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beneficii
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08 Jan 2016, 2:47 am

I've read somewhere that self-diagnosis of Asperger's/autism is used an excuse for "shocking social skills." I've searched the web and have seen the term used elsewhere, but I cannot make heads or tails of what it might mean. Does anyone know?


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Schlumpfikus
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08 Jan 2016, 3:57 am

I guess it means having shockingly bad or little social skills. Such as if someone gives you a present which you don't actually like but still smile and enthusiastically say 'thank you', you have good to very good social skills, if you at least nod and say thanks you still have some social skills, but if you say 'yuck, what's that? I hate it' you have shockingly bad social skills. There is certainly a better example but I can't think of any right now.



SocOfAutism
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08 Jan 2016, 9:20 am

Schlumpfikus wrote:
I guess it means having shockingly bad or little social skills. Such as if someone gives you a present which you don't actually like but still smile and enthusiastically say 'thank you', you have good to very good social skills, if you at least nod and say thanks you still have some social skills, but if you say 'yuck, what's that? I hate it' you have shockingly bad social skills. There is certainly a better example but I can't think of any right now.


^great example. Let me think of a few more...

-You are at the park. A woman is there with a little boy. You say hello to the boy. He responds, "You're ugly!"
-As you are paying for your purchases, a man behind you in line says to another man, "What kind of person has tattoos?" (You are the only person in the vicinity with tattoos, and you happen to be heavily tattooed)
-You hold the door open for a man behind you, but he instead ignores you, steps to the side, opens the other door, and goes in.

The first incident was something my husband did when he was a little boy and the last two happened to me in the past couple of years, by partially verbal people.

All of these are example of social breaches, which are extreme deviations from normal social interactions. It causes the person the breach "happened to" to feel violated and to react by either ignoring it, laughing, or getting angry, and working hard to get the normal interactions back on course.



naturalplastic
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08 Jan 2016, 11:24 am

I guess it means "shocking lack of social skills". Not that you're SO socially skilled that its shocking.



Starfoxx
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08 Jan 2016, 12:09 pm

Plenty of people can be like that but they generally have good social skills. It could be just ill say what I'm thinking and don't care if it offends anyone



Schlumpfikus
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08 Jan 2016, 12:18 pm

I can't imagine that it works very well for them. If you lack social skills and therefore have a hard time finding a job, or friends or how to keep a relationship or whatever it is you want, what difference does it make if you come to the conclusion that you are struggling because you are an autistic with low social skills or because you are a non-autistic with low social skills?
Neither do I think it will make much of a difference to most other people. I think if someone constantly holds the door open for the 'grumpy' neighbour and he ignores it, he'll be known as the grumpy guy. Then this man excuses himself 'I have Asperger's' - and what now? I think he will from then on simply be known as the weird grumpy guy with Asperger's. He could just as well say 'I have little social skills' or 'That's just me.'



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08 Jan 2016, 3:18 pm

I imagine shocking "social skills" is someone like in the screen shots in Creepy PMs on reddit. Lot of them seem to think it's okay to flash your dick at someone without their consent or not take a hint that they are not interested when they have ignored you like three times or talking about sex right away and how hot you are and how good your body is and how it turns them on and how they want to do it with you when they don't even know you.

And I have had random strangers rant to me about their drama and that always bothers me because I don't want to sit here and listen to you about your personal issues. I just want to do my own thing. Apparently this is inappropriate because this bothers lot of people and makes them uncomfortable. Also the fact that me playing my game or reading doesn't give them the hint that I am not interested and I don't want to listen to them or even want to talk. I often think they have mental issues or else they wouldn't be doing this.


I would say that shocking social skills is something that a person does that anyone would know is not okay but that person didn't even know that so they come off as creepy or as a predator and not taking no for an answer and people might assume they are being manipulative because they don't think anyone can be that naive or that ignorant.


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SocOfAutism
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08 Jan 2016, 3:25 pm

Schlumpfikus wrote:
I can't imagine that it works very well for them. If you lack social skills and therefore have a hard time finding a job, or friends or how to keep a relationship or whatever it is you want, what difference does it make if you come to the conclusion that you are struggling because you are an autistic with low social skills or because you are a non-autistic with low social skills?
Neither do I think it will make much of a difference to most other people. I think if someone constantly holds the door open for the 'grumpy' neighbour and he ignores it, he'll be known as the grumpy guy. Then this man excuses himself 'I have Asperger's' - and what now? I think he will from then on simply be known as the weird grumpy guy with Asperger's. He could just as well say 'I have little social skills' or 'That's just me.'


Yeah, it doesn't really have anything to do with being on the autism spectrum. It's basically doing or saying something very inappropriate and unexpected, that is not in lines with social rules. If you walk around with your fly down you're committing a social breach, and most of us have done that, certainly without meaning to.

If someone is continuously committing "shocking" social errors, it could be because that person is "lower spectrum" autistic, because they are from a culture VERY different from the one they're in now (like a person from Papua New Guinea in the United States or vice versa), because they have frontal lobe brain damage, because they are a baby or toddler, because they are not a human being, or because they're doing it on purpose for a reaction. I'm sure there are plenty of other reasons I'm not thinking of.



Starfoxx
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11 Jan 2016, 11:57 am

League_girl I agree that's what shocking social skills are to me lol