is body language really that important

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in conversations? when making friends? when getting people to like you? Do NT's actually think about body language during the above scenarios?

No, they automatically read it and understand it much like you automatically read and understand words. It's unconscious or subconscious.

But I just don't get it. How does it manifest in their conscious mind?

NT don't actually have to think about it, they process it instinctively.

It's crucially important in my view. My life in general and my interactions with other people in particular improved dramatically after I've taught myself to pay attention and interpret body language. In certain occasions I still can't process it fast enough, but learning it the way I did instead of relying on instinct also means I often see even more than NT.

How do words manifest in your conscious mind?? That's not something easily explained.

As someone who reads body language seemingly instinctively, (although I also think I put a TON of effort into learning it, at least the negative cues of it, so I knew when I could approach my parents safely), it's like 'oh, their face is grimacing, that means their in some sort of pain or hurt, let me think about what I know that might have caused them to be in pain'. Or, 'that person is almost shaking, they're nervous about something'. It's a noticeable thing. It's like noticing that it's cold or hot outside, or noticing that it smells like coffee. You just perceive it then categorize it.

What about people who don't use body language at all?

Apparently from feedback I get from others, my body language says things that I never intend. I have no idea what my body language says to others most of the time. I am usually just responding to some kind of pain or uneasiness in my own body and people assume I am deliberately being rude or disrespectful to them. Usually I am not even aware of them at all really.

But I think people who do rely on body language to interpret things really put a lot of weight on it. It means a lot to them, sometimes much more than what people say. I can read it if it's super obvious but not if it's subtle.

Yes. It is important to smile and look like you want to be there. NTs interpret this automatically. Just like you don't "think" about sneezing, you just do it. When you go in to take an exam, you read the question and go "hmmm what is the answer?" That's thinking. That's not what NTs do when they interact socially.

Yes, if they rely solely or mostly on it, that's true and it's incredibly frustrating.

As for the first part, I realised later that I was giving people a lot of contradictory signals which confused them and sometimes made them uncomfortable or even angry. Doing sometimes about it helped a lot with such misunderstandings. I did it to make my life easier, not to accommodate others

Today I saw on TV some programme in which a scientific study was testifying that when a waiter/waitress in a restaurant touched the arm or shoulder of a client while presenting the bill the tip was up to about 20% higher than the group which did not touch the arm or shoulder of a client.
Same for doctors to gain trust.
I don't know if this is body language, but it is something.

It wouldn't raise my tip, that's for sure. And if I am super overstimulated it might cause me to tip something else like knock over my glass or something but it would not encourage me to give them more money. Funny thing, I tend to tip more when I a left alone more. If the waiter comes in a decent time and takes my order and only asks me how I am doing once or twice, that works for me. If I need something I like them to always be scanning the room if I signal them to come over. But a waiter who is always in my face and touches me all the time irritates me and makes me nervous. That person will usually get less tip from me.

Funnily enough, my parents have always scolded me for interpreting their body language, particularly when they looked pissed off every bit, but verbally insisted they were not. Oh, and I know I'm not exactly a genius when it comes to reading body language, so I mean very obvious stuff, like constantly shaking and yelling in an irritated tone, even while claiming not to be angry, and not letting me say anything meaningful (something they've always made a point not to tolerate from others) without interrupting me or admonishing me for my word choice, which is never good enough.

Obviously, this has often discouraged me from taking what little I'd managed to learn about body language into account when talking to other, non-autistic people, and then I couldn't understand the ensuing disaster.

Hm, to some degree it may be important, but it depends on the individual. There are other ways to get the same information.

I dont look at people when they speak, or much at all, so I dont even see body language most of the time. Instead, I get the same information out of sound; most people unconsciously project everything they feel and some of what they are thinking into their voice, no matter what they're saying at the time, but I suspect that, aside from very blatant situations (like loud, angry yelling) most people cant seem to hear this. They're too used to that instinct of looking at others when conversing and getting that input via body language. Though, my hearing is also very abnormally sensitive.

So I think there are other ways of getting that same information, but... for most people, it's body language, so a lack of understanding of that can cause issues.