The ever recurring question: Meltdown?

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I´ve been wondering about meltdowns - what it feels like and if I ever had one.
Today I have been very tense - it has been building up over some days. At some point, I had pains all over, a clump in my throat and couldn´t bear to be in my own body because of tension and unease. At last I felt itchy all over and like something was crawling under my skin. I wanted out of my body, felt hysterical, on the verge of crying and smashing something, but my self control is too strong. At last I seized a bottle of wine, I´d stashed away for a pleasant night. That helped. I simmered down.

This wasn´t the first time. I´ve had these impossible hours/days since my teens.

Would that be a sort of meltdown?

If not a full blown one it is getting close to one and a sign to take a break and if one can get some privacy do as the song says let it go.

I know how you feel. I haven't had a full meltdown since childhood, but I often go into robot mode where my speech becomes stilted and fake polite ... If it's really bad I stammer. Also, if I'm feeling attacked I go silent. It drives my mother crazy, but I can't help it. If I were to yell, they'd roll on the floor laughing.

I´m all by myself - alonio, so need of privacy wasn´t the problem.
I knocked over things, had large movements and used full force no matter, what I did. Latent violence, I thought.

I think I have shutdowns rather than meltdowns. I essentially go very uncommunicative.

The one meltdown I recall came after a brief holiday (four nights) with pre-marriage Mrs Hopper when I was 19. We travelled by coach. When we alighted at the station on our way back, I realised I didn't have my wallet. I ran back on the coach, but couldn't find it anywhere. I became more and more agitated, pacing about and talking angrily to myself like the cliche weirdo, Mrs Hopper trying to calm me and concerned about me causing a scene, and it came to me crouching against a wall in the station speaking low but with force and anger in response to her telling me to calm down, thumping myself in the head and rocking backwards and forwards with some force. I think it maybe lasted ten minutes or so, and I went from that into a shutdown for the rest of the afternoon.

I'll sometimes get close to a mini version of that if I'm on my own. Kind of... grumbling to myself (somewhere between growling and mumbling), pacing a lot and breathing heavily through my nose. But I generally keep it 'tight', and shutdown instead.

Meltdowns are very dramatic. I have to be restrained during a meltdown because I will start harming myself and or breaking things. I am very vocal during a meltdown.

It feels more like a shut down mostly in social situation , Makes me feel uncomfortable and if my theory of mind fails or nervous. I go into defensive mode and I reply with short sentence or zone out. Sometime I don't know what to say or reply, I think too much before I say or unable to think what to say.

I go into robotic and polite mode to save such situation which makes me like a serious person.

Haven't had a major one in years, thanks to developing some mindfulness. When I was about 7 yo, I had a melt down & stole an entire block of cheese from the fridge. Which I ate under my covers then, basically, locked myself in my room for a couple days.. When I was in early university I remember thinking my meltdowns where almost annually.

However, I've noticed that if you pay attention to yourself, i.e. basic body language & neuro-linguistic, you can catch yourself and usually catch it before it can damage your reputation.

Finally, other recommendation would be Meditation. 'Work-out' your range of brainwaves.

*Also, I've been asked if I am a robot.