Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 

Hopetobe
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 8 Sep 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 184

28 Apr 2013, 6:49 am

Unlike many autists, my problem is not that I avoid eye contact (maybe sometimes I do, but not too much), my problem actually is that I stare at people (or things) and that may be inappropriate.

Does anyone else have this problem?



OandSC
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 27 Apr 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 9

28 Apr 2013, 7:47 am

Yes I Stare at things and people, not at they eyes.
I might be sitting at my desk at work and asked why I am staring at someone or the wall or what I am thinking as I am look so deep in thought.



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

28 Apr 2013, 7:51 am

What if you look up and someone is staring at you - what is the expected response then? I tend to stare back as they started it or look away then look back. If they don't look away then I see it as game on and I'll aim to win!

NTs stare far more than I do - I generally try and ignore the stares but if they're right in my face they'll be forced to back down for being so rude. I've noticed some of them do this weak little smile after realising I'm not backing down - why on earth do they do this after initially giving a rude stare?? It makes me hate them more not less as it means they're not only a bully but a coward too! It makes me feel like grinding them into the ground for daring to think I was going to just take it off them. as I have done when younger. Words cannot express how angry people who seek to assert their low judgement of me onto me like this make me feel. If I was male I'm sure testosterone levels would have entailed a fair few punches! It's like I do a non-verbal version of
"Are you looking at me?!" like people have in bars before fights! lol

I call it 'Going into the zone'



jk1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,817

28 Apr 2013, 8:07 am

Over the years I have learned to make eye contact, but still I don't do it very appropriately. Sometimes I feel it impossible to have eye contact and other times I might be making others uncomfortable by staring. I don't think I'll ever learn to do it appropriately. After all I was born without the ability to do it. I think those born with it can do it just naturally even without trying or thinking.



briankelley
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2012
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 666
Location: STENDEC

28 Apr 2013, 8:09 am

I've managed to tame it down to glancing, but I've always had a major staring problem. When I was young it was quite noticeable and I was called on it many times. The thing is, most of us are observers. We stare at others because we're trying to learn behavior traits from them. Either that or we're just spaced out in deep thought. My dad once said, "Brian has a very active mind. He can stare at a spot on the wall and be entertained for hours".

Eye contact is always something I've always been classically autistic about. It's hard to bring myself to do it. I heard "look at me when I'm talking to you" a lot as a kid and young man. I like conversing with someone in the passenger seat while I'm driving (or vice versa) because I don't have to look at them.

I'm trying to develop a fixation with people's eyeballs. They are very fascinating to study.
.



NotaHero
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 252
Location: Manchester

29 Apr 2013, 4:26 pm

Yeah I find I both get caught staring while I'm day dreaming or just as a reaction to certain people. I try to control, but I'm inclined to agree with nessa238 that NTs do this a lot as well as when I find myself staring at some people I'm sure they initiated it, it's just I don't know what to do to break the cycle.

I also think although I don't like to look directly in people's eyes when some is staring at you, but not saying anything you can feel it and that just forces me to look at them and then I feel like they think it's me staring at them.



MusicalWonders
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 114
Location: America

29 Apr 2013, 8:18 pm

I either stare too much or avoid it all together.



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

30 Apr 2013, 5:10 am

Staring is often used as a way of asserting dominance - the two best ways of dealing with it are to smile at the person or to yourself as this puts them off their stride and they often stop or you can stare them out. Saying something either to the person you're with or to yourself is good too - anything they aren't expecting tends to make them panic and back down.



Mindsigh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2012
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,272
Location: Ailleurs

30 Apr 2013, 8:05 am

I am a starer. 8O


_________________
"Lonely is as lonely does.
Lonely is an eyesore."


Falloy
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 355

30 Apr 2013, 3:04 pm

I tend to make too much eye contact rather than too little - the only time I can't look at someone is when I'm really upset with someone or really frightened of then.

I think a lot of my staring comes from me looking for signs of disapproval from the the other person- I'm watching to see if they roll their eyes or make sideways glances at their companions.

However when I'm tired I can just stare and someone for no reason and I have to watch out to stop myself doing this. I know that it's inappropriate.

Usually I'm thinking about something totally different and I just latch my gaze onto someone at random.



AshConverse
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jan 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 32

30 Apr 2013, 8:17 pm

I usually avoid eye contact with people...
but I do tend to stare..

Sadly it makes for extreme awkwardness, I hate eye contact, but I love to look at peoples eyes/irises...

I tend to zone out and stare into space:
- but while doing so I have absolutely nothing going on upstairs to process what I am actually in fact looking at!
- while sitting you are right at crotch/butt level
- while standing and zoning out my gaze drops... usually around torso level (so it looks like crotch or chest)
- either way I am *that* creepy girl...

or I will intensly focus on something like the detail on a big belt buckle, a T-shirt, or a necklace, again, either way...



NotaHero
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 252
Location: Manchester

01 May 2013, 5:48 pm

Falloy wrote:
I tend to make too much eye contact rather than too little - the only time I can't look at someone is when I'm really upset with someone or really frightened of then.

I think a lot of my staring comes from me looking for signs of disapproval from the the other person- I'm watching to see if they roll their eyes or make sideways glances at their companions.

However when I'm tired I can just stare and someone for no reason and I have to watch out to stop myself doing this. I know that it's inappropriate.

Usually I'm thinking about something totally different and I just latch my gaze onto someone at random.


I've never quite thought of it like that, but actually that sums up my staring problems quite well! - I will have to steal this explanation!



Andrewshka
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 17 Nov 2015
Posts: 1

17 Nov 2015, 4:14 pm

Falloy, thank you for your insight, this pretty much sums me up, are you autistic?