so much bombarded with philosophical an existential qustions

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Please do not think that I'm having a crisis. This is my life Always. I'm just venting and ranting right now.
I'm bombarded with philosophical and existential questions so often (every day? every minute? I don't know) that I sometimes have the feeling that I'm a hard time feeling like a human being any more. In fact I have the feeling that I'm going bonkers or schizophrenic.
I mean it's OK to question things, trying to make sense out of life and the universe and being, BUT THIS MUCH? THIS MANY YEARS? I'm trying to make sense out of my life, myself, my personality etc since years. and apparently I'm not getting anywhere. There is no end to it. Some people try to tell me I'll get somewhere by trying, digging deeper, not digging deeper, accepting, forgiving. listening to them. trying their recipes. therapists. doctors. they say try harder. non of this is working. I'm just questioning everything and doubting everything. EVERY F-ING THING. most prominantly my SANITY.
I think about my issues, problems, etc. I come to wonderful conclusions. I solve my problems. make plans. good plans. All fine. then after 2 hours, or 2 days, I completely forget what I was up to. even if I write the stuff down, I FORGET ABOUT THE NOTEBOOK i wrote them in. I forget that I own that notebook. and I find the notebook 2 years later and wonder who the hell has written those stuff.
Then maybe 2 months later, I come to the very same conclusions, plans, etc. I feel like I'm on the top of the world! I SOLVED MY GOD DAMN PROBLEMS FOR THE "FIRST TIMÈ" HALLELUJAH!. I write them down. to put the second notebook somewhere around the first one, to find it some months later. and wonder about who the hell wrote them. and of course, being completely unaware of the background of the thoughts I have written in my notebooks, the thoughts in there don't seem like real solutions when I read them. because I can't remember my motivations and all that.
Then I go to docs, put on a happy smart personality, tell them whatever, of course, I forget to tell them the important stuff, like for example the fact that I forget everything, maybe I tell them a set of standard stuff I tell every doc, for the sake of easiness because it's too hard for me to tell the real problem, physically (shyness, sensory issues, excitement), and of course they don't know what to do to me.
I don't know WTF I'm doing, and more importantly, I totally don't know how I'm able to make the impression that I'm sane while I'm living in a delirium. why does nobody notice? I mean I'm not that good at faking it. I'm not that smart. But everyone thinks I have it together.
Please do not think that I'm having a crisis. This is my life Always. I'm just venting and ranting right now.