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What is that "link" between people

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LaetiBlabla
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13 Jan 2016, 3:58 pm

Question to NTs:
What is that "link" between people?

I bring the best of myself to the people i interact with: i listen actively, understand, think and propose solutions or help.
I sometimes share activities and there also, i bring the best i can to contribute to the success.
I do that because i really think this attitude is important to contribute building an efficient, healthy, happy society and being accepted as part of it.

BUT, i would like to understand what is that "link" or "connection" that seems to make a difference between a stranger and a friend.
I have no clue, to the point that i don't even know if the question is understandable, ...well i hope so...)



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13 Jan 2016, 4:05 pm

LaetiBlabla wrote:
Question to NTs:
What is that "link" between people?

I bring the best of myself to the people i interact with: i listen actively, understand, think and propose solutions or help.
I sometimes share activities and there also, i bring the best i can to contribute to the success.
I do that because i really think this attitude is important to contribute building an efficient, healthy, happy society and being accepted as part of it.

BUT, i would like to understand what is that "link" or "connection" that seems to make a difference between a stranger and a friend.
I have no clue, to the point that i don't even know if the question is understandable, ...well i hope so...)


Love.


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My Autism was cured/treated in late childhood (this makes me a walking, talking, contradiction to 90% of the Forum who all believe Autism is incurable)


LaetiBlabla
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13 Jan 2016, 4:12 pm

Thanks, you must be right.
Then i am spending a lot of time giving a lot of love around me but i can't feel it.
It's a pity.



nurseangela
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13 Jan 2016, 4:19 pm

Howdy. Off the top of my head - eye contact, empathy, trust, sharing personal things about yourself, general interest in the other person, common interests, acceptance of the other person, caring, listening, sharing experiences together and other things probably that don't come to mind right now. Nothing about it is logical - it's all feelings.


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Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


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13 Jan 2016, 4:20 pm

LaetiBlabla wrote:
Thanks, you must be right.
Then i am spending a lot of time giving a lot of love around me but i can't feel it.
It's a pity.

What's your preferred method of communicating your feelings?


_________________
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, but the last step on the path to salvation.

Idealist wrote:
My Autism was cured/treated in late childhood (this makes me a walking, talking, contradiction to 90% of the Forum who all believe Autism is incurable)


nurseangela
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13 Jan 2016, 4:21 pm

Idealist wrote:
LaetiBlabla wrote:
Question to NTs:
What is that "link" between people?

I bring the best of myself to the people i interact with: i listen actively, understand, think and propose solutions or help.
I sometimes share activities and there also, i bring the best i can to contribute to the success.
I do that because i really think this attitude is important to contribute building an efficient, healthy, happy society and being accepted as part of it.

BUT, i would like to understand what is that "link" or "connection" that seems to make a difference between a stranger and a friend.
I have no clue, to the point that i don't even know if the question is understandable, ...well i hope so...)


Love.


It's not love - that's for special people only. I can have a "connection" with people and not love them.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Idealist
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13 Jan 2016, 4:26 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Idealist wrote:
LaetiBlabla wrote:
Question to NTs:
What is that "link" between people?

I bring the best of myself to the people i interact with: i listen actively, understand, think and propose solutions or help.
I sometimes share activities and there also, i bring the best i can to contribute to the success.
I do that because i really think this attitude is important to contribute building an efficient, healthy, happy society and being accepted as part of it.

BUT, i would like to understand what is that "link" or "connection" that seems to make a difference between a stranger and a friend.
I have no clue, to the point that i don't even know if the question is understandable, ...well i hope so...)


Love.


It's not love - that's for special people only. I can have a "connection" with people and not love them.

In my life, friends are special.

Though the kind of love may differ between that of a friend, and that of a lover, the link is unmistakable...

It is love.


_________________
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, but the last step on the path to salvation.

Idealist wrote:
My Autism was cured/treated in late childhood (this makes me a walking, talking, contradiction to 90% of the Forum who all believe Autism is incurable)


LaetiBlabla
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13 Jan 2016, 4:35 pm

Idealist wrote:
What's your preferred method of communicating your feelings?


I communicate facts with words.
Like now, i would say "I can give love, but i can't feel it, it is a pity"

But for example, now, i am listening to a nice music, and i say “i love that music”, because i feel the emotion.
With people, i never feel that or something like that.



nurseangela
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13 Jan 2016, 4:37 pm

Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Idealist wrote:
LaetiBlabla wrote:
Question to NTs:
What is that "link" between people?

I bring the best of myself to the people i interact with: i listen actively, understand, think and propose solutions or help.
I sometimes share activities and there also, i bring the best i can to contribute to the success.
I do that because i really think this attitude is important to contribute building an efficient, healthy, happy society and being accepted as part of it.

BUT, i would like to understand what is that "link" or "connection" that seems to make a difference between a stranger and a friend.
I have no clue, to the point that i don't even know if the question is understandable, ...well i hope so...)


Love.


It's not love - that's for special people only. I can have a "connection" with people and not love them.

In my life, friends are special.

Though the kind of love may differ between that of a friend, and that of a lover, the link is unmistakable...

It is love.


I'm not talking about close friends either. You can still have a connection with certain people by having a few of the things I listed above without "loving" them. An example would be some of my co-workers I can connect well with or some at church or in the knitting group I was in or some Aspies I communicated with on AC, but they just don't have that special "click" to even put them into "close friend status". For me, people are on levels. There are strangers, acquaintances, friends, close friends, best friends, family and Hunny (pretty much in that order). Love for me goes to best friends, family and Hunny stages and possibly close friends. It's complicated. I think it has to do with how much trust you put in someone and that makes you a more open person to then be able to love that person.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


nurseangela
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13 Jan 2016, 4:40 pm

LaetiBlabla wrote:
Idealist wrote:
What's your preferred method of communicating your feelings?


I communicate facts with words.
Like now, i would say "I can give love, but i can't feel it, it is a pity"

But for example, now, i am listening to a nice music, and i say “i love that music”, because i feel the emotion.
With people, i never feel that or something like that.


How do you give love?


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Idealist
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13 Jan 2016, 4:51 pm

LaetiBlabla wrote:
Idealist wrote:
What's your preferred method of communicating your feelings?


I communicate facts with words.
Like now, i would say "I can give love, but i can't feel it, it is a pity"

But for example, now, i am listening to a nice music, and i say “i love that music”, because i feel the emotion.
With people, i never feel that or something like that.


I see, verbal is your preferred method of communication, with emotion being a possible runner up.

How are you at other forms of communication, such as... Actually, I think already posted a list somewhere...

Oh well, it's not a full list, but it's close enough.

How are you at the forms of communication I mentioned in this -Link- post?


_________________
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, but the last step on the path to salvation.

Idealist wrote:
My Autism was cured/treated in late childhood (this makes me a walking, talking, contradiction to 90% of the Forum who all believe Autism is incurable)


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13 Jan 2016, 5:02 pm

nurseangela wrote:
I'm not talking about close friends either. You can still have a connection with certain people by having a few of the things I listed above without "loving" them. An example would be some of my co-workers I can connect well with or some at church or in the knitting group I was in or some Aspies I communicated with on AC, but they just don't have that special "click" to even put them into "close friend status". For me, people are on levels. There are strangers, acquaintances, friends, close friends, best friends, family and Hunny (pretty much in that order). Love for me goes to best friends, family and Hunny stages and possibly close friends. It's complicated. I think it has to do with how much trust you put in someone and that makes you a more open person to then be able to love that person.


Love has many forms.

Are you familiar with Colossians 3:14?


_________________
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, but the last step on the path to salvation.

Idealist wrote:
My Autism was cured/treated in late childhood (this makes me a walking, talking, contradiction to 90% of the Forum who all believe Autism is incurable)


nurseangela
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13 Jan 2016, 5:13 pm

Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
I'm not talking about close friends either. You can still have a connection with certain people by having a few of the things I listed above without "loving" them. An example would be some of my co-workers I can connect well with or some at church or in the knitting group I was in or some Aspies I communicated with on AC, but they just don't have that special "click" to even put them into "close friend status". For me, people are on levels. There are strangers, acquaintances, friends, close friends, best friends, family and Hunny (pretty much in that order). Love for me goes to best friends, family and Hunny stages and possibly close friends. It's complicated. I think it has to do with how much trust you put in someone and that makes you a more open person to then be able to love that person.


Love has many forms.

Are you familiar with Colossians 3:14?


Evidently, not familiar enough. Explanation?


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


LaetiBlabla
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13 Jan 2016, 5:37 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Howdy. Off the top of my head - eye contact, empathy, trust, sharing personal things about yourself, general interest in the other person, common interests, acceptance of the other person, caring, listening, sharing experiences together and other things probably that don't come to mind right now. Nothing about it is logical - it's all feelings.


I do those things but not as a result of feelings. I do it as a conscious logical activity following a social integration purpose. Maybe it sounds mean to you. But it is quite opposite. For me this "activity" is like if you would constantly make efforts to help your enemies: it is difficult, tiring and you know you will not get anything back.



nurseangela
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13 Jan 2016, 5:42 pm

LaetiBlabla wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Howdy. Off the top of my head - eye contact, empathy, trust, sharing personal things about yourself, general interest in the other person, common interests, acceptance of the other person, caring, listening, sharing experiences together and other things probably that don't come to mind right now. Nothing about it is logical - it's all feelings.


I do those things but not as a result of feelings. I do it as a conscious logical activity following a social integration purpose. Maybe it sounds mean to you. But it is quite opposite. For me this "activity" is like if you would constantly make efforts to help your enemies: it is difficult, tiring and you know you will not get anything back.


It doesn't sound "mean" to me, it sounds like the way an Aspie would do it. I've read threads about Aspies wanting instructions on how to do certain "feeling" things that NT's just do naturally. That's why I said there's not really anything logical about how to do it - it's done with feelings. I don't think about if a person is my best friend or just a friend - I feel it.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Idealist
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13 Jan 2016, 5:44 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
I'm not talking about close friends either. You can still have a connection with certain people by having a few of the things I listed above without "loving" them. An example would be some of my co-workers I can connect well with or some at church or in the knitting group I was in or some Aspies I communicated with on AC, but they just don't have that special "click" to even put them into "close friend status". For me, people are on levels. There are strangers, acquaintances, friends, close friends, best friends, family and Hunny (pretty much in that order). Love for me goes to best friends, family and Hunny stages and possibly close friends. It's complicated. I think it has to do with how much trust you put in someone and that makes you a more open person to then be able to love that person.


Love has many forms.

Are you familiar with Colossians 3:14?


Evidently, not familiar enough. Explanation?


Sorry, I got distracted by a "How It's Made Video" about artificial grass... :|

Colossians 3:14
I don't quite remember the exact wording of it, but it talks about the many individual parts that are all within love, and that it is love that links us together, bonding us in unity.


_________________
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, but the last step on the path to salvation.

Idealist wrote:
My Autism was cured/treated in late childhood (this makes me a walking, talking, contradiction to 90% of the Forum who all believe Autism is incurable)


Last edited by Idealist on 13 Jan 2016, 6:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.