New here, could really use some help

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Ok, title is probably click-bait... kinda. Fair warning, its a long post.

I found your board a couple days again while doing a simple google search. I wasn't sure what the board was but just read the thread. However its come up again, and this time I know why.

A couple of months ago right before I was terminated from my job for "fighting" (more on that later) I started doing some research on my personality as sort of a validation. Mainly was trying to find out if being introverted was more down to simple "likes" or was it something that was hardwired that could be managed, but never removed. After some reading of other introverts I ran across the Myers-Briggs test. I thought "ehh, why not" Result: INTP.

Once I started reading up on typical behavior of INTPs I was a bit shocked out how pages of information meant for thousands to millions of people was describing me to a T. Although it didnt get it all right, it was scary just how much of it was, to the tune of 95% or more.

Now, three months later, Another search. Its been suggested in the past that I might be slightly autistic or have Asperger's. It wasn't until recently where I started searching for some of it. My first searches were in symptoms of ASD and to see how much matched. I was honestly expecting more of it to match. While the social symptoms remain the same, I don't have alot of other issues that those with ASD face.

Reading up on Asperger's however, made things click. Again, in a very similar pattern to that of finding out my personality type. My mother determined growing up that I was "anti-social". Of course this was the late 80s, early 90s, so info on AS or ASD was not common. Now however, with info abound, things make sense. The comics by Greenturtle again describe me to a T, lets go through them.

"Take me to your leader" Ok, yeah. This is about accurate. I've never felt like I fit in... EVER. I can make appearances like I do somehow, but its mostly a facade, and a tiring one at that. I often feel like I don't belong in any social situation and generally tend to try and be left to my own devices during social gatherings such as church events. In said events I tend to stick close to people I know and rarely deviate from that.

"Lookit me when I'm Talking" Oh yes, God yes. I cannot begin to describe just how uncomfortable eye contact makes me feel, which has caused strife between me and my step-mother. SM doesn't like it when I'm not looking at her because she thinks I'm ignoring her, and she talks... alot. I often tend to do look at other things that catch my attention while listening to her talk, which gives her the perception that I'm not listening, which isn't true. Some of you probably know what I'm talking about.

"Get Me Out of Here" I've had this reaction on more than one occasion, and I hate it every time. Earlier this year our plant where I worked (that has several HUNDRED people per shift) had these videos we needed to watch. Now imagine that many people stuffed into 3 rooms. Now imagine everyone shoving around trying to sign papers that they were there at the end. By the time I got to my car I was so shaken up and on the verge of a breakdown I wasn't able to drive.

"He smells like pepperoni" Most of my senses arn't super sharp, except for hearing, in the extreme ranges. High and low pitched sounds bother me to no end. High pitched is extremely painful if loud and high enough, Piccolo's for example HURT. Brass instruments to the same extent. On the other side of the spectrum, bass is annoying, and if played long and high enough leads to headaches. "Thump Thump" cars come to mind. I also do not like to be touched, period, end of story. If I am indeed one of those with AS it actually is somewhat of some good news. I have often wondered if my dislike of being touched was related to some sort of sexual abuse growing up that I cant remember. Reading the list of traits for the NT's guide to AS lists this as a possible trait. Does answer some questions.

"Do I know you?" Again, another trait I have that other people cannot seem to recognize. It takes time for me to be able to put a name to face, and in some causes I know the person well, but sometimes have trouble recalling the name. Not to the extent of the comic, but its there.

"That was a joke". This is probably my biggest problem so far in dealing with co-workers. I have extreme trouble telling what is sarcasm or a joke, or if they are being literal. This as you can guess, can cause some friction between my co-workers who think everything is a joke, and me who tends to take things a bit more seriously.

I'll skip the 1up one since I already stated that I'm an introvert, and being an introvert isn't exclusive to AS. However I wouldn't be surprised if 99% of AS diagnosed people are introverted.

"I Like to Doodle" Again, scary. I have a number of interests, ranging all over the board. As far as jobs, I've done fast food (who hasn't?), retail focusing on automotive parts, I loved the mechanics side of it. Aviation, so much as to play upwards of a thousand hours in MS Flight Sim 95, 98 and 2004. This also translated into as AMT for college. I didn't continue due to money issues/difficulty with classmates. Fish-keeping, bee keeping (I want to continue that, but have an inability to maintain interest towards the end of the season), Computers, Science, Space, Anime (of the subtitled versions), WWII and probably a whole host of other things.

Then we get to "The NT's Guide to Asperger's" Post, and scroll down to the list of traits. Every. Single. Trait. It describes me. Although I'm not one for neat, having plans change will certainly stress me out, especially if its last minute. On a note about the age difference. I will loose my temper, even over minor things, and then get laughed at (which just in turn pisses me off) but most times, even when I was growing up I tended to get along better with the adults than kids of my own age. This problem was especially pronounced in college where (to me) everyone acted like they were 8 and I was the adult in the room.

So, what do you guys think? Is alot of my problems through the years (temper & social problems being the main one) because of being an un-diagnosed AS person?

P.S. If you guys don't mind, I may later post in the "Love and Dating" section of other troubles, as there some issues that fall under that category that have me scared I may be becoming un-hinged. I can't tell you how that unsettles me.

The most I can say is you wrote about a number of key Autistic traits you have that occur with other conditions. It would take observation of you and knowledge of your life for a more definitive opinion.

Are you repetitive obsessively so about these interests? Besides doodling are there any repetitive body motions you do, did, or repress?

Extroversion/introversion are not diagnostic criteria for autism. Due to social failures and sensory overload an extroverted Autistic can become quite shy.

What do you want to do with these revelations about yourself?

First off, welcome to WP. We are glad to have you and hope we can help.

We are not allowed to diagnose here nor are we qualified to. But after reading your post I would say that it would be good for you to pursue a professional opinion. There are also some online tests that you can take that can help you because some of the more comprehensive ones, I am thinking of the one in particular with the spider web chart, can help you pinpoint more characteristics and traits. These tests can't diagnose you either but they can be used to determine whether you would be a good candidate for a diagnosis. I believe we have a sticky thread with them on.

There is also a great book by Asperger's leading expert Tony Attwood. It's called "The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome." There are many great books and resources out there but that is the one I used when I was preparing for my diagnosis. It is very comprehensive. I definitely recommend it. But if you are able to find a competent diagnostician that you can afford where you live, I would say that it would be good to at least talk with that person about he possibility of a diagnosis and see if that is what would be best for you.

But definitely hang out with us here and look at lots of threads and ask lots of questions. Hopefully we can help.

Thanks for replying ASPartOfMe, repeat obsessions do in fact occur, this has happened with the whole beek thing, but more pronounced interests is anime and japanese culture. I have often binge-watched series and then wonder what happened to the rest of the day. Along similar lines, my interest in Japanese culture has extended past being curious and do wish I could speak Japanese fluently. This is to the point of having 150+ songs in japanese that I tend to like, Hikaru Naru being my favorite at the moment.

As far as bodily movements... I don't doodle, I've never been good at drawing (which is a shame since I'd like to be able to draw anime style pictures and stuff) but I will typically use my hands to talk, something that common people find amusing, which causes some friction because I can't stand being made fun of. Repetitive body motions arn't really a thing except maybe tapping my foot/hands to music. This can be very pronounced with the introduction of classical music. Pieces with vocals will often have me mouthing the lyrics.

As far as what I want to do, Possibly finding ways of managing these explosive outbursts would be nice as its affecting my ability to stay employed. Alot of that had to do with environment. I can also help explain to other people what I'm like (because conveying what I'm thinking is EXTREMELY hard) and that its not some made-up disorder to try and justify my actions. Mainly, just trying to figure out how to deal with people better and manage my outbursts better.




As much as I'd love to have a talk with a doctor/psychologists about this, money is very much a thing I dont have ATM and is not looking like thats going to change much in the foreseeable future. It might be a possibilty sometime into next year. The book however I should be able to afford after christmas and will look at picking up off Amazon at some point. In the meantime I will try and look at those online tools during work (I'm literally not allowed to do anything for large amounts of time and my supervisor would rather me sit around and do nothing)

Welcome to WP! IMO any reasonably intelligent person given enough time and research can figure out for themselves whether they are on the spectrum or not. You don't need to have your hunch invalidated simply because you don't have the cash to get a formal diagnosis. Most people on the spectrum struggle to stay employed if at all so money is going to be an issue. Which of course if you don't have the money you can't get diagnosed, sort of a catch 22.

Thanks Noca. I'm not looking for disability anyway, I've never been able to stand people relying on the government when they don't need it. I'm not saying that those with AS don't deserve disability, far from it. But I'm not completely unable to hold a job. I think the most I would use an official diagnoses would be going to my supervisor/boss and saying "I can't handle this job you want me to do, and I have medical proof".

Not trying to offend anyone, and I'm not implying anyone with AS is like that either. It's just I don't know how much good an official diagnosis would do for me. Others probably need one just to survive.

Getting off that subject anyways. I had a chat with step-sister before heading off to work, and she has had alot of dealing with those that fall on the AS spectrum. We talked a bit about some of the traits that I exhibit, and she can identify with where I'm coming from. Was nice. Anyways she mentioned during the call that about 3-4 years ago she realized that she was going "Yep, he's AS". Would have been nice if she would have told me >.> Oh well. She's pretty convinced I fall on the AS spectrum though, and deals with multiple people/children who also fall on the AS spectrum.