't stink although my young aspie says baths are "painful!" Sorry, dude, you can't be the smelly kid.) But at the same time accommodating some quirks so we can be ourselves too. We are NOT defective just by having aspie traits. This realization helps me let this type of "correction" roll off my back if it is not helpful. But it is a balance too--at times we do have to accommodate the NT world in matters such as bathing and other useful things. At those times we may need to allow that an NT has an opinion that might be helpful.

I think a certain percentage of people are uncomfortable with "differences" and try to level things off and have people fit one basic mold. That mold can change from person to person, though, so it's an impossible dream no matter what you do. If it's any consolation, I hear NTs say the same thing - that everyone is always trying to change them, bosses, spouses, even sometimes friends. There are just those people out there who want things to be all pretty much the same and even-keeled (in their estimation). That's their particular comfort zone, but again, it's an impossible dream because just as you'll never be able (even if you wanted) to change to suit them, neither will the entire world change for just one person. Everyone is different, NT or ASD.

^ ^

Yep...that's the Bottom Line, really.

Yes it's happened to me in my life time as well. It did actually used to confuse me because I think I'm ok.

Maybe they just thought they were helping, who knows?

The worst person who tried to change me was my ex. He used to say some odd things like "The world's just not ready for people like you yet". People like me? What does that even mean? I just think it was him who was a fascist bastard to be honest.

Nobody has tried to change me for a few years now thankfully and I am a better person for it.

Sometimes we do need to change and doing it on your own is hard, I appreciate the help when I can get it.

No, NTs should change their attitude.