Agoraphobic Aspies?

Post Reply New Topic

It seems even here on this forum, while I have encountered other aspies who have 'anxiety' leaving the house and being out, very rarely do I see any who have actually be diagnosed and well and truly have Agoraphobia.

This of course makes me feel a little left out and alienated even here, because most of the other users close to my age or the young adults at least have the privilege of being able to actually leave the house alone.

I feel most people wouldn't understand just how limiting and miserable life can be without something that comes so simple and easy to 99% of people - when you can barely even go for a simple Sunday walk around the block without having a panic attack.

So, first I'll tell my personal experiences:

In the past, every time I'd leave the house I'd always go out with family or friends, so I had very little exposure to going out on my own.

There were a few times however where I would go short distances solo, either to the shops to get something for my parents or for solo walks to the nearby creek where I use to live.

I was perfectly fine and comfortable with this, and am still surprised with myself that at age 15 I was actually brave and confident enough to go for solo walks around the block at 5-6.30pm, well into the evening and after sundown.

I felt no sort of fear or anxiety in these sort of situations, except when coming across other people I'd put on a fearless brave face and confident demeanor (which i still do) or purposely look intimidating to avoid trouble.

This was in another place.

I moved to a new city and walked home every day from school in senior year of high school in the new city, and felt little to no anxiety.

All this evidence makes me think my Agoraphobia was only a recent onset, namely towards the end of high school when I started to think more often about how young adulthood life would be like.

It reached it's worse from Nov 2015 to June/July this year, but I've moved a third time to a now much safer and smaller city (less traffic/congestion, lower crime rate, less people, etc.) been going out more and things have been improving.

I now ride my bike solo and go for solo walks around the block or two, and just today went out of my comfort zone and went a little further than I ever have.

Otherwise, it's still a persistent problem, that I desperately hope to overcome some day.

I'm taking this one day at a time.

It doesn't help that, aside from solo bikes and walks to clear my mind, I don't actually really have any reasons to go out of the house.

I'm a depressed NEET with no friends in this new place and few family, I buy my groceries on outings with my family and anything else I order online, so aside from the beach trips every weekend and solo bike rides every other day there's no other excuses I could find to leave the house even if I tried.

What's your experiences been and what have you done to cope?

I have mild agoraphobia, by that I mean I do force myself to go out but I do feel anxious and fearful about it. I often worry that my agoraphobia might get worse. I don't know how people with severe agoraphobia cope financially, because where I come from society doesn't support those with emotional needs.

I am better at getting the bus, but walking in the street fills me with fear and panic. My 'agoraphobia' levels are much higher at rush hour times, and also evenings, and when it's dark early.

People usually call me lazy, but it has nothing to do with laziness. The supermarket is only a 5-minute walk from my house, and when I say that I am not going to the supermarket because I feel anxious of going out, the response is always "it's just a 5-minute walk!"
It's not the distance that makes me anxious. It's the thought of exposing myself at certain times of the day in public places.

I'm not sure this is true agoraphobia, or if it is just part of my social anxiety. These are the things I worry about when I'm in public:-

-being stared at
-being judged
-something happening beyond my control that will humiliate me
-passing people
-the noise and unpredictability of kids
-teenagers that horse around
-crowds

I wonder.

I am not afraid of large open spaces(unless the weather is really bad). I actually like them. What I am afraid is having a sensory overload in public and spacing out(public transportation and crowds are overwhelming because they are tight and loud), missing a stop, buying wrong ticket and getting in trouble with the ticket-inspector, missing a bus, getting into a wrong bus, being mistakenly considered a thief in a shop, getting in trouble with locals, getting robbed...

Last time I experienced a meltdown and diarrhea because I were told the next day I will have to travel 4h by train and 20mins by tram in a crowded city I barely know.
I successfully survived my trip somehow without making any mistake and I didn't feel fear/anxiety more than once (when I were about to get on the tram and I wasn't sure if it is the correct tram - I had no idea what to do if the tram is going other way) but during my way home I was already under huge sensory overload (I was falling asleep standing up) and it took me 3 days to recover.

Is it agoraphobia or the autistic resistance to change and sensory overload?
Should I try traveling like this more to get rid of the phobia? But I don't want to experience sensory overload and recover 3 days!

I deal with visiting that city better when someone else is with me - it only takes 2 days to recover, not 3. Probably because I only have to follow, not look for a way so don't have to pay attention to all the chaotic, overwhelming stuff around.
And if there is someone that can drive and we don't have to deal with public transportation I am almost alright as soon as I sleep although I might still be a bit distracted the next morning. Because I avoid the crowded, chaotic places.

That did happen to me, about 7 months ago. A shop worker was so sure that I had walked out with one of their items, even though I paid for it. (She wasn't the one who served me). And then she came marching out of the shop after me, shouting at the top of her voice that I had stolen the item, and she snatched it out of my hands and run back to the shop, really angrily. It was so unexpected, that I was lost for words, and then everyone in the street were staring at me with accusing eyes.
After I comprehended what had just happened, I went back into the shop and showed them my receipt I had, and they gave my purchase back to me and apologised.

It's a miracle that that hasn't made me frightened to go in shops again and buy anything.

I use to have panic attacks almost every day in high school and I sometimes would tell the school nurse that I was sick and would go home. I also started become afraid of the panic attacks and that made them worse. Taking deep breaths and focusing on different things around me would help a little, but I still had them. I think it was from constantly getting mistreated and bullied in high school and also not being able to have a choice to leave the situation because after I graduated they gradually started happening less. I still get panicky feelings once in a while, but it's not nearly as bad.

Last edited by slw1990 on 09 Oct 2016, 4:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Due to ongoing health issues, I have had several hospital appointments this year. Either my sister or my niece has to take me as I will not go out alone. I neither drive nor cycle but public transport is out.

When I did take public transport, I wanted the journey to end as quickly as possible and I used to sit on a single seat nearest the door if possible. I preferred single seats as I didn't want strangers plonking their uninvited selves next to me. If I got onto an already crowded bus, I would never sit on an empty seat next to someone, I would stand for the entire journey.

There are times I wish I had a gun and could shoot everyone so that I could continue my journey alone without their hassle.

And I dread having to spend time in hospital because it would mean having to share a ward with other people.

Same. Public transportation helps.

I am blessed my city has a private bus system; you call the service and can be dropped off anywhere you request in the area code, so long as you can pay and are willing to tolerate the other passengers.

It is cheaper than taxi.



Personally, I can walk very short distances, but it is difficult.

I share your fears, along with a few more, such as coming across as dangerous to others unintentionally.

I am overly-cautious for these very reasons.

I try to avoid having anything to do with children or teens. Kids can run in the way and if you bump them, as soon as they whine to their parents they could get angry at you.



Yes, nature is one of my few open comfort zones. The more secluded the better. Less sensory overload, more peace and quiet.

At the beach I can go off on my own fine and not feel uncomfortable except for the usual aspie problems (feeling stared at, etc.)



I have two general fears - ending up in danger, or accidentally coming across as a danger.

If I come across as suspicious or accidentally look like a troublemaker, this would make people react negatively to me.

I fear this because as a young adult it could mean things like someone starting a fight with me, rudeness/aggression, being kicked out of an establishment, police being called, etc.

I'm overly-cautious for these reasons. Even if a car is on the other side of the street driving slowly, I'll ride my bike onto the grass altogether.

Although paranoid, my family says in public I am VERY reserved and polite.



That scenario sounds scary. Good job. I'm sorry you had to take 3 days to recover.



Yes there is a bit of a grey line between 'Asperger's and mild anxiety out in public' and 'Agoraphobia'.

I hear of other aspies feeling 'anxiety' when going out but it's mainly for other reasons - stress, feeling judged, etc. not just fear of being outside for the sake of it.

I can relate to a lot of what you say, so perhaps you have some Agoraphobia.



I think traveling in general can be stressful for everyone, including N.T.'s. The quick-timing, hustle and bustle, having to rely on public transportation instead of your own driving, etc.

There was a time when my family and I were coming home from a holiday; the airport bus was late and traffic congested, we're lucky we didn't miss our flight and with lack of money and a place to stay we would have been doomed.



In my opinion that was quite rude of the woman, calling so much attention like that. I understand she thought you stole the item, but once at the shopping centre I saw a security guard tail a group of teens.

He didn't speak but walked very fast after them.

If she had a recognizable uniform as a worker, she could have done something similar and made the accusation at moderate volume once close enough.

She could have then asked to see your receipt.



Was this because of a fear of bullying and such?

I don't mean to drive you away, but Agoraphobia is the specific fear of open and crowded spaces and being outside alone.

How much trouble do you have going out alone?



Yes, it can be insufferable.

Personally, I can tolerate using public transportation though.

I have suffered from this. Lasted about 1 year due to severe PTSD.

I sought professional help, a combination of meds & intensive CBT (cognitive behavior therapy).

I am grateful that I can say that now I can function pretty well and 'pass' for 'a Phuckin Normie'

Ever saw this movie? Pretty cool:
Thomas est amoureux (2000)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0262826/

You're a sweetie-pie

I just wanted to say that to you.

I have episodes of it that flair up unexpectedly. The worst is when I suddenly get it away from home and have to be rushed back for me to clam down. I stay in my room for a long time afterwards.

Hopefully therapy can help me. I may be able to access it soon.

I have already self-researched quite a few psychological techniques and have carried some of them out, graded exposure being an example.

I have no interest in meds, though. The side-effects are too unbearable. I take a few over-the-counter supplements for anxiety and stress relief. They help.

Don't worry, being a 'phúckin Normie' is supposed to be a positive thing. I only use it negatively when frustrated with my own lack of success in comparison to the average person my age. I try not to have an inferiority complex, but this is hard to prevent when there really are some people who think they are better than you.



I wish you luck.

It may be better for it to start a young age, imo, because the sooner it begins, the earlier we could also overcome it.

I've heard stories of perfectly functional N.T.'s in their mid-20s with jobs who live alone and drive and such suddenly getting it.

What do you take?

If you ever get help I do hope you'll find a good psychiatrist that does a DNA test for CYP450.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cytochrome_P450

Many Aspies have some kind of degree of drug metabolizing issues. (not a biologist sorry so I hope I've explained it well otherwise I stand corrected)
Myself found out I have a few poor metabolizers that are involved with breaking down drugs.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CYP2C19
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CYP2D6

Helped lots with finding the right drugs after awful scary experiences like not waking up for 24 hrs after taking the lowest dosage of a very common sleeping pill.

Not sure if you meant me or Outrider

You know who I meant!

Outrider's cool and all...but he's just not my type!

Actually I don't like nature that much. Fields, forests and beaches give me sensory overload - too many sounds, too many insects, too much wind, the itchy grass on my legs...

By large open spaces I mean places like public squares, buildings rooftops, bridges, stadiums etc. I even like being on a stage as long as there is no event going on.

I think part of it might have been from the stress of getting bullied, but I was also afraid of crowds and going out to places. They would usually happen when I was in a crowded noisy place so that's why I thought of it as agoraphobia. I would also get them if I felt trapped in a situation and couldn't just get up and leave. I don't feel as trapped in situations now as I did when I was in high school though because I felt like the environment there was more strict and I think that's why I felt more trapped.

I don't really get them that much anymore and usually feel ok going out alone, but I sometimes feel panicky if I'm in an unfamiliar place. I live in another town than my parents now, but when I first went to the town I live in now, with my aunt and dad, I would get these panicky feelings on and off. After taking a few more trips with them to the town I live in now though I didn't get those feelings anymore, at least in the town I live in now. I think it helps to have someone with me depending on who it is.

Last edited by slw1990 on 10 Oct 2016, 5:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.