All or nothing socialization

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I seem to be very all or nothing when it comes to socializing. If I'm socializing I want everyone to be bubbly, loud and engaging with each other. I can't stand it when the conversation stops or quiets down.

My energy level and social skills just drop super low when that happens. For me being alone is kind of like going to the bathroom. It's a basic need, but I sure don't want to have people around when I'm doing it.

Maybe my life is miserable because I just don't have enough satisfying socialization. When I'm around my extroverted and fun step sisters my energy level is higher and I just feel satisfied. When I'm around my more quiet biological family I feel low energy and unsatisfied. They also do annoying stuff like ask me to quiet down or censoring me.

I guess this means I'm a socially awkward extrovert. It really sucks because I can't find a group of people that is fun enough for me. I blame it on my social awkwardness. I've always found a lot of people annoying. That made me avoid people way too much.

I do this too. People frequently wonder what force of nature managed to turn an itinerant techie into a conversationalist, but the answer(s) aren't conducive to anyone's sanity so those aren't questions I elicit. I tend to think most people want nothing to do with my working as a hacker but I'm usually wrong so I overindulge their curiosity when I can because I might as well see if my knowledge & opinions make it all the way around the globe & hit the back of my head.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I'd rather not be around all bubbly people all the time. I like conversations which are virtuous in nature, rather than having many gesticulations and all that. I like virtuous give-and-take, rather than constant interruptions.

Csnsorship is evil. The only reason it's not a crime under most constitutions is because there's no way to outlaw it.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos