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InsomniaGrl
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19 Nov 2015, 4:29 am

I don't like sleeping with people. By sleeping i mean actually going to sleep with in the same bed at night. I don't sleep great anyway, but as far as ASD goes its the unpredictability of someone sleeping next to me that bothers me. If they role over and elbow me, or cuddle up to me in their sleep i don't like it, and fixate on it, or worry that's what is gonna happen when they are next to me. I like being in bed with the person in the morning, or an afternoon nap, and the closeness of sharing the same bed, but not actually sleeping.
Its the same with animals, i don't like them in my room. Though i did once wake up with a dog asleep on my face i doubt that helped.
Does anyone else have issues sharing the same bed at night?


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GiantHockeyFan
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19 Nov 2015, 7:45 am

Yes, that is probably my #1 worry about getting married. We have tried it a number of times and it usually leads to sleepless nights (mostly for me). I'm going to assume once I get used to it full time that it will be a piece of cake. My anxiety goes into overdrive and I imagine it's because my ex used to love picking loud late night fights.

My parents frequently sleep in different rooms so it is not unheard of.



InsomniaGrl
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19 Nov 2015, 7:54 am

yeah i worry it would put a strain on the relationship, whether or not we could afford separate bedrooms, and if the person would feel rejected romanticly or sexually because i didn't want to be in bed with them.


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GiantHockeyFan
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19 Nov 2015, 8:03 am

InsomniaGrl wrote:
yeah i worry it would put a strain on the relationship, whether or not we could afford separate bedrooms, and if the person would feel rejected romanticly or sexually because i didn't want to be in bed with them.

My Fiancee doesn't seem to be too bothered by it but I am assuming that because she is religious and probably would personally prefer to wait until Marriage. If so I can certainly respect that but I will have to talk to her about that privately. We both have Queen beds so there is no worry about being able to afford two beds but it would be nice to share one.

I know my ex was VERY upset once I asked her to sleep on the spare mattress because my back and neck were acting up and like anyone with BPD, this triggered her abandonment issues to put it mildly. Ah well, good riddance to her I say.

What's really weird is that as a kid, I HATED sleeping in my own bed, had to have the door open and needed a nightlight. Now it's the complete opposite so at least I know my preferences can change!



Quill
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19 Nov 2015, 8:13 am

No, I actually like sleeping next to someone else. I don't know why, but I feel better/more comfortable if someone is there, unless they are a major kicker or covers-snatcher. I also like my cat to sleep with me.

However, along similar lines, I worry about getting engaged/married because I can't stand to wear rings, or much jewelry at all. I would have to hope the person is okay with that (at best I might be able to wear it on a chain around my neck). I'd also prefer a cheap ring because it's something I would ever wear, and besides, I would rather put that money toward something else.



InsomniaGrl
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19 Nov 2015, 8:18 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
InsomniaGrl wrote:
yeah i worry it would put a strain on the relationship, whether or not we could afford separate bedrooms, and if the person would feel rejected romanticly or sexually because i didn't want to be in bed with them.

My Fiancee doesn't seem to be too bothered by it but I am assuming that because she is religious and probably would personally prefer to wait until Marriage. If so I can certainly respect that but I will have to talk to her about that privately. We both have Queen beds so there is no worry about being able to afford two beds but it would be nice to share one.

I know my ex was VERY upset once I asked her to sleep on the spare mattress because my back and neck were acting up and like anyone with BPD, this triggered her abandonment issues to put it mildly. Ah well, good riddance to her I say.

What's really weird is that as a kid, I HATED sleeping in my own bed, had to have the door open and needed a nightlight. Now it's the complete opposite so at least I know my preferences can change!


I was the same with a night light and things when i was a kid, now very the opposite. It is such a touchy subject, the relationship bed. I like how gorillas just go find their private space and sleep. I'm sure its quite a modern thing historically speaking, the emphasis on sleeping together in the same room and bed.


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Luzhin
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19 Nov 2015, 8:34 am

Nope, never did like sleeping in the same bed with anyone. Even though I have been married more than once I pretty much always insisted that I have my own room...or I would sleep on the couch. At other times we would work different shifts so it wasn't a problem. As you can imagine it put a major strain on a relationship.
However, after a number of years my current wife and I do sleep in the same bed now...a very large bed.



neilson_wheels
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19 Nov 2015, 8:35 am

We sleep separately most of the time.
My partner can be like a little rhino, if she gets up in the night it usually goes like this:
Thrash around, elbows and knees flailing, bang this, bang that, wee, flush, jump back in bed and be snoring loudly again within the next 5 seconds.
Leaving me wide awake and slightly stunned. Best avoided.



kraftiekortie
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19 Nov 2015, 8:44 am

Yeah...I'd rather sleep alone.

But many people feel secure with another person in their bed.



CKhermit
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19 Nov 2015, 9:00 am

I do not like sleeping with anyone with the exception of my dog. Personally I don't like living with anyone either. I prefer to go to others homes so I can leave when I want instead of having to tell them to leave. Which isn't often as I require more alone time than company. I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend to do some occasional activity with but haven't been able to since they usually require more from the friendship than I can give.



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19 Nov 2015, 9:41 am

I don't really dislike it...when I sleep in my own bed at home I miss having my boyfriend sleeping next to me. I also am ok with cats sleeping on my bed with me, though my boyfriend doesn't like that...but if I am sleeping with him I don't really need cats to cuddle anyways.

The only part that can suck is if it gets too warm that isn't comfortable, but in that case I can usually just remove some of the blanket on my side or just take off everything but underwear as I don't like sleeping entirely unclothed.


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ZD
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19 Nov 2015, 9:54 am

I used to have a problem with it and had a lot of sleepless nights, but you do actually get used to them after awhile.

But I always wake for different reasons like temperature / noise / light / movement so I am used to having broken nights of sleep (sometimes only getting a couple of hours)

My partner used to try their hardest not to wake me when getting out of bed she never managed it for a long time (years) but now I wake sometimes or not at all and can usually go straight back to sleep. At first I would be awake the rest of the night after been woken.

The ring thing don't worry too much they should understand. Say for instance you were allergic to the metal what would they do then? it's the same thing in my eyes.


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Quill
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19 Nov 2015, 10:17 am

ZD wrote:
The ring thing don't worry too much they should understand. Say for instance you were allergic to the metal what would they do then? it's the same thing in my eyes.


That's a good point. Thanks! :D



Kuraudo777
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19 Nov 2015, 10:40 am

My bed is full of stuffies, and I like my personal space so I think I wouldn't like sleeping in the same bed as someone.


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19 Nov 2015, 10:54 am

Sometimes I love cuddling in bed with my husband but other times I can't stand the sensation of being touched. It depends on how much energy I have and how overstimulated I am. Sometimes the warmth of his hands or skin is too much for me, it feels like it burns me. And I can't stand being breathed on. It makes my skin feel like insects are crawling under it.

I also hate sharing a bed with my sister because I don't like the feel of her skin. Like if her hand touches me or something I can't tolerate it. My mom is okay because she stays very still when she sleeps so if I share her king sized bed with her there is plenty of room. When I was really little my dad would put me to sleep and lay in bed with me and sing to me and I loved that. And falling asleep in the same room as my brothers is okay because they are pretty quiet sleepers.

I loved sleeping with my cats. And when I spent the night at a family friend's house and I slept in the room with their daughter, she had two beds in her room, I woke up and found the dog in bed with me. I loved that.


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Earthling
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19 Nov 2015, 10:55 am

It drives me semi-nuts.
Not the worst thing in the world, but for whatever reason I prefer being alone while sleeping. Unpredictability of the other person certainly being a factor, also lack of space, snoring, having to be silent (kinda a major one for me), etc.
Uncomfortable for me to fall asleep when I know another person is in the room.

And it can be annoying for the other person too, like once I was at a sleepover on some giant bunk bed, and I had to move every 30 seconds or so, which basically was like an earthquake, and my friend quickly got annoyed. :lol: