fluter wrote:
The email was directed to several students who didn't show up for an extra practice session. I asked them to write an apology letter so that I could forgive them and we could move forward with our work.
I shared the letter with a few trusted friends, and the issue seems to be that forgiveness was presented as something transactional, something they needed to earn by doing a task (writing a letter). Maybe forgiveness shouldn't be transactional? I feel so lost and embarrassed.
That's quite an interesting situation to analyze. (I'm an INTJ, what can I say.) I somehow get an Asian cultural feel from the way your describe it -- may I ask if you happen to be Asian? If I were in a formal instructional setting like the one you seem to be describing, I might do the same thing although my wording might be a bit different. I might say, "Write a note of apology and then we will move forward." And when they did it I would say, "Well, I accept your apology, now let's continue."
But to your question, I would certainly agree that one does not need to grant forgiveness (I would say "accept an apology") unless an apology is sincerely offered. (Unless one happens to be God, who I hear offers unconditional forgiveness.)
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