how innapropriate is this...

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My girlfriend of three months found a hand print in oil above my headboard of another womans hand whom i slept with from before i knew her. Ive noticed it a couple of times yet it didnt click in my head to clean it as well as that this could bring such chaos within our relationship. After noticing it i paused for a second had a minor panic attack and told her i didnt know....I then felt bad and immediately told her the truth which resulted in a huge fallout from which she is very understandly upset. She now questions trusting me and my feelings for her. I know this seems bad but there was a time when i was in her position when she had told me that there were other feelings that she had for her ex, but she told me that there was no possibility of that happening and to trust her. I did and i now expect her to do the same for me. I do feel really bad that she is hurting but i wanted neutral advice on how this looks from both sides of the story and what if anything i could possibly do.

Last edited by bizmack on 15 Apr 2007, 3:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I'm with you on this bizmark. I would hsve done the same thing. I quess she might be a little upset, but it is just a hand print- you know what, this would make a great episode of Seinfeld, sorry My mind is all over the place today- You did have a life before you met this person. I just don't get this sometimes!

I would tell her that she seems to feel jealous because you once had an attraction to a woman no longer in your life. Tell her how much she means to you, but having a history of past relationships is normal for both partners. Aplogize for your housekeeping rather than yourself.

not wanting to sound too negative or anything - but has she honestly just noticed it after 3 months, is she trying to ditch you, leaving you with the guilt?

no we were actually talking about her moving in with me in a couple of months....Her ex cheated on her and lied to her and everything else so i understand why she feels so insecure about it. It just seems sometimes that i can never do right by her. Even as much as i have told her about my condition it seems it doesnt make a dent sometimes. This just happened so i think i am going to wait a night or two for her to actually think about what she has said. There is no doubt that we are in love so im just trying to be as sensative towards her fellings without fracking things up even more.....

And so far as the cleaning its wierd i usually keep a very neat and orderly apartment. I mean i noticed the hand print yet i never cleaned it before...I have no idea why..

One of many reasons why I stay away from boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.

It's one thing to know that your partner has (gasp) had sex with another person before you, but it's another thing to be confronted with physical evidence of it.

Dude, if you want this lady to stick around, you'll have to buy a new bed. I'm totally serious. If I were her, I would never be able to sleep with you in that bed again because I would always have the visual memory of another woman's handprint, lubed at that (!) and it would be an immediate turn-off.

In the future, destroy all evidence of previous couplings.

^^^
So you get a new bed after every relationship - because obviosuly you will have slept in that bed...

That's' extreme. (and expensive)
I think cleaning the room and maybe buying a new sheet set (with a bed spread) would show that you care to make a better impression. It's not like a box of scented love letters or anything. It happened, you forgot to clean it up and it's over.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahhahahahhahahhahhaahahahhahahahahhahahahahha

No, you didn't read my post and/or you missed the point. I am telling the guy what he needs to do, and you all crap all over me. Why do I bother.

Maybe these attitudes towards women are an indication of why many aspie males find it difficult to find a mate.

Why is it so threatening to some women that another woman may have, at some time in the past, slept in the same bed with the same guy? I must admit I don't get it, but then I don't get a lot of things relating to relationships.

Aylissa, what are you talking about? What "these attitudes" are referring to?

The bed is actually new, and the print is on the wall above my bed. Ive recently tried to wash it off with no results. I think in order to fix this i may have to cut a hole in the wall or have her move into another place with me. To be honest this sort of happened to me with an ex girlfriend who told me her ex gave her the best orgasims ever and i then couldnt get an erection with her since hearing that.

you are the man, let that b-ch know what is up.