I have lost the ability to feel excitement or strong emotion

Post Reply New Topic

I have noticed I do not get excited when I receive good news or when someone gets me something nice. It could be something I like very much and internally I will be happy but it is a lack luster happiness. I can never be emotive and actually show my appreciation. My demeanor is said to look sombre and unimpressed, bored even.

I think I posted a while back about the Marilyn Manson concert I went to, and despite months of waiting to see my favourite musician I felt Meh as I said him in front of me in the flesh. Most fans around me were hysterical and beyond excited to see him. But I stood there staring at the stage feeling what I call "happy indifference". It is such a weird "emotion" and I can't quite put it into words. It is when I feel happy but at the same I experience some kind of boredom which makes me unable to be emotive. So strange.

I honestly fear in the future if I ever establish any form of relationship whether that be a friendship or romantic relationship I will probably push people away with my "happy indifference" as they interpret it as me being unappreciative.

I'm a huge audiophile/music nerd but concerts are always hit or miss. For example, Manson more or less kicked off his own whole sub genre but it's not uncommon to like someone's releases/albums/singles or collaborations more. There must be some acts you've identified with similarly that tour near you. I'm with Lockheart about needing to keep your adrenal systems appeased. I just started my ski season yesterday and I managed despite months of studying programming this year to hang out at least a little while at my local BMX park. Keeping up with friends (thus staying outdoors) also keeps me in the loop about shows I might want to catch.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Completely understand what you're dealing with. As far as developing emotions for a special person (be it a friend or something more), I firmly believe that you'll have plenty to deal with once you meet a person that meets your standards or expectations.

Like many people on this forum, I too have a very special interest in music (to the point where it is literally playing during all of my waking hours), but concerts don't interest me in the slightest. Probably because I don't feel like having my ears ringing for the next 3 days and because I'm not really a fan of crowded places. With that said, there really aren't many things in life that would get me 'pumped'. What you described as 'happy indifference' could apply, I guess. However, I do know when I don't like something and I act on it -- I generally just leave the scene.

I find that knowing or realizing why you perceive something as 'meh' is pretty important. It can be because you're not feeling well in a crowd, sensory overload, depression or any other random reason. Just ask yourself what was it that didn't really sit well with you and work around it. Feeling blue can put a blanket over other emotions, so try tackling that one if you suspect that may be the problem.

Yeah I'm extremely sporadic about that. I can spend months at a time learning stuff, guzzling coffee and generally just forgetting to adventure/party. I remember physically feeling the indifference in my brain once when I spent too long on a couch. It does come back, you just have to be nice to yourself.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

What you're talking about, Potato, could be depression. It never made sense to me, but you can have a low-grade depression (dysthymia) where you don't really enjoy things. It might not be as powerful a feeling as wanting to die and dwelling on how little hope the future holds, but it can still rob you of what life has to offer. If you have access to a therapist or psychiatrist, it might be worth asking about.

That and just staying in touch with the planet. Therapy ideally amounts to 1:1 advice, fresh air and postcard surroundings go a long way in implementing said advice. You may be underestimating the scale of your backyard...

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I feel similarly from what you say. I have almost no strong emotion, apart from frustration and a kind of sadness. Brief periods i feel content, most of the time though i go through life just appearing, empty inside.

^^A lot of my musician friends play all their shows with custom-molded earplugs or at least the memory foam ones. Tinnitus does heal at least a bit, just not quickly.

Headphones like these could be the best forty bucks you'll ever spend. I tend to feel a bit deflated when I'm separated from all the Hi-Fi goodness...

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos