Small criticism severely effecting self-esteem

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When people give you small criticism, even a small negative remark about you, does it severely effect your self esteem? I have that problem. When my pears say something negative about me like i.e. I say awkward things- I often take it much more personally in terms of self esteem compared to most people- even if it'still a small remark like a joke or somethings. Often when this happens I feel much less capable or socialize and even worthy of hanging out with most people and it often takes a few days to shed and release the incomfident believe. Do you relate and have this struggle too?

Instead of affecting my self-esteem; when I was a kid it made me get really defensive & sometimes caused me to insult back or have a meltdown. It doesn't really affect me nowadays thou & I can joke about things.

Yes I completely relate OP. Unfortunately it also makes me turn against people and write them out of my life unnecessarily. This is one area of 'faulty thinking' that really wreaks havoc on my life & relationships. I am trying to be more mindful of this tendency and not give in to it, but it's a hard habit to break!!

No, the off-hand small criticism doesn't affect me much these days because I've had to deal with far worse.

That said, sometimes "small criticism" ... if it's repeated ... can kill a friendship. I was once starting to become friends with someone with whom I had a big difference ... we were total opposites when it came to religious beliefs. I was willing to look past that and give the person a chance. But she blew it because she would mutter nasty things about me under her breath when we were in public ... and she did it more than once. Nothing about religion, just snide personal insults or rude annoyed sighs or eye rolls to communicate her disapproval of me when it came to things like my clothes, what I said, how I acted, or how I chose not to do something she wanted me to do. That's not a friend.

Sometimes small criticisms add up to something bigger and you need to protect yourself by getting away from people who treat you that way.

That said, don't let people stop you from being the best version of yourself.
The best revenge is living well.

...

I have no issue with this at all, not even big criticisms. It's never bothered me. I'm a bit weird though, I think half the time they don't even register as criticisms.

It sounds like she has excessive fear of people challenging her faith. It can be scary to have something that you strongly feel brings you the most peace to be questioned. You not believing her believe made her feel volunerable because she hasn't yet learned how to find her own belief on the inside. I agree that being friends with her the best thing because if you are only causing each other resentment then it'should not worth your time. I think your a great person.

That is amazing! I do think it is wierd, it is a gift- perhaps an gift you learned to mastered. Many many people struggle with this. Would you mind briefly telling us how you do this? To be more specific, the perspective you focus on or anything else you consciously try to not be bothered by criticism? I think many people could benefit from it.

I'm as well trying to break this habit. I haven't quite mastered it yet but I'm getting there. One thing I do that has helped me is understanding that since people don't know 100% everything which is impossible, people are going to make mistakes and do things mean. I believe when people do things mean, they "know not what they do." They are acting our of fear. I believe if everyone knew everything there would be world peace. That's what has helped me not be upset. What methods have helped you so far?

Good luck on working more on this.

Yes, this definitely happens to me. But only inside. Outside, apparently I tend to look like I don't care about it - either laughing it off or ignoring (because I can't bring myself to say anything or can't find the words to say). Apparently this is very difficult for other people. But for me it's a defence mechanism. If I let anything show on the outside then I would completely break down. I always take even the tiniest criticism to heart and examine where I've gone wrong and try to do better in future.

I actually think it's a good trait to listen to others' input on our lives but I do do it too much sometimes. Very hard to know where (and how!) to draw the line.

edited to add: In fact, just yesterday as I was leaving work, a colleague I really like and respect said to me "you do have a really big mouth sometimes" or something like that. And I will now being going over and over that in my head until I go back to work (I'm off now til Monday argh!) and what I might have said that was out of order. I did tell her to just hit me if I get out of line and she said she was tempted (as a joke I think) but I might have to tell her I'm actually serious as I don't always know what I'm saying is not acceptable.

I ask myself if their statement is true. If it is false, I assume that they have their own reasons for whatever they've said, and these may not be knowable (sometimes people do/say things and even they don't really know why).

If their statement is true, then I ask myself if I care that it is true (i.e. is this something I'm working to change in myself). If I do not care, then I tell them that they are correct but that I'm not interesting in changing this. For example, when I was obese, I was frequently criticized either openly or obliquely for this. I did not care about this at the time, so I acknowledged that I was indeed fat, and then let it go.

If their statement is true, and it is something I'm working to change in myself, then I acknowledge their criticism as legitimate and thank them for reminding me that I still have work to do. This is how I improved my listening skills considerably (although they still need more improvement).

If their statement is true and it is something I do not believe I can change, then I accept (again and again) that there are things about me that some other people do not like, and that I can't change.

Sometimes, the above program fails (or I fail to run it) and then I do suffer from obsessive rumination and loss of self esteem.

Something to keep in mind is that you cannot please all people, ever. Some people will think your 'awkwardness' is charming or funny, and others will bash it. Trying to tune in more to the people who gravitate toward you and accept you as you are, will help your self esteem a lot.

Yes, quite intensely so.

I suspect that it has to do with having been bullied early on in life combined with a lack of emotional support due to not having been able to speak up.

Even little remarks that may not even be called criticisms can batter my self-esteem. I'm trying to get better about that, through.

Yes, I need to work on it and keep everything in perspective. There is a big difference between helpful, hurtful and just being human.