Problem Giving a Gift - Explain Please?

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Ok, can someone explain why I have a problem giving gifts? Not necessarily from the point that I may or may not be ASD, but more along the lines of what the core emotions might be, what the issues might be in why I struggle with this.

Im going to underline all the potential issues.

I bought a small gift for an opposite sex friend of mine. I then didn't know if she would take it the right way or whether it looked like I would be hitting on her, so I bought the same gift for several other people. Then I was worried I might be leaving people out from this gift giving spree but realised I didn't have the funds to pay for everyone, so left it at six. But of course, those six people are significant. Now Im thinking maybe I could have stretched to seven or eight? So I do feel a little worried I haven't got gifts for the others, what will that look like? But at the end of the day, I can't do it all.

Then I got worried, that the gravitas of the meaning of the original gift for the first person would have been lost, the impact diluted with six of them!

I gave the first person their gift. Fine. No problem.

The second person I've been waiting some time to see, she was talking to someone else. This to me is a huge problem because there's no opportunity for me to go up and talk.

If someone comes up to me, Im find, I can be bold, assertive. The other way round, unless someone is being, inviting in some fashion, I won't go up.

I've had this gift for two weeks! Everytime Im disappointed in myself I couldn't just go up and interrupt and say here you go!

I can imagine myself going up and interrupting, joining a conversation, just handing a gift over. In my head, it's not difficult, it's easy. In real life. Well. Im just not sure. I don't even know if worry is the right word. I don't think I fear. I don't think Im anxious from it. Just frustrated and angry with myself. Sometimes I get angry at others. To me, it just looks like everyone is closed off. Yet the amount of people who interrupt me in the middle of a conversation with someone and I just retreat into the background. Even with that, i think there's two ways I want to handle it, back off, or assert myself, take control.

I've had problems giving gifts before. I've even got a problem giving Christmas and Birthday cards. The receiver needs to be ideally by themselves, or at least in a state of welcome and approach where I can at least take them aside and give them their present. That even happened to some good friends. Wouldn't give them their gift in public, wanted to find a nice safe space outside away from others. Why? What's the problem? Who's going to laugh? Who's going to be offended?

Any thoughts?

I don't like giving or receiving gifts unless in private. I think I'm embarrassed of the potential reaction of the other person, and self-conscious of what my own reaction might be upon receiving one. It's a lot of pressure to act a certain way.

I've been trying to work it out over the past couple of hours. It's not a fear Im going to be rejected or Im going to be ridiculed. The people around me aren't like that. If I thought they were going to reject or ridicule me, then what a low opinion I have of them!

I can't really describe it as a fear. Or an anxiety either. What is it Im fearing?

Maybe Im fearful of my reaction and getting embarrassed and feeling guilty. I struggle with embarrassment and guilt. They're two very strong very controlling emotions.

I keep hearing about rules, and boundaries. This does sort of click with me. I think it may just be fear of uncertainty. Im not scared anything bad's going to happen, Im just scared because I don't know what will happen. I don't know if what Im doing is right. I sort of want a certain outcome and don't know how to get there.

Well, when one doesn't understand social interactions and rules very well, it makes sense that the person would have anxiety when in uncertain situations.

If you don't know if what you are doing is right, you're going to worry about it. I think that's normal. I really don't think that you need to obsess over it so much. You are over thinking it. A gift is a gift. If you make a mistake, it's not going to be the end of the world. Even so-called "normal" people make social mistakes.

I'm not sure if I'd feel comfortable giving gifts either. I don't have friends, so I have no need to worry.

When I was young , I had the same thinking of feeling I should give my classmates that I like or important to me. I categorize into 2 parts, those that I think are my best friends & follow by good friends. And publicly told the teacher I am going to give them treats for my birthday. The best friend category I gave a bigger one and latter a smaller gift.

To think of that I totally ignore people who didn't receive gifts who may think that they are good friend with me.

That trait followed up to adulthood where I give personal gifts to important appointment and convienently left out some.

Now that I have think of that , I didn't really care about others feeling. It's a gesture from the heart but without thinking.

I am not sure but from your scenario which I didn't understand what's the function and purpose of the gift to the six people u prefer. it's better to hand them on a one to one scenario. by interrupting the conversation and hand over the gift is awkward because the other conversator and the receiver feel startled to react for your gift.


I have worries and anxiety on gifts too , because of the opening conversation and the reaction part. I can't react very well and try to act out that I am happy or amused or offended in a funny way. To be basic I just compliment how thoughtful your gift is .. Boring