Burnout is becoming difficult to handle

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The advice I'm most interested in is rather specific but I'll get to that soon. Feel free to skip to my questions; I know I'm long-winded.

I was diagnosed earlier this year. The main reason I even discovered the possibility of autism was because of how difficult I was finding life in general (they say AS; I'm unsure because of murky developmental history - might be HFA). Basically I believe I've been in autistic burnout for some time. Winter is not making it easier as I am seasonally affected.

Meltdowns are ramping up. They happen so often and, although I used to avoid outward physical displays of aggression, I now smash at items. I threw my 3DS across the room, breaking it in two. Luckily a friend has offered me her old one.

What is concerning me right now is this laptop. It cost a lot of money and I haven't paid it off yet. In the past couple weeks, I have begun slamming my hands on it and even lifted it in the air to throw at my poor carer. Luckily for us all, I haven't actually chucked it at him. It is also presumed by the psychiatrist that I have dyspraxia, so I wind up dropping it from where I sit in my bed.

I know that I should put aside the laptop if I can feel overload or anger coming on, but that's not always possible. I'm not sure what sort of stim I should aim for instead. I've also seemingly begun to "forget" to stim. In my childhood, I was restricted and it turned to organised self-destructive behaviour. So I think that in combination with being so exhausted has me confused.

Questions

- I fear the change in my routine but I know I should sit at the desk in the living room with my laptop instead of hiding in my room. Do you have advice which will make this transition easier?

- If I don't manage to remove my laptop from my reach before I become too angry, do you think there is some way to catch myself before I hit it? I don't really know how I managed to avoid it before, I think it was because I was still able to access the part of my mind that told me these were expensive objects.

- What sort of stim do you think would be best to have nearby? I know I like textures and noises, and I have a few items, but none of them seem to draw me.

- If you have went through a period of exhaustion in which you stimmed less even though you needed it, how did you remind yourself to consciously do so?

- What techniques do you use to deal with anger and meltdowns? I have a lot of social work and therapy planned but it hasn't started yet.

- Is there any advice you can give to assist me on treating my carer better? He's my flatmate and best friend, but I wind up howling at him. I don't seem to be able to help it at the time, yet there must be some way to limit it. I try to communicate with him about what sets me off. He's quite drained from looking after me for the past six years, though, and I think that's why he's always forgetting.


Please be as understanding as you can manage. I'm very embarrassed about this and extremely upset. I don't like being dangerous or cruel.

Sometimes this helps: http://www.littlecrazymonkey.com/play/c ... nl-_0-K-WY
And you may try lowering the temperature in your room, so that it gives an immediat reward when you go to the living room !
Idk if this is helpfull at all, sorry if it isn't

I think that the temperature idea is pretty clever, actually, but I'm not sure if it will work for me. It could help other people though.

The idea of an "immediate reward" is something I'll think about. I have a cat who usually spends her time in the living room but she's a little madam and isn't always the best cuddler. You also have to search for her sometimes. So she isn't too helpful in that regard. Still cute as a a button though.

I don't think the reward should be sweets because once I start regaining weight, I don't want to wind up comfort-eating.

Interesting to think on. *nods*

Just continue to identify what is stressing you and eliminate as much as possible. If you have suppressed stimming start unsurpressing it. If you feel a meltdown coming stim. Maybe have a routine where you stim several times a day.

Hmmmm....maybe you could make it physically difficult/awkward to hit.

Put something very solid and park-bench-armrest-shaped thing right over top of the keyboard, maybe?

It would have to stand upright and not tilt over, though so you'd have to affix the "legs" of it to something underneath (like the top of your desk, if you start using your desk -- or the top of a lap-desk, if you don't start using your normal desk).....

The top bar would have to sit hight enough above the keyboard that your hands could fit underneath to type comfortably, but sit low enough that you'd have to slide your hands under the bar and couldn't just lift them straight up without bashing them into it....

Something like would impede your movements if you wanted to bash the laptop with your hands, or lift the laptop up and throw it.

I take the antipsychotic Haldol/Haloperidol & it helps me with my anger & meltdowns.

Have you ever tried a weighted blanket? My HFA son has one at school and it really relaxes him. They are a bit pricey but you can find them on ebay. There is an ebay store out of Maine who custom makes them for autism and other issues.

I too have ASD and when i feel a meltdown coming on, i find a calm, quiet place. Dark is good too. I often have to let it run its course if i get to the point of a meltdown. If i find ways of keeping myself calm before i have a meltdown, that is far better. I try to minimize overly stressful situations and build quiet times into my schedule. I don't do a lot of stimming--just some here and there and it is more for enjoyment than keeping meltdowns at bay; but if stimming keeps you from meltdowns, it sounds like you would benefit from building it into your schedule.

But weighted blanket has been one of the most relaxing things for my son--a very helpful thing at our house.

Thank you for the responses, these are helpful. I won't quote anybody directly - I'm either tired or lazy at the moment.

I could put "1 - 3 minutes of favourite stim" on my Habitica Daily Task list. For those of you who don't know, Habitica is a cute little website which gives you exp for completing tasks, like a game would. It has been keeping me on the ball for other tasks and assisting my structuring of my own routine. So that might help.

Haldol/Haloperidol: I'll look this up myself but for the benefit of the thread I thought I would ask whether it has weight-altering side-effects. I am actually interested in an anti-psychotic, in part because AS is not the only set of symptoms I deal with, and I have tried a couple. I gained weight extremely quickly and now that I am off the last one and trying to come of the SSNRI Venlafaxine, I am now underweight. People around me are becoming very concerned about how little I can force myself to eat.

Dark room: I need to shake off this... trapped feeling I have. I need to be in my room, in my bed, all the time. If I manage to move through to the living room in the day time, I can remove myself from appliances and come through here. I will talk to social work about that.

Weighted blanket: Oh damn! I knew there was something I should have thought about buying with the back payment I received. I should have been receiving higher disability benefits for a year now and got a lump sum. I spent a lot on practical items and then began to buy myself (and interested friends) special interest items. I figured that would help my well-being.

If anybody has a good website for weighted blankets either in the UK or shipping free to the UK, that would be very helpful.

As for the thing to make it difficult to hit the laptop: My brain can't visualise what you mean, unfortunately.

~ ~ ~

In the past few days I've been doing a little better. More shutdowns than meltdowns and less aggression. I know that doesn't necessarily mean that things are okay but I thought I'd mention it. Thanks again. Any further advice or just comments are welcome and appreciated.

I don't think weight altering affects are common with it. I haven't read anything about it when I researched it & it's not affecting my weight.

Ah, unfortunately when I looked at Drugs.com I found a few side effects which I can't risk: weight gain, loss of appetite, decreased sexual ability.

My mind has already failed me so I can't remember how common they all were, but these are symptoms which have caused me a great deal of distress. I've been on a few different medicines. Quite scared of them now.

It's a shame. I really think that an anti-psychotic would be could for me but I don't really imagine that I'll find one that avoids these.

Here is a link to a weighted blanket listing on ebay. This particular one is sized more for a child--5 lbs of weight from vinyl pellets.

This seller does ship outside of the U.S. Shipping details and rates available on listing or you can contact the seller. I believe she also does custom work, if the listings currently available didn't suit your specifications. It isn't free, but if something like this would help you, the price may be worth it. Or if you know someone who sews, you could buy the vinyl pellets and material to make your own. That may be cheaper than ordering from ebay. Hope this helps.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/5-pd-SOLID-BLUE ... f#shpCntId

Is the desk you sit at for therapy horribly uncomfortable, adding to your dislike of the situation? Try sitting on a bean bag or maybe a rolling chair instead. Make the environment where you sit less restrictive and more enticing. Before your sessions, put some of your favorite foods on the table and snack when you get irritable. Perhaps tape a piece of paper to the top of your computer with the words "Don't throw this computer" and a frown face. Maybe set a beanbag on the floor so when you do inevitably throw the computer, you throw it on the beanbag instead. Use scented things in the room, like incense or spray a room deodorizer you like. Smoke a cigarette?

I think you should address the larger problems instead of the more specific ones.
The problem with focusing on more specific ones is that once you address one of them and think that one is taken care of, another appears, then as you address more and more of them, you may become more and more easily stressed by smaller and smaller issues.

For weighted blankets try sensorydirect.com. They are based in the uk.

How's your diet?