[Warning: Do not read if you are sensitive to violent imagery or abuse.]
To give you some background, there is a bully I knew from middle school who was my friend at first but quickly turned into a psycho. He was the ultimate ahole, everything from hitting me to name calling to sexual harassment to even threats on my life and my family, you name it, he did it. Well when I finally started going to a different school in high school, Thanksgiving of last year him and his buddies robbed my house and took certain, detailed things, including entire video game systems and all three of our laptops. We didn't find out until the next morning, and of course I was in total disbelief.
Anyway, I was already going through an extremely deep depression, in fact the week before I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and had to be hospitalized for a day. I was starting to have really bad flashbacks of being bullied by not just the person in question but other people who hurt me in the past. The robbery was the final nail in the coffin, I just really wanted to be put down like a dog on the verge of dying. Plus I was still in the process of getting my Asperger's diagnosis in the midst of all this, in fact my mother had been trying to diagnose me for a decade (currently 16 years old) but got caught running in circles.
Well anyway, along with those flashbacks were insane and brutal thoughts of the bully and his friends trying to hunt me down and beat a dead horse basically. This has been ongoing for about a year now, they are not as frequent anymore but they still seem to happen when it rains or when it's silent, or during an anxiety attack, since I also have social anxiety. Just recently I had one where the bully spotted me with my mom and my friend and tried to act cool with me. The scenario was flickering on and off from the bully calling my friend a prostitute to him inappropriately touching one of us and my mom slapping him.
I have yet to address this with my therapist, since I have been switching on and off from one to the other within a span of not even six months. I do have a group therapy session coming up, however, and I will make sure that this is notified. I am in no way going to let my parents know any of this because they are more sensitive to these kinds of things than I am. I would much rather have another adult explain what's going on. All in all, I am positive this is some kind of sign of post traumatic stress disorder, I have also researched it a couple times but I need to have a professional see what is going on.
15 Nov 2015, 9:27 pm
