I'm Tired of People Trying to Make Eye Contact with Me

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I'm convinced that many people stare at me trying to make eye contact with me. This isn't a question but a rant. Eye contact is stupid. I am no longer going to recognize eye contact. If you have something to say to me, open your mouth and say it. Don't make eyes at me expecting some sort of response. I don't chat with random strangers but if they say "hello" I'll likely respond. If they just stare, I get aggravated. On countless occasions I have been next in line at a restaurant and the cashier will just look at me. So now a look is supposed to mean, "What can I get for you ma'am"? That's stupid. If they don't say anything I don't go up to the counter.

I wonder if strangers pick up on some kind of sense that you don't want to make eye contact with them and then try to force it. I'm NT and am usually fine with meaningless social interactions, but I don't think people try to catch my eye. Especially in a check-out line. Usually the cashier seems tired and is grateful not to bother with me.

I only have a problem when I get an awkward teenaged boy who is obviously trying TOO hard to do his job well. He'll call me "ma'am" and want a detailed response when he asks me how my shopping experience was. WHO CARES.

Last Wenesday, my mom asked me if I wanted Dunkin Donuts. She then said I had to come downstairs to ask my dad. When I asked my dad, my mom forced me to make eye contact with him. She held my head and tried to make my eyes look straight at my dad's. I eventually gave up, and fixed myself some cereal.

Eye contact is such a big deal to them so maybe your parents want to teach you that. I can understand eye contact when speaking to someone but I'm definitely not gonna make a eye contact with random passing strangers everyday.

It does seem as though an awful lot of people are more interested in my eyes than in actually talking to me. I think the solution is to just wrap bandages around your head so they can stop getting distracted and focus on actually continuing the conversation.

Back in the '50s, when I was in Drivers Ed. the instructor had us take a pop quiz. I missed one question and almost everyone else got it right...I was astounded, and didn't understand why I missed the question, until about 55 years later, on this forum.

The question was: When you're driving and you and another driver arrive and stop at a four-way intersection at the same time, what is the first thing you do? I don't remember my choice on the multiple choice question test, but I remember the correct answer. It was: "Make eye contact with the other driver."

I could never understand why the other kids got it right and I didn't..."What did they know that I didn't?" and finally, thanks to Alex and Wrong Planet, now I know.

They didn't tell you after what the correct answer was?

That's how I trained my DOG to treat my CAT with respect. That's not how you treat human beings.

There's a reason why I can't say that autistic children are within my range of professional expertise. I went to an autism school once to see if I could volunteer there as a teacher for a few months. They would take me, but after the tour, I felt ill. They were doing things like that to the kids- like forcing them to make eye contact and mimic neurotypical people. It looked like an animal training facility.

I would think that a kid your age wouldn't be able to tolerate something like that. I would ask you to work on increasing your tolerance to eye contact, or to try to fake it, but I wouldn't force it. I just don't see how that's helpful.

More like, "You, not me, are the one who'll get in trouble soon if you don't move so the queue can advance, so you'd better hustle no matter how rude I may be to you. If I am, it's because I can afford it".

Yep; I found out what they were talking about....and it made sense. If you look at another driver you can better figure out what the other driver intends to do. And, for an NT I guess, making eye contact gives them an added idea of what the other person plans to do....at least they may know the other driver sees them. I sometimes do this now.

I guess the point I was making was that it was a natural thing for the NT kids in the class to make eye contact and to logically decide making eye contact was the first and best answer. But for me, at 15 years old, making eye contact was the last thing I'd think of, and now I know why we were so different in our understanding.

I'm so sorry. I went through something similar when I was young, with many of my autistic symptoms.

Why forcing an autistic child/person to make eye contact is wrong, wrong, wrong:

If you can, get them to watch this wonderful video by the amazing Amythest Schaber:



Distant second choice:

If they refuse, print these out & leave them where your parents can find them.

Link to Scientific American article on eye contact, autistic people & threat response

Link to LiveScience article on autism & avoiding eye contact

Eye contact is meaningless to me. I don't drive, but if I did, I would need the other driver to motion with their hands or even mouth something. Just locking eyes with me wouldn't do anything but annoy me.

I'm sorry they keep trying to make eye contact. I don't know what is up with the obsession with eye contact.

My mom used to grab my chin when she was mad at me and pinch me really hard, force my head up and yell "Look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you!" And she wore the big fake nails, they hurt. Thankfully I'm in my mid 20's now and she doesn't do that anymore.

Luckily as an adult no one has mentioned or seemed to care whether I look them in the eyes. But I do now look at their chin or their shoulder, close enough to the eyes that most people can't tell. The only time someone has come close was a coworker poking me on the shoulder at work trying to get me look at or respond to her and she kept it up until finally I told her I couldn't look at her or respond while she was touching me. And it sort of came out in a distressed almost yell. She apologized and somehow word got around that I don't like to be touched.

Dark sunglasses are a wonderful thing.

(even smilies wear them)

animals are smart enough not to make eye contact with each other nomatter what you do to them.

sometimes cute girls that dont realize they are see guys get caught staring when they didnt mean to and wonder what everybodys looking at alot too. ive seen that happen a few times.