How to tell my friend he's an aspie?

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So I am a mild aspie, but more ADHD, and have a friend that clearly has Aspergers. He is rigid, talks in a way that seems "off" for a 14-year-old from time to time, imitates TV/movie characters (sometimes), sometimes has eye contact issues, and is INSANELY socially awkward. What I mean is asking a girl about Urban Dictionary definitions, repeatedly telling "your face" jokes at everything, obviously making up dreams that he thinks would be funny, asking out a girl 3 times even though it's seemingly obvious that she doesn't like him back yet (and getting a meltdown every time) and saying weird things like "I think I'm losing my sanity" all the time. He also gets meltdowns a lot. He doesn't get directly bullied of very often, but he has a reputation for doing things like that and people misunderstand him. People do talk about him behind his back and not always be nice to him directly in these situations, and there's not all that much I can do to defend him when he just wrote a song about heroin (he doesn't do drugs he just was imitating the band Korn) and asked someone if they liked it, or say "you look like a block of cheese" repeatedly. He is trying too hard to be cool, and while I was never as bad as he is, I used to be even more unpopular than I am now and did stuff almost as bad. Because of this I can empathize with him, and feel really bad for him, and I think I want to tell him some time or another that he has Aspergers and not just ADHD, even though he is very sensitive. He does idolize me and looks up to me, and it's hard to tell him that that's unhealthy if he wants to be more of a leader himself. It's also hard to tell someone that they're too confident dating advise-wise (he isn't afraid to make a sex joke in front of a girl he likes). I feel even worse for him because he is EXTREMELY extroverted, and is very social, he just doesn't know how to be. How do I help him?

I wouldn't tell him that he has Asperger's--because he might not have Asperger's

If you're in the US, there's technically no such thing as Asperger's any longer; it's been taken out of the diagnostic manual (DSM-V).

If he doesn't believe he has Asperger's, he will resent you for telling him that he might have it,

What I would do: continue being a friend, point out when he is awkward, try to teach him social skills, tell him why certain things are "weird" to "normal" people. Convey your experiences.

Tell him all this without saying he has Asperger's. I don't think it would serve any purpose for you to tell him he has Asperger's.

Don't do it, he might get offended. What if he actually is autistic but isn't comfortable telling other people? Some people are insecure about their disability, I know I am. I mean especially at 14 years old, by the way that's sh***y ass age to be.

You're in the early puberty stages, experiencing moods and urges you've never had, a lot of people at that age are f*****g a**holes which is why you get bullied. And you're usually very insecure at that age and have a strong need to fit in.

I HATED 14, probably the worst age of my life. At least so far.

He doesnt need a diagnoses to get help.

Just tell him when he does something a bit awkward. I even need to help out my friend sometimes, he has PDD-NOS and i tell him when he needs to be arms distance and some other stuff but overall were pretty much on the same level so we kinda help each other.

^^To my opinion, this is the way you treat a little child, not someone that you respect.
If he has Asperger, he is certainly well able to understand it and he will thank you for your honesty.
The person who told me i had Asperger, is the person i most respect because, it is the first person who was honest with me.

I would say, "This behaviour (...) you often have now and others, are quite unusual, that makes me think that you could have Asperger. If i were you i would test it. Also can be that i am wrong." (what is true, you may be wrong)
Also, do NOT try to say it with allusions : Aspergers do not understand them, say it directly like this.

Laetiblabla, the friend in question is 14. He's not an adult.

Anyways I agree with kraftiekortie's comment that you really don't know if this friend has Aspergers/autism, or something else. If it was that easy to diagnose, why are we all complaining about how hard it is to get a diagnosis? If it was that easy to diagnose, why do you need 4 years of college and 6 to 8 years of professional education before you can diagnose it?

Ten points for kraftiekortie and "Senior Wisdom."

10-11 year-old the latest, to my opinion is high time to know if you are Asperger, a time you can understand it.

It is also no use to try "teaching" NT rules to an Asperger, without saying he has Asperger.
(from my experience)
I explain:

If you do not tell an Asperger he is Asperger:
He will always think "this is not a logical rule" (according to his way of thinking).
If it is not logical to me, it should not be logical to most of people (assuming everybody thinks like him).
So i get rid of that rule which makes no sense.
(“teaching” by suggestion and hidden influences will also not work)

If you tell an Asperger, he is Asperger:
He will also think: "this is not a logical rule", according to MY way of thinking.
It is not logical to me, BUT it is the way most of people function, they do not think like me.
So let's follow this rule which makes no sense for me but is important for being accepted by others.

This makes a great difference in understanding, no frustration and integration.

I think telling another person they have this or that psychiatric diagnosis, without knowing what supports they have in place, is irresponsible. Not to mention, as we have already said, it's unlikely the OP is qualified to give a diagnosis.

Law of Unintended Consequences...

Ah, so silence is cautious?

How do you think this guy will feel the day he realizes that everybody was silently, cautiously, not telling him that his behaviour is extremely awkward?

Also, he is apparently spending a lot of energy to socialize, he says, he feels he is getting crazy.

The next step could be suicide attempt.

But silence is cautious?

Who is cautiously protecting this silence you or him?

It is not about making a diagnoses, it is about telling him to search for it, maybe in this or that direction.

You can tell him his behavior is awkward without mentioning AS. It really might not be AS anyways. I have a couple friends with ADHD who are socially awkward. Phrase it as being an ADHD thing if you must link it to a disorder. Or some people are just socially awkward without an underlying condition.

No high schooler wants to be told they have a developmental disability by another high schooler. That's the age of wanting to fit in, not "Gimme a label so everyone else can know I'm different/disabled!"

As it happens, I did find out when I was 14 because that's when I was diagnosed. I was told by the doctor who dx'd me and also was my cognitive behavior therapist for the next 4ish years. I do not believe I would have taken it well if a kid at school, even a friend, just told me I was autistic.

I want to tell him because without the label, he has no idea why he's like this or why people seem to be always rejecting him (not saying that it's right of those people, but he should at least know why). Without a label for it, he'll just come to see himself as weird. For example, on the soccer field, he thought he was getting teased for something. I don't know, other people (who are nice to him) said that he never got teased, but it wouldn't surprise me if he did. Anyway, he got upset and got a meltdown (I heard later that he sat in the hallway and cried, I didn't know at the time). To 99% of everyone (even nice people), this looked like he is a really big crybaby. I know that that is a meltdown, so I didn't just tell him to get over it. But he tries to act "masculine", and I see these as a blow to his self-esteem. If he knew that he's not just a crybaby, and he has a reason for it, he might not feel as bad about it.

And please. He has Aspergers. I don't need to be a psychologist to know that if you are that awkward, rigid, have eye contact issues, not understand subtle hints, not get what's "normal", and get meltdowns, then you probably have Aspergers.

I don't know why you come here asking for advice, but then reject it from people who have a lot more experience than you.

He feels compassion for his friend and wants to help him because he sees that he needs it. This is courageous. Congratulations.

He wants advices on HOW to say it. It is a proof of intelligence to ask for advices and also a proof of intelligence to sort them out and choose which you think is best.

Thank you for commenting, Laetiblabla, but I was really addressing that to the OP; and it is presumptuous to answer for someone else, with respect to their motives.

Sorry for interfering in the conversation (i thought this was a forum).

You're obviously fond of your friend, so I think your motivation for telling him he has Asperger's is sincere. But before you come straight out with it, it might be a good idea to build up to the subject in a gentle way.

You could ask him if he's seen various films or TV series in which there are Aspie characters, - the recent film 'X plus Y' (US title 'A beautiful young mind') springs to mind, or the series 'The Big Bang Theory' - or mention books such as 'The curious incident of the dog in the nighttime'. These titles are only suggestions, there are quite a lot to choose from, and you know him better than we do. If he's seen/read them, ask his opinion; if he hasn't, suggest that he does, say that he'd enjoy them. Hopefully this should raise the subject of autism, and over a period of time you can get round to telling him. Who knows, he might have already worked it out himself but doesn't know how to broach the subject.