The right question

Post Reply New Topic

I was just wondering what the thoughts are on this: if you want the right answer from an ASD, you need to ask the right question. I came up with this when I reflected that someone had asked two different questions to which I of course gave two different answers - but I think that they were asking (what they thought was) the same question.

I had to front the magistrate about a trifling matter - and the lawyer asked me "Why did you move from the city?" to which I answer that the yuppies had taken the inner city and we were forced out of our homes. Then on a different day she asked (I think she forgot my first answer) "Why did you move to this town?" To which I answered that my girlfriend was studying at the local university so I came up to join her. (words to that effect.) To add weight to my defence the first answer was preferable.

I find that people seem to do this a lot; think they are asking a simple question but the way they have worded it skews the meaning and therefore the answer.

Does anyone else have experiences like this - or thought on this?

I don't think this has anything to do with whether or not you're an ASD. This is a common white lie answer that most anyone would give. A person may give this form of an answer, if they want to end the conversation as quickly as possible, not arouse interest in the subject, or just don't want to look bad because of the real answer. Both NT's and ASD's do this sort of thing all the time.

Maybe as a result of spending many years studying for exams I have become (or maybe I always was) very pedantic about how I answer questions. A tutor once said that I could come up with some groundbreaking solution to some different problem but if it wasn't the answer to the specific question there would be no marks.

I would quite possibly behave the same as you in the situation you describe.

I even find I get frustrated when someone else is asked a question, that I think is a clear unambiguous, and gives an answer that doesn't 'fit'

My husband does this to me ALL THE TIME even though I'm constantly asking him to please say what he means.

Just yesterday for example he asked me if I would please come upstairs early today (I come upstairs at the same time every morning so that I can shower and plan out/get ready for my day - he knows the routine as well as I do).

So when he asked me that I went upstairs straight away and got into the shower rather than waiting for the normal time, but when I got out he was annoyed because he had waited all that time for me to get out of the shower when what he really wanted to do was plan our day ASAP.

But he didn't SAY that. He just asked me if I'd come up early so I did.

He should've just said he wanted to start planning our day now, because he has many things to fit into the day today. Then I would've gone upstairs and done that. But he didn't say that. He just asked me to come up early so I did. But then HE got mad at ME, when I *went out of my way to change my routine for him* and did exactly what he asked!!

My wife is getting better at this since diagnosis and a little understanding of how my brain works.