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Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 19 Jan 2016
Age: 25
Posts: 6
Location: France

10 Feb 2016, 8:02 am

I want to start socializing again, but I don't know how to start, it's been so long. The last time I had friends, I was 11 and now I'm 20 (when I was 11, I realized that people thought I was weird and might be judging me harshly, which instantly made me a hermit). I don't drink alcohol and don't like being around drunk people, they make me very anxious. I find it really hard to talk to a group because I never know when it's my turn to speak, and also by the time I've decided how to word what I'm going to say, the conversation has moved on. It seems that most people my age hang out in groups, not one-on-one. I had many opportunities to socialize last month because I am on an exchange and there were loads of social activities for exchange students to meet each other, but I didn't go because I was too anxious, and now I'm that weirdo that nobody knows...AGAIN. My fault, I know. One day I even went, stood outside the door, but couldn't bring myself to go in. I don't play any sports and I'm not religious. Do you have any tips on gradually being more social?

Sorry, I think this should have been posted in Social Skills and Making Friends, but I'm not sure how to move it. :?


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Joined: 7 Apr 2015
Posts: 2,666

10 Feb 2016, 9:22 am

Usually the go-to advice is snag on one of your interests, find a group that facilitates that interest, and at least you and your companions will have something in common to talk about. Maybe a study group, if you're an exchange student? Being enthusiastic about something that interests you may also help you loosen up and ease your anxiety if you're enjoying yourself.
I find this much easier, as the emphasis is not on 'socialising,' that is just a byproduct. You're focused on the subject matter, but you can segue sideways into someone else's orbit that way. Tonight at an interest group, I managed to be 'social' with a girl sitting next to me I'd never met in my life, as I waited until no one else was talking to her at all and suddenly said "aren't you hot in here with those socks on?"
She looked surprised for a moment then started to tell me about how she skateboards, and they were for her skating shoes. You never know.

Alexithymia - 147 points.