List your self-esteem-crushing Social Disasters

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Do you have a List of things that have happened in your life that show that people DO NOT care?

For example, you think someone wants to be your friend and turns out they don't?

I have a list, too numerous to mention, although can come up with some of the more colorful "incidents" that happened over the last 10 years:


1: A women I thought wanted to be friends told me we were going out to eat. When I reached the destination, she was with 2 others. Turned out, she was only trying to recruit me for a Multilevel Marketing (MLM) scheme, which I politely declined. I never saw her again.

2. Man I thought wanted to be friends - It turned out he wanted to just stay at my apartment for free (he got kicked out of his last place) and admitted it was b/c he actually had a gf who wasn't letting him stay at her place

3. Got asked out - After the "date", I viewed the local sex offender registry and his face was there

4. Guy I'd chatted with for over a month, seemed a promising connection but at the meeting date got stood up, no call, no explanation (OK, I realize this happens to virtually everyone.....But this is just one example of what happens almost all of the time.....people TOTALLY flake out, always (at least, the few that aren't scared off by me in the beginning)

5. Woman wanted friendship - When she showed up, she asked for $10 in gas money, even though she lives only about a mile and a half away

6. Have been approached on at least 2 separate occasions by people who get their kicks (it seems) by telling outrageous stories that no one would believe (presumably, to get a rise out of a gullible-appearing person? i dunno), I don't understand the motives at all....

Some "friends" promised to meet me at a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday (which means it's legal to drink in the US). Nobody showed up, and they all said something came up when I asked them the next day.

Facebook. Could not for the life of me figure out how to post appropriately there. Made a complete idiot of myself, in front of every person who's ever known me in real life.

I've found the 'daily blog' style of social media to be difficult, when you live by routines, and every day is the same. And I've known all my life that nobody wants to hear about my special interests. So I thought I'd just be honest, and talk about what my life is really like, and issues I'm dealing with these days... Um, no. Stupidest idea ever.

Too many to mention; they are all clumped together under one impression.

At times, it becomes a daily thing. Other times, I'm okay for a week.

Oh yes. Facebook, or would I say social media will be the downfall of us all.

I have embarrassed myself on Facebook. I wrote about something that genuinely bothered me that day.

It was about a news article I saw, about a man who was trapped in a lift for a week and consequently died from thirst, exhaustion and stravation. I obviously went on a rant about how the simple negligence of those in charge could cause any of us to suffer and die in filth and squalor. This post was interpreted as pretentious drivel by many and subsequently led to many spoof/parody posts on my time line. Initially, I thought I had sparked a huge discussion on current social issues, many wrote about the mistreatment of immigrants and the issue of racism etc.. And I was happy, until I was informed that those posts were actually ridiculing my writing style and tone.

I have not written a Facebook post ever since.

Oh another major blunder - Not understanding the whole concept of inviting someone over but not actually meaning it. That might not make sense, but let me explain: Basically, you're sat alone. You look lonely and people invite you over to their table to sit with them, the thing is they don't actually want you there. They've only invited you to be "nice" but if you do get up and join them, they will ignore your presence. It was humiliating when I finally figured it out.

Not knowing when to shut up, or being inappropriate without realising. I have a special interest in forensic science and all things death and gory - if you get me started, I won't stop talking about death.

I was (am?) a "public figure." You can only imagine my disasters based on the presumptions of others. Legend, myths and rumors about me abound in some high-level discussions. Equal parts expectations by others and autistic misunderstandings or failed attempts to defend myself. Quite humiliating. But, I don't care (too much).

This social disaster is more about long term effects then self esteem. My best era for having friends and bieng social was the last two years of college. In my pattern mind graduation meant that, that portion of my life was over and the next phase was beginning. So I did not keep in contact with anybody. I did not have a clue you are supposed to keep contact so you have a network of people to help you out when times get bad. Fast forward 30 years my career is in gone and I am attending a class for old job seekers. First thing they said was use your extensive netework you have built up over the years. I had no network to speak of.

Too many to list but a number of kids used to pretend to be my friend so they could find my 'weaknesses' and use them against me. I also organized a big BBQ a couple of years and invited 8 people: only one showed up and I never saw or heard from him again. That's not even the fact I went on numerous dates with women (and wasted time and money) because they were too 'polite' to say no.

I've pretty much have accepted that other than my Fiancee, my parents, my parents-in-law and my brother/sister in law, nobody gives a s*** about me. There was a reason I spent my childhood alone: I realized the futility of social interaction.

When I lived in L.A. I gave internet dating a try. I was supposed to meet this guy at GMC Hollywood; we were going to see 'Titanic'.

I waited and waited and waited. He never came. I just thought, "F*ck it. Since I'm here I may as well go and see this stupid movie." So I did. The movie was over-dramatic claptrap like I'd thought, but the special effects were right on the money.

I've been stood up so many times!

I have had a 15-minute rule for many years, even with family and friends (and dates, when I was actually pursuing them). If the other person seems so intent on joining me somewhere, they would obviously understand the distance and duration involved to arrive on time. If, after 15 minutes, they haven't arrived, I leave with at least the good excuse about why I had left. If the person(s) who had agreed to meet me had a delay, stalled motor vehicle, or worse (traffic accident), they wouldn't have arrived soon after my 15-minute rule expired. So, it seems to work for me.

By the time you get to my age, keeping a list would be besides the point - I wouldn't have room in my mind to store it all!

The ones that really stand out for me are the times when I have been romantically interested in someone. When I was a much younger man, I could very easily have been accused of stalking and harassment - albeit in completely innocence, as I had no idea that I was behaving inappropriately, and I always stopped short before the point of law-breaking or lasting trauma for the women involved (I have remained friends with a couple of them, in fact).

When friends then tell you afterwards that the trick to romance is "just to be yourself", it unfortunately comes across as adding insult to injury - who the hell else did they think I was being? I was just being useless old me, with no chance of finding romance because I can't read the secret language of love - or so it felt for many years after each episode.