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fluter
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19 Apr 2016, 7:12 pm

Does anyone have a list of "loaded words", or words that trigger emotional responses that I can study? I was reprimanded today for using the word "forgive" in an email, because the word makes people feel threatened. Thank you.



kraftiekortie
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19 Apr 2016, 8:49 pm

I think the people you're talking with are going nuts.

How can the word "forgive" be remotely threatening?

In what context did you use the word?



Fnord
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19 Apr 2016, 9:59 pm

Loaded Words:

Boxcar
Cargo
Circuit
Dice
Firearm
Forklift
Luggage
Pizza
Proposition
Question
Software
Truck



zkydz
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19 Apr 2016, 11:22 pm

Holy crap!! How can "forgive" be negative? Can you please show us a context?

"Forgive me" is different from "I will never forgive you."

But, even that, as my most extreme thing I can think of, is not threatening or offensive.....

?!?!?!?!?!


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Darmok
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19 Apr 2016, 11:39 pm

zkydz wrote:
Holy crap!! How can "forgive" be negative? Can you please show us a context?

"Although you're an incompetent, lying sleazebag, I realize you can't help yourself, so I forgive you."

:mrgreen:


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zkydz
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19 Apr 2016, 11:48 pm

Darmok wrote:
zkydz wrote:
Holy crap!! How can "forgive" be negative? Can you please show us a context?

"Although you're an incompetent, lying sleazebag, I realize you can't help yourself, so I forgive you."

:mrgreen:

Jilad at Tenagra :)

But, really the example is flawed in that the offensive words come before and 'forgive' is the attempt to ameliorate.


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fluter
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19 Apr 2016, 11:50 pm

The email was directed to several students who didn't show up for an extra practice session. I asked them to write an apology letter so that I could forgive them and we could move forward with our work.

I shared the letter with a few trusted friends, and the issue seems to be that forgiveness was presented as something transactional, something they needed to earn by doing a task (writing a letter). Maybe forgiveness shouldn't be transactional? I feel so lost and embarrassed.



zkydz
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19 Apr 2016, 11:57 pm

I have no advice other than to say that I was brought up that forgiveness should be unconditional.

I wish I could help you because I know how you feel. Not this example applies to me, but how I think things are when others see it that way. That's what I wish I could help you with other than letting you know I understand.


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Darmok
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20 Apr 2016, 12:01 am

fluter wrote:
The email was directed to several students who didn't show up for an extra practice session. I asked them to write an apology letter so that I could forgive them and we could move forward with our work.

I shared the letter with a few trusted friends, and the issue seems to be that forgiveness was presented as something transactional, something they needed to earn by doing a task (writing a letter). Maybe forgiveness shouldn't be transactional? I feel so lost and embarrassed.


That's quite an interesting situation to analyze. (I'm an INTJ, what can I say.) I somehow get an Asian cultural feel from the way your describe it -- may I ask if you happen to be Asian? If I were in a formal instructional setting like the one you seem to be describing, I might do the same thing although my wording might be a bit different. I might say, "Write a note of apology and then we will move forward." And when they did it I would say, "Well, I accept your apology, now let's continue."

But to your question, I would certainly agree that one does not need to grant forgiveness (I would say "accept an apology") unless an apology is sincerely offered. (Unless one happens to be God, who I hear offers unconditional forgiveness.)


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kraftiekortie
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20 Apr 2016, 12:10 am

To me, the tone seems somewhat condescending, but not threatening.

It is like telling a school child to write something 100 times so he/she could learn a lesson.

The email should merely have reminded them not to be late.



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20 Apr 2016, 12:27 am

The reprimand probably means they'll keep being late whenever they want to and you'll have no choice but to suck it up.


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fluter
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20 Apr 2016, 7:42 am

Thank you for your feedback everyone! I learned a lot.



fluter
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20 Apr 2016, 7:43 am

No, I'm not Asian, but the people I've confided in over the years have mostly been Asian or Russian.



SocOfAutism
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20 Apr 2016, 10:06 am

Fnord wrote:
Loaded Words:

Boxcar
Cargo
Circuit
Dice
Firearm
Forklift
Luggage
Pizza
Proposition
Question
Software
Truck


Hahahahaha this gave me my first genuine laugh of the day.

"Boxcar."

"Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to violate your 'safe space'!"



zkydz
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20 Apr 2016, 10:23 am

SocOfAutism wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Loaded Words:

Boxcar
Cargo
Circuit
Dice
Firearm
Forklift
Luggage
Pizza
Proposition
Question
Software
Truck


Hahahahaha this gave me my first genuine laugh of the day.

"Boxcar."

"Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to violate your 'safe space'!"
That was good! I had my good moment of the day now :) Tank yew veddy, veddy much...eh? wot, wot?.....hurrumph!!


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SirMiles
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20 Apr 2016, 9:32 pm

"No" and "but"... they are simple and avoiding them can make a difference in certain situations. There is always a different way to phrase things that doesn't sound so negative.


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