Dealing with self-hatred

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Why hello there. Over the last 8 years of my life (mid 20's, so around 'adulthood'), I have grown a hell of a self hatred. I do not like myself and if I met a clone of myself, I would probably throw them down a mineshaft. Okay, maybe not that bad but it would at least be a resentment that would have me avoiding that despicable cur and hoping that he stepped on a Lego.

So that is me, I do not like myself. I very rarely think of myself in a positive light because of who I am. But I survive with it. I still hold down a job, it doesn't usually cause an intense weight of hatred, and it usually doesn't get in the way of my other thoughts. I can still have enjoyment, though I don't think I have gone 3 days without the world muting around me for a brief second to think "I hate myself." But then the sound comes back and nothing is different.

Spooky scary stuff but don't worry, I don't think I am actually depressed and don't feel that I am at risk for anything terrible. However, every once in a while that self-loathing bubbles up to the surface like a particularly rank fart in a bathtub. When that happens, it causes that simple understanding to get in the way of my happiness and comfort.

So how do you deal with self-loathing?

I have a lot of self hatred. Pretty much like you describe. I believe it is a symptom of depression. Idk about you, but my life is full of a lot of fail when it comes to just basic living. It's not always easy to like that person (meaning myself). Trying to focus on positive stuff in life helps some. Trying to help others, like posting in this forum, helps some.

Thanks for the reply.

Any other advice, anyone?

You have a great way with words, I loved your fart in the bathtub analogy. Thanks for that, it gave me a laugh on the day that is the saddest day of the year, Mother's Day, because I'm not a mom and I don't have a mom. But back to your point... I have that sort of bubbling up self hatred and it usually occurs when I try to compare myself to others. Thoughts like, "I wish I could have a clean house like her." or "My husband should have marred someone else who could have given him children,". So do you think any of your self hatred is coming from comparing yourself to others?

You let it pass over you. It's just a feeling, nothing more nothing less. You should find something you enjoy like a video game or a movie or exercise that you like to do during those times. Distract yourself from your thoughts. I'm bipolar and suffer from chronic depression. I haven't felt genuinely happy for at least 7 years. I don't think my brain makes that chemical that people say makes you happy, but a lot of things are going right in my life now so it's keeping my afloat. Friends are the best people to talk to during situations like that. When I'm extremely low I confide in my closest friend.