May have to pull back a bit on WP

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Folks, it's been great. I am not leaving. But, I do need to back off because I'm heading into a crisis.

Wife left me Sunday, just as rent is due. Wife had to jump on things real hard by then picking fights and saying things like "Lazy', 'not a real man', 'A real man would have a job.' I think you get the idea. What really pisses me off is that she sees me here typing and has been interrogating me about 'who I'm talking to' while I am here. Meanwhile she was out hunting for a surgar daddy. Sent a text message to let her know whe had to call me because of the insurance. Just couldn't miss the opportunity to let me know she was at "the gym and swimming pool." How f*****g cruel is that? And this is the woman I was singing praises about. How f*****g stupid is taht? See the symmetry there?

Health insurance was cancelled yesterday because of the truly messed up system. Took two hours just to get that back by way of suffering through menus galore and getting lost in them just in a desperate attempt to talk to a human being.

Emergency services are doing their job, but it just takes so goddamned long to get things done. So, now gotta deal with the landlords. That is a freaking nightmare. I don't want to deal with anybody. And, because you have to have one month's paystubs, I can't even finishe filling things out until after I get paid on Friday.

Right now, let us say that the overloads have now moved into my own home.

No friends to talk to. Here is a bit too public for details. Just kinda spinning around.

Life sucks...pissed off...nobody here though....just in reality.

Like that has not been going through my head anyway, but now just pounded into me.

Not suicidal though. Just really, really, really pissed and not happy with humanity at this moment.

Sorry for the diatribe. But this is the only place I can go to.

At least you got your health insurance back. You did what you had to do there.

Wifey doesn't sound like she's too swift. I wonder if some of what she said was fueled by drink. Sounds like a drunk tirade to me.

I've had people tell me similar things while they are drunk, then forget they said them later.

I understand you're pissed. Things are sort of coming to a crescendo. I know that feeling!

I'm glad you, at least, had a place to vent. Imagine if this occurred before the Internet?

No, she's not a drinker and was not drunk. Just mean as hell.

It is good I have a place to vent. It did happen before the internet and it put me in the hospital twice.

Edit: And...duhhhh, thank you. I've always enjoyed your posts Kraftie.

I would cry if I cuold. I can tell you the last time I cried. Oct. 28, 1998. I broke down in front of the person admitting me to the hospital. Completely. They put me on a gurney, wheeled me into a room and I cried until I passed out from lack of sleep and exhaustion. Spent 4 days in bed. Then when eating time came, they would let me go get the tray and return to my room. That didnb't last long, but they did allow that. That's how broken I was.

This place has prevented this from happening so far. Evfen when bumping heads here, it's better than out there. Here, people kinda are a bit more fogiving.

I'm glad that you are taking care of things, even though it's really difficult. Just try to get through one day at a time, until things become more stable.

Health insurance is a pain in the ass to deal with all by itself. I'm surprised it didn't take you all day.

Take the time you need to get things in order. WP will probably still be here when you get back.

Vent as much as you need to. I don't mind.

No need to worry about the "diatribe" - if I had all that going on in my life, I'd want to vent too. And, of course, getting real life back on track has to be more important than your involvement here - perfectly understandable, given your current circumstances.

I really hope things take a turn for the better for you soon. I'm happy to lend a sympathetic ear if you need to get stuff off your chest, and I'm sure many others here are too.

I'm not going away. Just going to be jumping into things that aren't more than discussions. And, from people such as you and Kraftie, the support is too valuable.

I will tell you how I managed to not take all day:
1.) Called insurance provider. They passed me off to a state agency who passed me off to another.
2.) Landed at state for processing and took 60 minutes and getting lost in the menu system just to get to where I was waiting.
3.) got the "The call volume is heavier than usual', and would I 'like to leave a call back number...you will be contacted in 24 to 48 hours later'.
4.) said 'f**k dat noise' and put it on speaker phone instead.
5.) two minutes later a woman came on who walked me through everything and let me aske a bunch of questions and repeatd everything when I adked. Was quite nice.

So, how did I get through? I called as their system ws giving them problems. I just slipped in because I guess everybody else was going for the call back.
took the rest of the day to just start on the emergency ervices.

My stress levels are so high it's not funny. Just wanna get as messed up as piossbile. But, not going to happen.

See....recreational use is one thing. But, using to avoid a problem, not good and I will not go down that road. But, wow, could use a good bong hiot or 20 right now though......

I think that just these supportive respoinses are the best for me now. It's the closest I can have o a real conversation. AS I said, not going away....just not jumping into new threads at this ime.....

I'm stimming like a Motherf***er, my communications are going downhil. The filter is losing it's hold on me. Right now would be a good time to go sparring in a gym...if I wasnt afraiod of getting my ass kicked because I'm not so sure I could spar and pull the blows.

Stimming like you wouldn't believe. Legs are actually tired form pacing. a bit of shaking going on. Just not good. But, I have been worse. I don't want to get worse.

I'm sorry all that happened. Hope it all works out for you. ((Hugs)))

Maybe take a nap. That's what I do when it gets to be too much. I take a long hot shower, drink some tea, and just forget the world for awhile. As long as I have nothing else to do, and even sometimes if I do, I let it wait awhile so that I'm in a better state of mind.

Or I play a game or watch tv, too. Just to escape. Eating cookies works also

If you're not up to sparring with a partner, some kind of workout might do you good, anyway. Just a suggestion.

Glad we can be here for you ... but sorry you need us!

Good for you! I understand that temptation all too well, and have regretted giving in to it so many times - stay strong!

Sorry you're having such a rough time right now. Can I ask how long you've been married?

@ Trog....I am a recovering coke addict. Pot was never a problem. But, no matter what may have been the problem or not a problem, during times of stress, alternative substances are just not good. Proper medication would be good though.

@ Andro.....6.5 years. Known her for ten years. Or should I say that I thought I knew her....

This is right now.....


AAAUUUGGGHHHH!! !! !!

gonig to rest nwo. my communicationsare going to hell. feels like an internal meltdown. too uch coming in right nwo. too much to sort.too much tryingot getout. just too mcuh......thank you all...

just gonna get off the computert for a while......

Well, I can understand why you are distressed. Ten years is a huge amount of time to be with someone and then have them turn on you like that.
*super big hug*
When I find myself in situations I can't cope with I try to focus on one thing at a time. And I willfully force myself not to think of the big picture. Just the little things, one at a time.

I do not understand everything you are writing about like this:

and some other things, but it does not matter if I understand it or not
because clearly you are in high distress and I want to wish you all the best what is possible at the moment.