Does the flat affect scare NT"s

Post Reply New Topic

So I have an extreme flat affect, my face is relaxed and never moves. This has caused my some issues in my life.
- In highschool all the teachers notified the school physcologist about me. He brought me and said they were concerned that I always looked extremely angry. I couldn't find any teachers to write my recommondations for college because they thought I was always angry in their classes.
- I had an internship in high school and the woman was extremely uncomfortable with me. She followed me and said "Why can't I read you? We are hardwired to know what people are feeling! You are aloof" Then she would say "Why are you so quiet? I can't tell what your thinking!" She would do this multiple times a day.
- I had a friend who I made recently. He said when he first met I "scared the living s**t out of me" he said "you never smiled" he said "I thought you were evil"
- at least a dozen comments about how my eyes are "blank and empty and staring".
- People generally always avoid me/ talk about me behind my back about how I'm weird for "not doing anything".

Is the flat affect really this big of deal to NT's? Why do it disturb them so much?

I think it is a big deal to a lot of people. I usually have a blank expression on my face, especially when I'm tired because a lot of people act very serious and uncomfortable around me by avoiding me and giving me strange looks. Some of them are even hostile though I'm not sure if the hostility has to do with my facial expression or not.

I'm not exactly sure why someone would get that upset about not being able to read your facial expressions unless they wanted to manipulate you in some kind of way. I'm kind of afraid of people who are that desperate to figure other people out. Even with facial expressions they can't really know for sure what someone is thinking and they can only guess.

NT's like it when you smile now and then. Then again so do I and I'm not NT. Making the effort to smile a little (not too much) when talking to people can go a long way, I can recommend it.

That's quite an interesting question and a good observation. I don't have any answers but it's related to the old demand -- one that people here often complain about -- that "You need to smile more often!"

Part of it, perhaps, is that a lot of other people maintain their focus on *people* in their surroundings, whereas we are often focused on things and somewhat oblivious to people.

(Or it could just be a bunch of annoying extroverts who insisting that everyone around them be chipper all the time.)

I can understand the issues with this, even though my default expression tends to be a slight smile unless I'm very anxious or frustrated. I can certainly understand how someone can make mistakes and assumptions based on flat facial expressions.

The issue I have is people seem to think I'm perpetually happy. I mean it has its advantages in that I don't scare people, but it also means that people think I'm ok with things that actually put me in a lot of discomfort. I was once described as "always happy" by someone at school because of this... and given the amount I was picked on and how many people saw me as a freak and weirdo, that was obviously not true. The biggest downside though is when I'm not supposed to be happy. If someone is in distress or I'm in trouble and I'm just there with my default smile because I don't have a strong enough emotional response at the time to force a change of expression, it's natural people start to think bad things about me... "don't smile, it's not funny!" is something I've heard a lot.

Of course, most of the time when I'm in public nowadays, the anxiety is too strong to retain this neutral expression, so I become as readable as a book. But at home I always get told off by my parents for that darned smirk.

I think the fact is that neurotypical individuals are used to faces displaying emotions and don't really expect there to be any disjointedness between emotion and expression. It makes me wonder really what would happen if an NT was to spend a day with autism... would they find our world of communicative difficulty terrifying? Would it be like spending a day deaf or blind to them? Just how would a sudden inability to read faces affect them?

They are always asking why I am upset or angry when I am not.

The NT mind is always subconsciously looking for expression on another person's face, so a neutral expression can easily be interpreted as angry if they aren't familiar with you, or are already anxious. NT people also really rely on other peoples reactions to things to inform on whether or not they like your company, so if you seem bored around them, they can interpret it as being bored with them as a person.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirroring_(psychology)

The comments about aloofness make me think it's the usual talkative extrovert whining at someone for being an untalkative introvert. I live in a place where introversion is common, and back when I was in school, I'd get a lot of comments to that effect from only certain people. But it still seems a bit extreme. Does your relaxed face possibly look angry (to many people)?

Hmm. I wonder if flat affect is the verbal-communication equivalent of how ticked off fluent readers get when someone types in all caps. That is, someone who can read easily gets used to how words normally look, and trying to understand abnormal text that has an overly consistent appearance is not impossible but is an extra cognitive hassle. Meanwhile, for people who have to sound stuff out, it doesn't make much difference.

NTs gather most of their information about people by unconsciously reading their expressions, tone, body language, ect. It can be very unnerving for them to meet a person from whom they receive no information. They have no way of knowing whether you're friendly or a threat, and that makes them anxious and uncomfortable. Essentially, they're getting a brief taste of the autistic social experience from you; a lot of the reason so many autistics have co-morbid anxiety disorders is because of the social problems and discomfort around other people. We can't read them, so we never know who to trust. NTs feel the same way, but they show it more blatantly because not being able to read someone is such an unexpected and novel experience for them.

I can read some NT and autistic people (they have a clear body language and facial expressions). Sometimes they smile, sometimes they don't (then I cannot see what their mood is). I have learned a lot of facial expressions and their meanings, but I do not know all of them.

I myself often smile and make jokes with family members, friends and colleagues. An angry mood in my case is rare, although I do have some problems. Other people do notice that. I am often in a good mood (an angry mood for a long time scares people away), but it happens sometimes that I have a bad day. People know that this is often one day. The next day I am happy again.

I have a very flat affect & for the most part only experience sadness or depression, anger usually does not get expressed until way overloaded with multiple offenses. I experience anger internally but externally gets turned into depression as I'm afraid of what might happen if I let anger get the better of me. Happiness is something I rarely experience & laughter for me is almost painful. I got poked a lot when young to the point of crying & laughing brings back those painful memories.