Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

Aspie mannerisms

Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

20 Mar 2016, 12:44 pm

Someone said to me last my aspergers is obvious because of my 'mannerisms' and the way I approach people.


What mannerisms could he mean maybe?



Last edited by Jamesy on 20 Mar 2016, 3:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Jensen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,022
Location: Denmark

20 Mar 2016, 1:44 pm

Hard to know. You could perhaps politely ask him for specification...


_________________
Femaline
Special Interest: Beethoven


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

20 Mar 2016, 3:18 pm

Jensen wrote:
Hard to know. You could perhaps politely ask him for specification...



I did ask him



Jensen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,022
Location: Denmark

20 Mar 2016, 3:54 pm

What did he say, then? He must have explained something.


_________________
Femaline
Special Interest: Beethoven


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

20 Mar 2016, 4:26 pm

Jensen wrote:
What did he say, then? He must have explained something.



He told me its "my mannerisms" and "the way I approach and interact with people". He did say as well "you need to try a little bit to fit into society"

The guy who said it has aspergers himself since he told me he was diagnosed with it as a child.



Jensen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,022
Location: Denmark

20 Mar 2016, 4:51 pm

It is hard to say, what he meant by that. Some aspies are a little too direct with others. I know, I was - and very stuck in my ways. Some are awkward and that is even harder to get over - like shyness.
Some aspies simply forget to say hello and goodbye - and that is an absolute killer between NT´s.

As I don´t know you, I couldn´t say anything, really - but if you feel uncertain about how to.... you might benefit from reading Marc Segar: "a survival kit for people with aspergers syndrome"
https://www-sers.cs.york.ac.uk/alistair/survival/
He goes through all kinds of social situations and how to behave/ aquire skills - no matter if you understand.
Good luck.


_________________
Femaline
Special Interest: Beethoven


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

20 Mar 2016, 5:34 pm

Jensen wrote:
It is hard to say, what he meant by that. Some aspies are a little too direct with others. I know, I was - and very stuck in my ways. Some are awkward and that is even harder to get over - like shyness.
Some aspies simply forget to say hello and goodbye - and that is an absolute killer between NT´s.

As I don´t know you, I couldn´t say anything, really - but if you feel uncertain about how to.... you might benefit from reading Marc Segar: "a survival kit for people with aspergers syndrome"
https://www-sers.cs.york.ac.uk/alistair/survival/
He goes through all kinds of social situations and how to behave/ aquire skills - no matter if you understand.
Good luck.





Yeah already read that loads of times.


I just think NT adults think about things way too much. They need to learn to be more tolerant.



GodzillaWoman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2014
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 743
Location: MD, USA

20 Mar 2016, 6:43 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Jensen wrote:
What did he say, then? He must have explained something.



He told me its "my mannerisms" and "the way I approach and interact with people". He did say as well "you need to try a little bit to fit into society"

The guy who said it has aspergers himself since he told me he was diagnosed with it as a child.

If he has Asperger's himself, why is he saying "you need to try a little bit to fit into society"? He must know how difficult it is for us. That is one of the most ANNOYING things that people have said to me (usually my mom), like I didn't WANT to fit in better. And the person saying it to me is always incredibly vague when pressed for details on what to change ("I don't know, just TRY")


_________________
Diagnosed Bipolar II in 2012, Autism spectrum disorder (moderate) & ADHD in 2015.


Jensen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,022
Location: Denmark

20 Mar 2016, 6:49 pm

NT´s seem to read hidden messages into things, wheras aspies tend to say things as they think them.

Woman: Do I look big in this dress? ASD husband: Yes dear. Wear something a little looser.
Woman expected: No, my dear. You look slim as ever.
ASD husband just wanted his wife to look good and feel the best.

Guest: This chocolate is a bit bitter. Host: Ooops! Thinks, that people usually like sweet chocolate best.
Host feels critisized for her falure, - while the guest actually likes bitter chocolate.

Aspies have to be aware of this difference and wrap things up a bit - sometimes.


_________________
Femaline
Special Interest: Beethoven


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

20 Mar 2016, 7:41 pm

GodzillaWoman wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Jensen wrote:
What did he say, then? He must have explained something.



He told me its "my mannerisms" and "the way I approach and interact with people". He did say as well "you need to try a little bit to fit into society"

The guy who said it has aspergers himself since he told me he was diagnosed with it as a child.

If he has Asperger's himself, why is he saying "you need to try a little bit to fit into society"? He must know how difficult it is for us. That is one of the most ANNOYING things that people have said to me (usually my mom), like I didn't WANT to fit in better. And the person saying it to me is always incredibly vague when pressed for details on what to change ("I don't know, just TRY")





My thoughts exactly. I get the impression some aspies are absolute hypocrites but maybe in his case he was speaking from his own experience that trying harder to 'fit in' has helped him to become more accepted in society.



GodzillaWoman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2014
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 743
Location: MD, USA

20 Mar 2016, 8:22 pm

Jamesy wrote:
My thoughts exactly. I get the impression some aspies are absolute hypocrites but maybe in his case he was speaking from his own experience that trying harder to 'fit in' has helped him to become more accepted in society.

It's hard for me to know without knowing more about the context of his comment--what behavior he thought needed modifying, and if he had suggestions on how to modify it. I can only GUESS that maybe he thought you didn't care whether or not you fit in, and were not making an effort to learn NT social rules? And he may be incorrect in this--I don't know you well enough to say whether or not you want to learn to fit in, or whether you consider this a worthy goal.


_________________
Diagnosed Bipolar II in 2012, Autism spectrum disorder (moderate) & ADHD in 2015.


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,529
Location: Near London United Kingdom

20 Mar 2016, 8:49 pm

GodzillaWoman wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
My thoughts exactly. I get the impression some aspies are absolute hypocrites but maybe in his case he was speaking from his own experience that trying harder to 'fit in' has helped him to become more accepted in society.

It's hard for me to know without knowing more about the context of his comment--what behavior he thought needed modifying, and if he had suggestions on how to modify it. I can only GUESS that maybe he thought you didn't care whether or not you fit in, and were not making an effort to learn NT social rules? And he may be incorrect in this--I don't know you well enough to say whether or not you want to learn to fit in, or whether you consider this a worthy goal.



Trying to fit all the time would be too much hard workfor me mentally. You go out to have fun and chill out so trying to make that conscious effort would defeat the purpose.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,800
Location: the island of defective toy santas

21 Mar 2016, 2:12 am

I wonder if this difference can fall into the category of "the uncanny valley" effect? in terms of answering people's queries regarding one's opinion on something offered to oneself, always err on the side of positive, and if some food item one is offered tastes bitter then say with a smile that it is a nice bitterness.