"loaded words"

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone have a list of "loaded words", or words that trigger emotional responses that I can study? I was reprimanded today for using the word "forgive" in an email, because the word makes people feel threatened. Thank you.

I think the people you're talking with are going nuts.

How can the word "forgive" be remotely threatening?

In what context did you use the word?

Loaded Words:

Boxcar
Cargo
Circuit
Dice
Firearm
Forklift
Luggage
Pizza
Proposition
Question
Software
Truck

Holy crap!! How can "forgive" be negative? Can you please show us a context?

"Forgive me" is different from "I will never forgive you."

But, even that, as my most extreme thing I can think of, is not threatening or offensive.....

?!?!?!?!?!

"Although you're an incompetent, lying sleazebag, I realize you can't help yourself, so I forgive you."

Jilad at Tenagra

But, really the example is flawed in that the offensive words come before and 'forgive' is the attempt to ameliorate.

The email was directed to several students who didn't show up for an extra practice session. I asked them to write an apology letter so that I could forgive them and we could move forward with our work.

I shared the letter with a few trusted friends, and the issue seems to be that forgiveness was presented as something transactional, something they needed to earn by doing a task (writing a letter). Maybe forgiveness shouldn't be transactional? I feel so lost and embarrassed.

I have no advice other than to say that I was brought up that forgiveness should be unconditional.

I wish I could help you because I know how you feel. Not this example applies to me, but how I think things are when others see it that way. That's what I wish I could help you with other than letting you know I understand.

That's quite an interesting situation to analyze. (I'm an INTJ, what can I say.) I somehow get an Asian cultural feel from the way your describe it -- may I ask if you happen to be Asian? If I were in a formal instructional setting like the one you seem to be describing, I might do the same thing although my wording might be a bit different. I might say, "Write a note of apology and then we will move forward." And when they did it I would say, "Well, I accept your apology, now let's continue."

But to your question, I would certainly agree that one does not need to grant forgiveness (I would say "accept an apology") unless an apology is sincerely offered. (Unless one happens to be God, who I hear offers unconditional forgiveness.)

To me, the tone seems somewhat condescending, but not threatening.

It is like telling a school child to write something 100 times so he/she could learn a lesson.

The email should merely have reminded them not to be late.

The reprimand probably means they'll keep being late whenever they want to and you'll have no choice but to suck it up.

Thank you for your feedback everyone! I learned a lot.

No, I'm not Asian, but the people I've confided in over the years have mostly been Asian or Russian.

Hahahahaha this gave me my first genuine laugh of the day.

"Boxcar."

"Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to violate your 'safe space'!"

That was good! I had my good moment of the day now Tank yew veddy, veddy much...eh? wot, wot?.....hurrumph!!

"No" and "but"... they are simple and avoiding them can make a difference in certain situations. There is always a different way to phrase things that doesn't sound so negative.