Weird meltdown?

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Mine are like tantrums except I don't enjoy having them so they can't possible be those. But the thing I have read about meltdowns is they don't stop right when your needs are met, they keep going. For me it's the opposite. Right when my needs get met, I start to calm down and it stops just like that as if I was having a tantrum. I don't feel normal again on the inside because it takes awhile for me to recharge but I am not yelling or screaming or having freak outs anymore acting like I am Bipolar because my anxiety has went down.

If there is something in my life that is causing me anxiety, I get irritable and short tempered and any little thing annoys me I can't handle a lot. Even my son whining could set me off into a screaming fit or my daughter touching something she isn't supposed to touch or even my husband asking me to do something and there I am screaming at him or at my kids whoever does something. I always feel this pressure and intense inside me so I am very short tempered and can't handle lot of things and all I want to do is relax and so whatever calms me so anyone trying to get me from it will put me into a screaming mode and I hate this. I know it's the anxiety that is doing it and this is what I mean by I go crazy because it makes me act the way I don't like to act and I then go feeling bad about myself. I even feel like I am having a tantrum because once whatever is fixed that was giving me the anxiety, I am all of a sudden better and feel normal again as if nothing happened. I even feel lighter inside like weight had been lifted off me. My mom calls these meltdowns but yet I keep reading they don't go away even after the situation is fixed that was causing it and tantrums stop right when the kid gets what they want. That is how I operate except I don't enjoy it. Then everyone getting mad at me doesn't help and I still have all this anxiety inside of me and I feel like shutting down so things I am usually able to handle seem too much work for me and I feel apathetic like I have no mental energy. It's like I can't handle doing a simple thing and even trying to make me do it will put me in a screaming rage and this isn't fair to my children or to my husband and there I am making everyone in the house suffer all because of my anxiety because of whatever is causing it. Right now the problem we are having is with our bath tub and every day when it's not fixed, I feel more and more anxious and I am worried I will be heading for Bipolar behavior again which my mom calls meltdowns and the trigger of all would be because of that damn bath tub and once it's fixed, I will magically be all better again and the Bipolar behavior will be gone and it's like I have thrown a temper tantrum and then I feel guilty because my anxiety is gone so it makes these so called meltdowns be gone too. I am feeling calm now because I wiped out the bathtub and went to my computer and the kids are gone for the day so there is nothing to trigger me to put me into these rages. I can just hide in my room and do nothing.

Is it possible to have tantrums involuntarily and not enjoy them?

My sister has Borderline Personality Disorder and has some major tantrums even at 21 but she NEVER EVER enjoys them and they're NEVER voluntary.

A tantrum will happen to get a reaction out of someone else in order to get what you want. The tantrum can be just as bad as a meltdown but A MELTDOWN HAPPENS REGARDLESS IF ANYONE IS AROUND OR NOT.

A Meltdown is literally a loss of control a tantrum is a learned behaviour.

My mother also has BPD and her tantrums used to scare me to death, but she would never have them alone.

My meltdowns usually happen with my alone, i go somewhere else when im in the rumbling stage of my meltdown, i freak out and then when im calm i apologize and laydown for a while, my sisters tantrums happen in front of people but shell leave when people stop paying attention to her.

I am not sure how to explain mine because they only seem to happen with people around because when I am alone, there is no one to trigger them. So I don't know what to say about it or how to describe it. I used to think they were tantrums when I was in my teens and then I would feel exhausted afterwards and then I thought they were meltdowns when I read about them and then I read tantrums are on purpose and done intentionally and meltdowns are not and I seem to be in between because they stop after I get my needs but yet I don't enjoy having them and they seem involuntarily. I am so lost here and confused. I always feel bad for them. I still feel anxious and lost inside but like I say, there is no one around to trigger my episodes. My dad is working and my mom is sick in bed and my husband and kids are out of town with his mother for his birthday. No matter what I read about tantrums or meltdowns, none of them seem to explain these I have.


Okay just saw your second reply so maybe they are just rage cycles I am having and my mom is just calling them meltdowns or shut downs. Now I have found a name for these, thank you.

Yeah Rage cycles are probably best ways to describe them. I also have tantrums too though, like if my dad tries to pressure me into doing something i dont want to or i dont get what i want, they're just not as big as my sister.

Have you ever had meltdown not caused by a person? for example one day i was just over-stimmulated, i was home alone all the sudden i snapped, i through the glass of water in my hand and it shattered, i started screaming and crying, i couldnt do anything all i could do was hyperventilating and pacing.I started hitting myself on the head. it lasted 6 minutes, after that i layed in the dark and slept, thats all i could do.

No I have never had any meltdowns not caused by anyone. My episodes have always been caused by things that were created by people so it makes me appear selfish and wanting my way and having tantrums and I am sure it makes me appear manipulative or narcissist.

I think one thing to consider is that although typical autistic meltdowns may be described one way, there are other rage type scenarios that people experience. I think BPD is a good example - often the BPD rage is very unpleasant to the person experiencing it. They experience intense emotions which are difficult for them to control.

what scenarios cause your tantrums/meltdowns? are they caused by people interfering with your routine or environment?

Usually my sisters Rage tantrums are caused by a sense of injustice and most of the time its a corrupted sense of justice. for example, i got 40 dollars from my grandfather and i wanted to keep it for myself, my sister asked me to buy her some Frozen Yogurt, i buy her frozen yogurt and starbucks ALL the time but i said no just this once, i told it had been a while since i was able to buy myself something. So she got angry and told me all the groceries she buys i can no longer have ( my dad was out of the province and he would send my sister money and she was in charge of groceries.) we got into a huge argument and i ended up having a meltdown and leaving and staying outside for hours in the rain.

I would say that its a meltdown if its caused by interfering of environment, routine, or rituals, a inability to affectivly communicate, a overwhelming sense of loss of control but commonly its a inability to identify ones emotions and they end up being bottled up and they overflow and explode in the form of a meltdown.

A Tantrum is the desire to control another person or situation or to get a result or reaction from another person.

Environment, yes. I hate change of plans or sudden interruptions or when something goes wrong that could interfere with my routine. But I am always calm when I know what to expect or when something won't get in my way or when I learn how to deal with it. If it's about the unknown, that also triggers it. If I am having a bad day, I also get this way too if too much has happened in one day such as change or things I don't like that causes me a inconvenience or dealing with my son's screaming or whining so the glass fills up. So something I can usually deal with I all of a sudden can't deal with it. If I explode about something, I try and look at what the triggers were all day long before it lead me to that. Like I don't like it when people take things from my room or move my stuff. I can deal with that usually like an NT but if it's done all the time, I head for ASD about it or if I have had a bad day and I come home and see someone has been in my room or I find the TV remote gone, I get angry about it because now I can't watch my show and now I have to look for the damn remote, change. But everyone in my home knows to keep our kids out of my room when I am gone and to keep my door closed so my daughter can't go in there and take stuff and my son can't go in there or else he might forget to close the door, you know how forgetful kids are. So I can see why it would upset me often when I was a child when my brothers would go in my room or mess with my dollhouse and I can remember crying about it and refusing to calm down until it was solved and I can remember getting revenge on my brothers later on so I could move on. Then when they were older, they didn't go in my room anymore or mess with my things so it didn't bother me as much if someone took something from my room or messed with something of mine once in a while. But I once was in a bad mood and I go in my room and saw stuff in my bed that wasn't mine and boy did I start crying and yelling about it when I was 13 or 14. Well I felt it was coming all back again because I have children now and you know how kids are, they will touch stuff and mess things up so no wonder the adults don't let them touch anything that isn't theirs or mess with things that isn't theirs. They're forgetful and impulsive and they don't even remember where they put things so I understand the "don't touch, it's mine" rule.

I remember reading a book called There is Something Different About Dad and he had Asperger's in it and they used this analogy about the glass filling and it meant the father could deal with so much that goes on in it say time such as if someone touches his collection let's say and then when the glass gets full, he goes into a rage and no one saw it coming. Then when he got diagnosed, everyone then understood and learned how to deal with it and he had to learn how to recognize his triggers so he could avoid them. I read the book once so I don't know if this is accurate. But that explained it about me. There are things I am okay with and other days I am not okay with it so I yell about it or curse about it.

Also fear does it too and the unknown. Like for example, we had out bathtub and sink clogged and then the downstairs sink was clogged so that was too much for me. That made me real anxious and the fact it was getting worse and worse made me more anxious and the fact no one was doing anything about it, I started to pace and asking my husband for tools so I could fix the sink and I couldn't calm down and then I was walking around the house yelling and I was worried that it would never get fixed or done because everyone kept saying they will do it and they never do so I couldn't trust them anymore. I was worried about not being able to shower and wondering what will happen. I would have to wash my hair in the kitchen sink and do sponge baths and what if the kitchen sink gets backed up now. I had this fear so it was giving me anxiety so finally my dad called a plumber after trying to fix it himself and he got the sink unclogged but couldn't unplug the tub because the problem was the stopper that broke off and fell down the pipe so its blocking the water and makes it drain real slowly. My anxiety went down again and then last night my mom got sick and threw up and pooped herself so she had to wash herself in the tub and that increased my anxiousness because of fear of the water not going down because what if the poop stops the water from drawing. Oh no I am not showering in s**t. Then I thought we would have to use a bucket to pour the water out of the tub and into the toilet and flush and then use a towel to wipe the mess out of the tub. But just as long as it doesn't take the tub longer and longer to drain after each use, my anxiety will stay down and I don't have these rages. My anxiety went down again when I saw the tub still drained and when I wiped it out and sprayed it and I felt happier because that was less anxiety I got out of me when I did a solution to my problem. If anyone tried to stop me, there would be hell lol because they were keeping me from trying to ease my anxiety so I would be less anxious and less stressed out and have less intense in me because I got rid of the fear by solving my problem that was causing all these feelings and thoughts.

So none of this is new I am doing. Sadly not everything evolves around me because I can't control everyone around me just so I will be anxious free and not go crazy I call it and I can't always control my environment just so I will stay calm because anything different or that will change my routine or something is what does it and I can handle so much and I am limited to how long I can handle something that is inconvenient and if it's getting worse and worse, then I have a problem and then it becomes everyone's problem around me. And this is what I mean by it's caused by other people. Typing this makes me feel I am blaming my problems on others but that isn't my intent. I am just explaining what my trigger is. It's baffling how others around me can act like none of this is a big deal lol but I guess this is what ASD does for us while the NTs can live on and act like it's no big deal because it won't make them all anxious and afraid and then having explosions due to all the anxiety they are having from something because it's so easy to fill their glass up. They aren't starting from the bottom is why because it's already almost full.

Ok, imagine someone did something that normally triggers you. But, they are not there when you find out. Would you melt down right then and there? Or would you wait until they got home to melt down in front of them?

What if they then left without fixing the problem? Would your yelling or other behaviors stop or de-escalate? Or would you continue in the same manner?

I think you nailed it. I think it's based on fear and feeling out of control. I would not call this tantrums. Tantrums are what spoiled bratty children do when they want something they can't have. I think it's closer t meltdowns because it's involuntary. I think you will be able to solve this if you can get to the root of what is causing the fear and anxiety for you. But it sounds like you get very frightened when your environment makes you feel like you have lost control over it. This is very common especially for people on the Spectrum, so I have been told. So what I think you need to do is to see if you can find what the root fears are and address them. Then you can come up with ways to cope with the environmental changes.

That is a very good question. I have had problems in the past that wasn't caused by anyone around me but by people online and I have felt tense and stress like I can't relax and I keep on trying to solve the problem. Like with yahoo. I remember the days when they would keep deleting my account like for no reason at all so I always panicked when I saw I couldn't log into my account and it had been closed and I would create a new account every time and rejoin my groups and it would happen again within a couple hours and it was always stressful. It's like I am tenacious and never give up. I have no idea what happened there because I don't think I violated any TOS so I guess I had someone harassing me by making bogus reports about me and somehow getting the Yahoo service to shut down my account. I never found out who did it but after a while whoever it was, they stopped because my account stayed.

I remember having a meltdown caused by my ex except he wasn't there, it was over something on the phone because he cursed and blew up at me when he was withholding a Dish Network piece from me they wanted back and they were going to charge me a huge fine if I didn't return it and they were sending someone to get it from me so with them and my ex. It was all chaotic for me and full of anxiety so I came on here and made that post about asking if I will get in trouble with Dish Network, boy did I never forgive him for that so I was pissed about it for months and he didn't seem to get it but that was because he didn't care and it was all about him and I think he did it on purpose to drive me up the wall and he knew I had anxiety so he used it against me and I think the only reason why I got it back was the stuff I wrote on here about wanting to sue him and how my dad has a friend who is an attorney and my dad wanting to drive all the way here and come get it from him at his work and me saying I might call the police and report theft and send Dish network after him. I was considering those things because I would do anything to get something back important he was keeping from me. I didn't realize how much stress I was under until I got that thing back and if I had children or other people around, there would have been hell because it would have been easier to push my buttons and I would have less coping skills and be able to handle less things but because it was me alone, there were no triggers and I could just be in my room alone with the computer and my video games and my aunt and uncle were gone all day and lived their own lives. I was single then thank goodness and the lesson I learned is when you move out of your ex's home, do a double check in each room to make sure you have all your stuff or you might never see it again. I let my other stuff go because it was not worth the anxiety and stress and dealing with my ex's rages and I let my paycheck go too which he never gave me so in a way he won but I made the right choice letting it all go because it was all replaceable. I don't realize the affects on me unless there are other people around.

I once had a meltdown over something that was caused by me. I forgot to set my alarm so I slept in and was late to my doctor's and missed it so they had to reschedule me and it was that same day and I needed that appointment because of my pills and without my pills, I would have troubles sleeping and feel nausea due to my body being used to them and it wouldn't be good for work and I would also have hot flashes so even missing a dose would do that. I did cry in the waiting room and paced and stimmed and it was humiliating. I was single then and had no kids. So my whole morning and day was ruined and I cried in the doctor's office and I felt like a b***h.

At work I couldn't get the paper towels dispenser to work and I was already behind because we had the staff meeting and someone was off work that day because they either called in sick or they took a floating holiday so I had some extra duties and I was having a meltdown about it because it got me behind and the fact I had extra duties and it all added up and then there was that paper towels dispenser that would get jammed and I remember slamming the thing closed and hitting it and cussing and no one was there. I then realized I could have broken it with what I did. I just worked super fast like I was in a game show because it's not like I could hide in the closet and do my "pity party" my mother would call it to let it all out so I held lot of it in and it gave me chest pains. I knew hiding away wouldn't get my work done any faster and I would still get off work late and it would be even later if I melted down in the closet. I calmed down when I caught up. My issue was solved so I stopped just like that and I wasn't working so fast like I was before as if I was in a game show. But from what I understand, meltdowns don't stop just like that when the issue is solved so I don't know what this would be. That is why I said it feels like a tantrum because tantrums stop after the person gets what they wanted.

I have considered anxiety pills again but my insurance doesn't cover any pills. I tried to sign up for Plan D but got rejected saying we made too much. So I try and deal with it myself and try harder. I think my life would be easier with pills though.

I thought it was OCD and anxiety too but hard to tell when you have all three.

I disagree, Tantrums are REAL feelings of anxiety, Anger and sadness the feelings just become so powerful the person acts out, most of the time tantrums are a learned behaviour, just like Phobias; real fear but a learned behaviour. Tantrums are often to get a reaction and is a subconscious reaction to emotions.