Autism is getting the best of me.

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so lately i have not been doing well, a month ago i started having severe panic attacks at school after reading Perks Of Being a Wallflower and that ended up with me going to my psychologist. Luckily it wasn't a PTSD attack like we originally thought but rather my Autistic brain interpreting empathy as Panic. The panic attacks didn't stop, i wasn't able to return to my english class and ultimately developed terrible stomach ulcers due to panic. i sunk into a deep depression in such a short amount of time and to make matters worse i lost my best internet friend... it broke my heart, we used to do sonic Roleplaying together and now she wont talk to me because i messed up... she was getting picked on by some guy and i told him off, then she found out and got angry at me and dropped me, i was so devastated i just gave up, i dropped all my friends and attempted suicide. After a trip to the hospital i was prescribed effexor (antidepressents) and started them a week ago. i still have suicidal thoughts and i haven't been to school in two weeks. my animals help and my dad helps too.

i am getting really tired of being autistic... im not sure what step to take next.... should i go back to school? this isnt the first time ive had to take time off.

I recently moved out and now i live on my own but my dad and my grandfather are literally right across the driveway. financially im fine because i live on a reserve (housing is free) and i get welfare, its not much but it feeds my animals and me... people are telling me to move back in with my dad and grandfather and i dont want to. i like having my own space but my psychologist said my autstic brain likes it TOO much... i dont know what to do.

I like you, and I want you to succeed.

Are you in your senior year of high school--or are you going to some sort of college?

I wish I had a solution to your situation. I would be better off if I knew you better.

You probably are letting your autism get the best of you. At least you have enough insight to be able to determine that. I remember that thread where you reacted to "Perks of Being a Wallflower." People gave you good advice, and I think you knew that. You just didn't react to well to it.

I wonder what would happen if you would be able to apologize to your friend. Tell her that you made a mistake, and that you won't do it again. Tell her that you value her as a friend.

I can understand you wanting to be on your own. At least you live right across the street from your father and grandfather, so they are right there should you need them.

ZombieBride, you seem to be doing a good job living in a separate dwelling yet near to family and to pets. I'm sorry you are having a hard time now, but it will most likely get better. Take care of yourself.

I agree with Kraftiekortie about apologizing to the friend, but it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't work out. Try to reconnect with the other friends if you can. The more people you have for support, the better you'll be. Things that help you are good-- the animals, family, friends, anything else like exercise or hobbies. I'm concerned about the suicidal thoughts still continuing. Effexor may not be the right match for you. It is VERY important to tell your psychiatrist, therapist, and family about the suicidal thoughts. They may need to switch you to another med, since different people respond to meds differently. What may work for one person may do nothing for someone else. It's important to keep on top of this with the person managing your meds, and keep with talk therapy. DO NOT STOP MEDS ON YOUR OWN. Stopping Effexor suddenly can cause bad seizures. The psych can gradually switch you to something else.

I don't know the answer about school. You should talk it over with your family and counselor or advisor. You might be able to do catch up over the holidays or summer break.

If you feel up to it, maybe you could go see them for meals? And if you don't feel up to going then maybe you could move back temporarily until you feel better?

I am assuming you feel comforted by your father and grandfather and that being around them helps keep your mind off being depressed. I guess also I don't think it's good to spend too much time alone when you're really depressed.

Whatever you do, I wouldn't think it would have to be permanent.

Im not too worried about my meds, my psych said i wont see results until another few weeks so im giving it a month.

i feel really bad about missing school. i was so close, i was gonna graduate high school in january and now i have to take more time... ugh..

You also mentioned that you went with a guy to the movies.

How's that coming along

(Man, I'm nosey! )