How to stop becoming mute?

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In certain situations, I become mute, like if a teacher gets cross with me and asks something like "do yo want to get a detention, yes or no?" I can't reply because:

1. I don't know if it's a rhetorical question
2. I get so stressed that I can't speak anyway

Another example is I was playing my guitar and my mom came in and asked if I would like to go shopping with her or play guitar whilst she went out. I also have slow processing so I have to think about it for a long time before deciding. She then told me to answer one or the other and I got panicked and just said "wait", and I started stimming because of the stress.

She then asked if I was okay, and I said "wait", again because I couldn't think of any other words. She then asked if I'd like to go shopping or not again and I went mute and couldn't speak. I'm sure it's caused by stress but I just don't know how to stop it from happening.

Help?

Dont worry, get the same and still do, under stress i will often go very quiet and if really stressed will sweat and if i try to speak i get tongue tied! I dont always know when these situations will arise but i know some areas where it almost certainly will.. and sorry, i dont have an answer for that one yet! as far as the questions go about detention, i would just say no, unless you need some peace then say yes! but if yes, expect the teacher to think your a bit cocky and expect a double detention from it! hehe.. yup rhetoric when i was younger was an issue, wasn't always sure if it was a well meant comment or a sarcastic one... its a learning curve im afraid and often does get better in time and when you do foul up there are ways to mask it, sometimes... Each person is different so can be hard to give an answer as my personality will be different from yours, so waht may work for me in such situations may not work for you.. but if i misunderstand something i will try to laugh it off and say oops, sorry had a brain fart, i get what you mean now... or something to that effect.

It's a vicious cycle.
You can't speak because of stress, then you stress so much about not speaking when you're stressed that you can't speak.
The best thing is to communicate to these people when you are not under pressure how being put on the spot affects you.

Explain that it is not possible for you to answer in these situations and try to come up with a strategy that works for you.
You could work out a pre-arranged sign to use.
Maybe you simply need to be left alone for a few minutes so you feel less pressure.
The "wait" verbal cue for example - you could pre-arrange for some time-out to think when you say that.
Or simply holding up your hand, if you can't speak.


I was selectively mute for many years because of anxiety about my speech.
Learning sign language was a work-around for me.
But I still go mute sometimes under pressure.
Sometimes it's impossible for me to answer a question.
I've come to accept that it is part of my disability.

I do that under pressure too, mainly because I can't think of the words for what I want to say. I can picture it, but no words form in my head. I think it's because I think in pictures and translate them to English, and the stress blocks my verbal processor. I can go mute for several minutes if I am extremely upset, especially during and after a meltdown or shutdown.

I've found it helpful to explain to people before i get that stressed that I may need more time to respond, or that certain situations are likely to send me into mute mode. The thing with your mom asking you to make a decision and you getting stressed about it is very familiar. My wife would sometimes list a bunch of things we could do, like what to do on our Saturday or where to eat out, and I'd get a bit freaked out about making a decision. Sometimes I'd just have to ask her to decide.

I haven't worked out a way to un-mute myself once it starts. It's best if I can avoid the issues that cause it in the first place. I concentrate on trying to calm down, breathe deeply, and try not to force it.

I know where you're coming from because I have a childhood cousin who also had these tendencies when surrounded by people.

Edited by B19 to remove repetitive spam