How do I tell my Asperger daughter to stop

Post Reply New Topic

She is calling me from the school every time she gets upset and tantrum. today I was trying to calm her down but my coworkers who were in hallways thought I am out of my mind. she was repeating that girl called her crazy and the that girl make everyone to not like her sand I was trying to calm her down. telling her stop and calm down, telling her please calm down,..... I needed to finish some work today but now I am sitting at my desk crying. why me, why me, why did I deserve that. I wish I would have died before she was born. I am tired of living, I know one of these days I am going to kill myself to be free of all these pressures.
How many more years I have to walk on egg shell, being afraid of her tantrums, day and night. how many times I had to calm her down for the things that is out of my control. I can't take it any more.

Your daughter is likely doing the best she can. It can't be easy living with and being responsible for someone on the spectrum. You need help, both counselling and other support if you can get it. Personally I am prone to shutdowns more than meltdowns but it is something that can be learned to be managed but not eliminated.

Applying what I know about myself is there are so few people in the world I can trust. People who I know their motives are good and not going to use my issues against me. For this reason I tend to lean heavily on few rather than spreading it out to others like a normal person. Likely for your daughter this is you. If you get some one she can trust and help her perhaps some of the load can be shared.

I do not know what age your daughter is, but I am fairly certain the situation is not likely to improve without counseling and support for you and your daughter. What you described is rather mild bullying, trust me, it can and will get much worse (the bullying) if your daughter doesn't develop some coping strategies. I strongly urge you look into coaching, counseling, medication, whatever it takes to alleviate the meltdowns so you and your daughter can function productively. Perhaps your school system has some programs in place that might help?

I am very worried about your mental health. You definitely need some help, and it may be to the point where you need antidepressants as well as counseling. Although your child is not at home during the day, you may want to look into respite care so you have some evenings to yourself to go out and have fun. (When was the last time you did that?)

See if you can use your existing supports differently. Do you have family in area? Can you join a parents support group? (There is a good and active forum here for parents, by the way.)

Remember you won't be of any use to your daughter if you fall apart yourself. And yes, it is very tough at times. Please take good care of yourself.

I amatory you are sad. How old is your child?

She is 18 and she is in a college.

You clearly need to see a mental health professional. I think this was recommended to you the last time you posted. Have you sought any help since then?

Just about every college has a counseling service, and they should also have a program for students with any disabilities. You should set up an appointment with each, with your daughter and you both to meet with someone. Then you can address how your daughter should act when she feels these kinds of stresses, so that it doesn't negatively impact your workday.

You can also turn off your phone during your workday, or ask your daughter to text you but not to expect immediate reply.

When my daughter with ASD was in her first year of college, she kept dropping by my office (on campus) every day to "hang out." The first time or two, I did not mind, but then it was going to interfere with my employment. I had to tell her she could not just show up any time she wanted. But we did set up a regular weekly lunch with mom.

I did not know her diagnosis at the time or I might have done differently. She had a lot of stresses in college and finally broke down about year 6 (which is how she got diagnosed, but it took quite a while). The best thing you can do to help her is hook her up with counseling and the disability office. There are no guarantees she will succeed in college, but you do need to set some boundaries to preserve your sanity.

Is she living at home, or away from home?

And other people on the spectrum wonder why I don't want a child on the spectrum. Most Aspie children, especially if they have anxiety disorder, have tantrums if the world doesn't revolve around them. I know, as I was like it myself as a child. I would whine and cry about lots of things what other children didn't worry about, and my poor mum got so overwhelmed with me. One time I got so out of control with my tantrums, that she nearly had me sent away, but knew she would regret giving me up as her child because she loved me. So she didn't send me away. But I can't blame her for feeling like that. I don't think I would cope with a child like that either.

Edit: I wasn't like that in college though, as I grew more independent. I was just most difficult when I was about 8-11.

But I still do demand my mum and I have a habit of following her around the house. But despite that, we have a really good relationship. Sometimes when your teen or adult non-NT son or daughter does demand you like you (OP) described, it does mean that they think the world of you and that you probably have a good relationship with them. I know you are getting stressed with her, which I know how you feel and there is nothing wrong with feeling like that at all, but one good thing about that is at least it means you are a good parent and she counts on you for emotional support.