Stealing and my life .

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Recently , I had more stolen from me , a new pair of jeans that I had just bought from Ross Dress For Less , stolen from my cart at Target , just down the street .
The jeans were brand new , even had their stickers still on them , so they were " steal me ! !! steal me ! !! " obviously .
Ther'es even more to this story but not now .
After that , I bought needed clothes at Target ~ However , I bought size-13 sandals that , though I'm wearing them now , really are too samll for me , I've mentioned wearing Size 15 before ~ I just wanted to GET SOMETHING ! And get it done...
With the possibility of my death from the renal/failure , I'm looking back at my life some ~ Not only did I never accomplish " those things " , really , I never did (I won't go into it now but) " live independently , I rather depended on my parents (having been rendered homeless by them in 1985 or so) , then , especially post-my mother's death , I wasn't HL but had no job and received much money from my father...Could I have " built up "something if a couple things in my life had not happened ? Or , if I'd " buckled down and done something adventurous/feisty " (which would seem to mean joining the service , anyhow) .
Either way , could I have had a " nicer " being-taken-of , not being completely independent or completly confined , an Ion Channel TV movie situation like I imagine , anyway , many folks here having ?
If I die after shiity months in a sh***y shelter., s**t .

Sorry to hear that. I would be so pissed if somebody stole my things.

In my life I've accomplished next to nothing. I can't really live independently (yet), and I have little family support. I've missed out on most of the good things so far. It makes me angry that I never knew that I had autism until recently, because I could've figured out how to work around my problems if I'd only known the cause. Wasted time. A lot of wasted years.

I know that your life situation is really crappy, but I don't think you are alone in the way that you feel. Not all of us get support or have had much success in life. There's no way to know what might have been, but I understand why it upsets you to think about it. I wish that things could be better for you.

...Look , the medical people have SAID that I COULD BE DEAD IN LESS THAN ONE YEAR ~ Couldn't , please , someone help me a little ~ maybe get better , or , failing that , wrap things up micely ?

...I'll mkae this an old line rather than a new one ~
Briefly , yesterday , here , I was playing a 170s rock'n'roll track by the Rubinoos on the " What Are You Listening To ? " line , as , long ago , when I was going to college , I'd play it every morning to energize myself ~ Now , I arguably have nothing ahead of me m, and was sort of playing it to " look back/reverse " the past . Kind of " say goodbye " to that pleasure , even if , even if I do die , I live a while longer .
After my limited computer time was up , I saw the sunny day and wanted to go to the little mini-park here and lie down on the grass , to , as with playing the song , kind of experience something that was a pleasure of mine ~ Lying on the grass , feeling the sun ~ And I decided to extend that to reading a comic book on with the sun on me , which has been a pleasure of mine ~ If I'm going to die , I will have to say goodbye to it .
I don't have many comics now , but I had a few , and one I'd gotten I rather liked .
I lay down on some grass in the park - Frankly , near something that I could use to pull myself up when I eventuually got up , as I no longer can get up , really , from an on-the-ground position without either assistance or something to pull myself up ~ Frankly , since I was sort of alone , I wanted to cry over my losses , my status , I couldn't quite make myself really do it but I did it a little .
I fell asleep in the sun , as I wanted to do .
I had taken out a that comic book I liked , meant to re-read it , didn't but maybe briefly , it was by me ~ Then , when I woke up , it had been evidently stolen from besides me As had a Diet Coke bottle and soap I had .
Hello , death .
I would ~ if it's possible ~ like to get better , but , as I saw again to-day when walking up here to the library , it is so tiring/exausting for me to walk so much , if I could rest more consistently maybe I could get better , even if that's not in the cards maybe I could finish up my life in a nicer manner/maybe get a couple of things accomplished before the Grim Reaper comes if I could only get some real help .
For more stealing , remember my mentioning the jeans that were stolen from me at the Target ?
Actually , at that time , the whole shopping cart was stolen which also included the shoulder bag I carry my reading/drinks in , that was stolen then too with the jeans ~ However , in a good stroke of luck , after spending many minutes reporting the theft to the police over the phone at Target , as I had finished , and was about to walk away (having described the carrier bag as well) ~ a Target employee came walking up with the shopping cart , with the shoulder bag in it .
Since it was mine I got it back .
It was certainly only by a very narrow chance that the staff had found the discarded stolen , but not immediately " Steal me ! " valueable like fresh new Levis , shoulder bag , and came walking up while I was ~ just ~ still there .
This was good , but then contents got stolen from it upon a later day .
Oh , and above all the other lost glasses I've mentioned , I had still MORE gone yesterday ~ Furthermore , the substitute ones I bought , thinking that they would fit me (and that I am wearing now) ~ In fact , hurt my eyes .
Oh , i'm using them this time as makeshifts , but they'd certainly hurt my eyes long-tern , that's more but it like those swimtrunks I bought that didn't fit and now I'll have to piss away MORE money .
If I only had a place to rest and recover !