A lost letter

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tl;dr - rant

I guess that when you do not know where to start, you just take a go from every single angle until you actually get to the gist of it. Perception and consciousness, I feel, are so important in social interactions, and those who have them working properly aren't even remotely aware of how hard it is to function when the apparatus are a bit skewed.

How exactly do you explain it to someone that the sole goal of your days is to just kill the time until you get to black out again in the form of sleep? How do you explain it to someone that you are unable to take interest in new things because you perceive everything as overly simple, and nothing holds a challenge? How do you tell someone that you do feel something, but you just cannot put it into words, and if you did, you wouldn't even know if that was what you wanted to say? How can you possibly attempt to explain to someone that you won't 'grow out of it' and that you won't go to sleep one day and wake up 'normal' the next day?

How do you tell someone that you just want them to get to know you?

To hear them at least say "I can't even imagine what that's like".

I have been depressed for what seems like my whole life. Alongside that, I've had a few stints where I was a bit suicidal. But I don't think that matters, it shouldn't at least. It seems to me like, despite my need for isolation and self-sufficiency, I need that one person to understand me. Because it doesn't really 'feel' like it is another person, but a piece of me that somehow got lost in someone else. And you only become whole when they are near.

Life is pretty hard when all you keep saying is truth, and people perceive it as lies. Because, to them, it sounds too ridiculous to be true. When they do give you the benefit of the doubt, then they try to explaining to you that "it's not so bad" and start counting down the reasons as to why you may be that way.

No one needs that. At least that is how I see it. I think that everyone, regardless of their conditions or illnesses, should just be accepted for what they are.

This should have been a letter to someone, but it appears to have got lost in the vastness of Interweb.

/rantout

I am of the opinion that there are many things that can challenge somebody.

Nobody is SO brilliant that NOTHING challenges them.

I do hope, some day, that somebody could build a rocket that is able to travel through galaxies. So we can prove, once and for all, that the behavior of phenomena on Earth and in the Solar system is identical to the behavior of phenomena in a place like the Andromeda Galaxy.

Maybe you could be that person?

What I said was not meant to be as grandiose, it was more referring to my personal experience and things I have tried. Something new may indeed be (very) challenging. But first I would need to actually get interested and intrigued by something new. Which happens, well, never.

Emotions can deeply affect our perception of life. Try to find a reason to live that helps you to keep fighting depresion.

What is something that really inspires you?

If by inspire you mean something I actually like doing, then I'd have to say singing and poetry reading.