Troublesome Housemate

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Two weeks ago I moved into semi-independent shared accommodation. After being a reclusive momma's boy for so many years, this was a major transition for me. Initially there was only one other person living in the property, and even though he has his own mental disorders, he is what I consider to be a friendly and considerate human being. However, on Friday afternoon a new occupant, who happens to have bipolar and schizophrenia, arrived in the home. Although I do not consider him to be threatening, he is extremely uncomfortable to be around and was released from a ward (presumably psychiatric?) on the same day as he moved into my new home. He appears to be a chain-smoker, and was obviously smoking in the house (against the house rules) on Thursday night as I found cigarette butts in the fireplace, sink and even on the communal area's floor. He doesn't clean up after himself at all. He borrowed money from me for more cigarettes on Friday morning, so naturally I am concerned that this will develop into a pattern. And worst of all, he managed to flood the house on Friday because he left the taps running in the bathtub for Lord knows how long for.

I am not sure what the correct course of action is.

Due to having poor communication skills and a lack of self-esteem, I don't think I can confront him about this issue.

Any suggestions would be most welcome.


PS My apologies for the poor grammar. English never has been a great strength of mine.

Is there a head household member with whom you can address these concerns? Or the person responsible for approving new tenants? Since he is breaking the house rules and already seems to be a liability (i.e., flooding the house), it would be in their best interest to reconsider his tenancy.

I would call whoever is in charge of the place first thing tomorrow morning and tell them what's up. It doesn't sound to me like he's ready for this kind of living situation yet. Maybe something with a little supervision to transition would be better.

Be careful about cigarettes. We all smoke here and are usually very careful. A couple weeks ago at a poker game somebody emptied am ash tray that had a hidden hot ash in it and in about 30 minutes the cabinet that had the garbage can in it was full of smoke and when we opened it it went all in the kitchen. We took out the bag and put water on it and opened Windows, but if he's not responsible enough to use an ashtray at least since he's not allowed to smoke indoors, he could easily flick and ash in the garbage can and that's all it takes.

Keep an eye out tonight and don't give him any more money and call whoever is in charge first thing tomorrow. I predict he will get less considerate as he gets used to you. After all,at first you are on your best behavior so what will his be when he really let's his hair down?

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

First thing, your English is fantastic. I assume you spent time on it because you were anxious and therefore took extra care but what you have written looks great to me. Most people on forums write very quickly and use bad grammar all the time. People don't bother looking at grammar much as long as they understand what is being said.

Second, you are right to be upset and you are right not to confront him. Two excellent decisions so you are clearly off to a good start. I would recommend that you only keep the money that you actually need in the house from now on. That way if he asks to borrow money you can honestly say that you only have what you need. If you feel threatened at any time give him money however. Your health is far more valuable than the money you will have.

From the way you described your original flatmate it sounds as if you recognise living with others is not ideal but you are able to get round the usual problem scenarios most flatmates face. However, you are feeling uncomfortable in your own house and that is not acceptable. You are right to look for sensible solutions to your problem. Another good decision. I agree with AuroraBorealisGazer that there should be someone for you to contact.

As it is semi-independent the people you talk to will be very used to dealing with these problems. They should understand exactly why you are stressing and they should do everything they can to help. Sometimes these situations can be challenging for everyone and they may not be able to offer your ideal solution but you should feel that there is an improvement. If this does not happen quickly come back here to ask for more ideas.

Thank you for the suggestions, guys.

I failed to mention, however, that I stayed at mother's house over the weekend. Once I had contacted one of the care organisation's team managers - who said someone from maintenance would be around in the next few days -emptied the bathtub and fetched some personal possessions, I left the squalid property in a great hurry.

Upon reflection, this may have been rather thoughtless and irresponsible of me because my housemate may well have been extremely vulnerable on Friday night. But that's an assumption as he wasn't there when I arrived home from volunteering.

I am hoping to speak to someone about the incidents today.

Do not confront him, no matter how good your communication skills would be, that's not a good idea.

Contact staff who is in charge, they might have misassesed him. If they do not take your concerns seriously, PM me, due to the job I'm doing I may be able to give you more specific advice.

He's been hospitalised...again. I'm not sure if I should be glad, concerned for his welfare or worried that he could return at anytime unannounced.

It is reasonable for you to worry about whether he is returning so you should talk to the team manager again. It is a fair question.