I think I'm depressed LONG! important parts at top/ bottom

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I think I'm depressed. anyway, I feel depressed, most of the time. I started feeling it when we moved here, and it's just escalated. I tried talking to my mom, and she didn't really get it. she took me to see some woman who talks with aspie kids. she didn't mention anything about depression and I wound up crying in the middle of the session, and wanting to leave. they didn't get it.

I found this website: http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depressio ... htm#whatis myb comments are in parenthases

It said the symptoms are: WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED..

You feel sad or cry a lot and it doesn't go away. (I cry alot for no reason. I feel really sad, and just want to die.)

You feel guilty for no real reason; you feel like you're no good; you've lost your confidence. (I am no good. I have NO confidence. i feel sad. I wish I wasn't me. I'm not good enough at all.)

Life seems meaningless or like nothing good is ever going to happen again. (every things been going wrong, and I'm pretty certain everything is going to go wrong from ehre on out.)

You have a negative attitude a lot of the time, or it seems like you have no feelings.(This describes me so well! sometimes I just feel empty like theres nothing there. and then I feel sad, and I cry.)

You don't feel like doing a lot of the things you used to like-- like music, sports, being with friends, going out-- and you want to be left alone most of the time. (I never had a real interest in any of those. I want a friend. One friend who I can confide in, but I don't want to do anything wiht them.)

It's hard to make up your mind. You forget lots of things, and it's hard to concentrate. (I never can concentrate, I'm always getting upset and confused and forgetting where I put things and what I'm supossed to do.)

You get irritated often. Little things make you lose your temper; you overreact.(YES! I get anygry and upset so easily, and then afterward I feel so abd and everyone yells at me and I just cry. they think I'm crying because of what happened, but really I'm crying becuase i hate myself, I such a horrible person. I'm ugly and fat ad stupid.)

Your sleep pattern changes; you start sleeping a lot more or you have trouble falling asleep at night. Or you wake up really early most mornings and can't get back to sleep.(I wake up around 4:00 every night, and then it's hard to get to sleep.)

Your eating habits change; you've lost your appetite or you eat a lot more.( I eat when I'm feeling sad. or mad. or angry. and I'll eat anything i can find that i like. hence, the reason I'm fat. I just gained 10 pounds in a month.)
You feel restless and tired most of the time. (I hardly ever feel really energized.)

You think about death, or feel like you're dying, or have thoughts about committing suicide. (I wish I was never born. I don't think I could ever KILL myself. I just wish that I was never born.)





This website has a checklist:
http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/De ... n/teen.htm

the ones I have are:

*Snapping at people for no apparent reason, irritable
*Physically or verbally agressive(I yell scream, when I'm really angry at my stepdad I'll hit him(I HATE HIM!)
*increased passive TV watching(I'll just sit on the computer doing nothing, the TV is on and I'll just be watching it, sometiems both at once)
*changes in school behaviors(I'm so sad I'm once again attempting to get out of going to school)
*frequent absences from school
*complains of being bored
*becomes disruptive in class(no one has ever mentioned it to my mom or anything but yeah. in some calsses I'll start to talk to much. when I was really bored I started yelling and singing at the top of my lungs in one class)
*finds it hard to stay on task, loses concentration easily
*Mentally confused finds decisions difficult to make(yeah. alot. like I'll be"oh I don't know!" and get stressed over it.)
*difficulty staying still
* Stops going out with friends; shows no interest in group outings( I don't like group outings. and never do anything with friends.)
*expresses negativity about family
*lots of conflicts with parents and siblings
*changes in eating and sleep habits
* changes in feeling thinking percieving
*expresses guilt, feelings of not being good enough, worthlessness, failure
*expresses hopelessness and nothing to look forward too
*cries easily looks sad feels alone or isolated
*has fears about having to be perfect
*fearful of doing something bad
thats alot out of 31. and the other ones are only because I don't really do outside activities, I don't drive, I have no accsess to drugs or alcohol and I don't have sex.

one of the causes it says is social rejection....OOOO. I think ti's that, but it's alot more. I was basically rejected in the forth grade(no one would even come near me, or want to touch me. they would shudder if they did. my friends abandoned me.) and I've been rejected ever since, and I've always been sad about that.



I feel like no one understands me no one gets me. and this is really embarrassing, but around april when mY Grammy was dying I made up an imaginary friend. He goes everywhere with me, in my head. he helps me make decisions and figure out what to say, he has his own little voice. he's twisted, but he's the better part of me, lI wish he was a real friend. not imaginary. that makes me sad. and I can't tell anyone about him or they'll laugh at me. he understands me. I tell him all my secrets.
That makes me feel sick!! !! I'm not normal, there's something wrong with me. and then I feel more depressed. sometimes I ven find myself wishing I'm him. people would like him more than me. he's cooler than me, moreunderstanding. more everything. I'm nothing.

I really don't know what to do about any of this, I'm sad and scared, and I feel so alone.

I'm bipolar so I understand about being depressed . . .

And being overly creative with subpersonalities seems to be very common with AS people - have you ever read Donna Williams book 'Nobody, Nowhere'? She seems to view the whole subpersonality thing as negative, but I think it works just fine . . . in fact, if not for my ability to compartmentalize I don't think I could function . . .

I hope you feel better soon . . . have you ever tried antidepressants/tranquilzers? Not in huge doses - in fact, all mine are at subclinical doses - but they really do work after a couple of weeks of feeling really spacy when you start taking them . . .

Shades, Aspies are particularly susceptible to depression. That sux though that no one around you seems to know that.

Do you have a psychiatrist? Maybe if you do you can talk to him/her about it and maybe get some antidepressant meds.

Or you could go to the pharmacist and ask how much magnesium a girl your age can take (don't take any more than that daily though), since magnesium can naturally help with depression and anxiety. But as I said, don't take too much; go by exactly what the pharmacist says to take, otherwise it can have opposite effects of what you'd want.

Hang in there. Parents and professionals can sometimes be a pain in the butt. But you know what you're feeling and you have to keep talking until you can convince somebody who will help you.

In the summer of 2005, I was also dealing with a lot of the same symptoms. I went to my doctor, and she put me on Paxil, and it has worked. I do feel better. However, the fact is that Aspies are prone to depression. I feel like I have been depressed to varying degrees most of my life. It was really bad during my freshman and sophomore year in college.

I went through the same thing at probably about the same age as you. I got through it and things got better. If there is anything useful that I have learned as an adult is that there is almost always a reasonable solution to any problem. The trick is to work on finding the answer. Sometimes that answer can be tricky to find because you need to "think outside the box" as they say. It's easy to get tunnel vision and forget that you may have other choices that you have not even considered. One big problem I have always had is that the "outside world" seems a lot more big and confusing than it actually is.

For instance, junior year of high school I had massive anxiety about going off to college. My parents had kinda already set up a plan and it's what I had planned to do for a long time. The anxiety was destroying me and I set off on a self destructive course for a number of years. Eventually, do to my stupidity, going away for college wasn't even a possibility so I went to a local college. That was the answer I was looking for in the first place, I could have just decided to stay local in the first place and saved myself a lot of pain and problems that I still have to deal with to this day.