Aspergers and Low self esteem/Confidence

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I'd often have jitters when speaking in front of unfamiliar people especially when it involves sharing experiences and introducing myself. It all turned out again as a main concern for me when just recently I was accepted in our university's publication/school paper. I really did not expect how I got into it even though I knew it to myself that I'm not that good writer than them. I am often astonished every time I get high scores or people that would say I do write really well. I'd sink in their flattering that is overly emphasized for me.
Without my notice I'd often get praises apart from my knowledge that I don't really do well which often times could shatter me into pieces.


I am afraid of failure as well as success. Those times such as when I got almost 100 % in our entrance exam in a top university made me wonder why, because I didn't even review for a course I do not like. Another time was also when I got accepted in our university's publication (just that I mentioned a while ago) was almost a fantasy for me when I just took the exam because of my friends' prodding. I do not have confidence in myself that I'm good at writing,'cause I have never been writing in any publication in elementary and high school. I just have simply a proclivity to reading and writing which makes words to flaming eyes that I fail to give a notice. I am forever a shame - I am socially awkward. But I wanted not to get drown with a traitor of my own thoughts. Where do I really belong?
I wish someone would help me.

I think you answered your own questions pretty much.

I'm thinking you're more afraid of success than failure. This happens more often than one might think.

Nursing, in the "field" has very little to do with academics--but lots to do with intelligence. Empathy for the patient is very important, obviously. But then there are the administrative tasks. You have to be able to organize the giving of "meds," the recording of the dispensing of meds in the computer, your "monthlies," stuff like that with patient care. Gtubes, catheters, and such, really suck. You have to have compassion for those patients, while, at times, being "tough" on them because you have to take care of other patients.

Indeed, I am afraid of success which makes me not to study at times and be oblivious of some things I should take notice. Nursing really requires a holistic view to a patient but also being holistically healthy is also a main point to be considered in order to be an effective one. There was even one time in my first year college of skills demonstration when I failed to do a very simple procedure of changing bed linens and I cried when my Clinical instructor asked me why I couldn't make it and told her that my problem was my social skills and I tend to lose interest studying because of it.


I acknowledge up till now that I am not fitted to be a nurse but then I thought to myself that if I am not then why I am here on the first place and they accepted me in the college.


I also have a few classmates who are socially different but unlike me they could cope up social anxiety. That makes me affirm myself at times that there's nothing impossible to this, and besides I learned to love this already. But there are just times when I am engulfed by my depression that I wanted to give up. Social anxiety is one of those things I wanted to eliminate in order to build up myself little by little. I do indeed help my own but some instances just make me feel down so much. My mom always tells me that I know how to answer my problems yet I feel depressed. That makes me a paradox and pulling myself down would make them think I'm just overreacting though I do not.


I am aware of my incapabilities that's why I talk about it, but it doesn't mean I could act on it and I'd be okay. I was thinking that I might be wrong or I am just the wrong(yeah wrong planet).

Thanks anyway, pal.

I'm on the WrongPlanet, too.

I hope you are not angry with me. I never said everything can be a "quick fix."

It takes time--but one has to progress if something is not right. One shouldn't just say "I'm hopeless." Especially when one is young.

I'm "socially different," too. I'm probably not cut out for nursing or doctoring. I can't make a bed with hospital corners.

But you just might be cut out for it.

Do remember: when patients are sick, they don't care about theories. The bottom line is the patient's comfort, not how you can be a social butterfly with your colleagues.

Of course you know that--hence your mention of "holistic."

Lol I am not angry kraftiekortie. I was just talking to myself at some point. Thank you. I'll take note of that.

Please don't give up.

I can understand it if you feel like I'm offering superficial solutions. Maybe I am. But, sometimes, the superficial, the earthy, the mundane is more important than you think.

I think you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment. Trust me, others feel that way, too. Nursing is hard.

I think you're nice and will be a good nurse.

One can't be a great nurse right away--that's why there's "training."

You might be better off than me because you are young.

I have a confession to make: I did a clinical practicum in speech pathology. I didn't fail it--but I didn't do that great, either. I put barriers before myself (which I'm still doing!). I didn't go for my master's in speech pathology, even though I did a 3.8 in speech pathology/English in Undergrad.

Don't worry I'm not taking offense on you. Lol. I fathomed your concern and I am glad for your help. I 'll take note of what you can help me because I know we have at some point similarities and I love the fellow people that could I have in common with. I believe we are all connected. And, btw... why did you say that I might be better off than you because you're younger than me? Uhm I thought you're 54 as what your vital info shows. ? I'm confused

LOL...I saw my mistake. I edited that post.

Oh okay, I got it. Lol. Uhm... Well that's a poignant experience too though. Thanks again, and I just hope so and hold in my faith.

Btw, Uhm. So are you still on that field?

One cannot pursue being a speech-pathologist without a master's.

I'm still a data-entry clerk, working for my city.

Have you tried practicing speaking about a special interest in front of people?

I'm NT so I'm assuming public speaking is easier for me, but still, when I was younger I was terrified each time I had to make a speech in class. Until once I had to stand up and speak on the spot about something. I didn't know I was being graded, so I decided to speak about Star Trek the Next Generation and talk about the alternate universe episode with the fake Riker who got stuck on the planet and was angry about it (lolll). I was so wrapped up in how hilarious and interesting my story was, I forgot that I was talking to the class. It ended up being a good speech, I guess, because I got an A. To my bewilderment.

But after that I stopped being afraid of speaking in front of people.

That's awesome. ::smile:: May God bless you on your journeys

Uhm.. Yes, many times. i.e when we have to demonstrate and tell about our special interests in our Speech Comm class, and I find it much easier actually because even though it was impromptu I played my piano uhm good and

Don't you see, Owl: I gave up!

I'm doing all right--but I could be doing much better.

I gave up being a teacher, too, because I have no ability to control a class (I also took Education as a minor, and I did well academically in that, too).

But...you have a chance. You're almost done. Just get through the Practicums. We are here to help you.

How do you relate to the Geriatric population?

Uhm.. Yes, many times. i.e when we demonstrated and tell about our special interests in our Speech Comm class, and I find it much easier actually because even though it was impromptu I played my piano uhm good and speaking didn't cause me turbulent jitters that time lol.

Though, when I speak in front of many people regardless, I still feel nervous because I'm afraid they might see me acting weird, and I don't like eye contact which made me questioned by my prof in speech comm one time if I'm asocial because even though I can deliver a speech well I stoop down when performing.

I guess building self-confidence and reducing anxiety both require participating in more uncomfortable or difficult situations with the result that one is somewhat successful on some task in those situations. Then one might be less anxious and have more belief in one's own abilities in future.