I am currently an 18-year-old girl (soon to be 19) in my first year of university. Having been here since September, I would have thought I would have a group of friends by now like I did in high school, but that has not been the case. I have come to realize that this is the first time since kindergarten that I have had to make friends completely on my own, and back them there was a lot of teacher support for children as they are typically still developing social skills, so it is not quite the same this time. In previous school years, I would either stick with friends I made early on, or expand my friend group through other friends. For example, when I started high school, I remained close with my elementary/middle school friends, and these friends would introduce me to any new friends they made. I would eventually be able to befriend this people. However, I only have one high school friend attending this university with me, and this friend is not in my dorm (where most people tend to make friends), so I have not had the support of old friends to make new ones.
The first two weeks of school appeared to be the time where most people made friends, but during this time I was mostly hiding away in my room, though I did make some effort to talk to others. By the time I really decided to put myself out there, everyone had their cliques and I was a little bit intimidated. I do like how here is different from high school in the sense that there is no strong social hierarchy. For example, I have been approached by people who undoubtedly were "popular kids" in high school. However, I still feel a bit inferior to this day. The only moments I have really put myself out there were when I was heavily under the influence of alcohol (not something I would like to rely on). I also informed people of my aspergers in those moments, so many people on my floor are aware of my disability. I do try to make an effort to go into the common room of my dorm to interact with people, but I always fear that I am not wanted or that I am simply bothering everyone. For this reason, unless someone explicitly shows interest in me being there, I leave, or I'll study in the common room so I have some other excuse to be there and make my presence known. Everyone else here is friends with each other and can send out a text or knock on someone's door whenever they want to hang out, grab a meal together, etc. I, however, have never received an invite to hang out and therefore feel unwanted. Realistically, my main problem is that these people do not yet have any reason to ask to hang out as I have not been able to show much of myself to them due to my fear of rejection, but I am afraid to put myself out there more to get to the point where I would be invited. I do not even know how to put myself out there. I do not want to be weird and suddenly begin knocking on people's doors when I am not friends with them, and even if I did I would not know what to say.
This has all had an impact on academics, as well. I have not been spending enough time studying because I am so preoccupied with lounging around knowing a group of people could walk by my room at any point, and if they were already hanging out and I casually walked out of my room at that moment it would give me an excuse to talk to them and possibly join them. When I do not do this, I start worrying that I am never going to make friends, which further distracts me from my studies. My poor grades only add to my anxiety, which only make social situations more difficult. If anyone has advice or would simply like to share their experience regarding difficulty making friends, feel free to post here.
08 Feb 2016, 3:24 pm
