Is nonverbal communication all intuitive?

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Is nonverbal communication all intuitive, even though those with ASD can't automatically read nonverbal cues due to different brain wiring? I would make a guess that it is common sense even among ASD people that smiling and displaying open cues are a comfort signal, and all that, but it's something we tend to struggle with or have to learn overtime due to our different wiring.

Do you find nonverbal cues intuitive even if you don't automatically focus on looking at the signals?

How do you deal with the effort required to read nonverbal cues without making yourself look worn out to your conversation partner?

Haha... I really struggle with this but hadn't cottoned on until recently.

When someone smiles at me it seems I have to notice the smile, process it, think "They're smiling at me; better smile back". By the time that laborious process is through with the other person thinks either I don't like them or I'm in a mood. Both could be true anyway I guess lol. And I can't smile on purpose; I just end up pulling a face.

At work I'm in a position where I have to try and manage people. This is frequently a disaster and I'm beginning to look at other work options now. The thing is someone can respond negatively or with confusion to something I say or ask of them, but I don't know at the time because I just can't read them at all. First I know of it is when someone tells me I've upset someone.

Last thing I'll say on this is that pretty much all my intended communication is verbal, and it tends to be direct and literal. People take offense; they seem to prefer to almost say what they mean and then they have some secret non-verbal thing going on between them. And they assume I can read it too and am playing the same game but I just don't see it and I'm really not communicating any more than I'm speaking.

Ahhhh...flipping Earthlings!! lol

At the time of exhibition, you can say it's intuitive/automatic in most instances other than overt extremes (all mentally able people with an ASD know what say, crying is and that it's due to something bad or saddening; of course, responding to it is different).

After the fact or from the outsider's perspective, you have time to analyze it cognitively. Albeit, you probably won't interpret it as well as the normal individual does at the time of display. But, you can do a better job after the fact if you have an ASD with the less overt displays.

Mostly intuitive, yeah. And, it's not much of a problem compared to other symptoms IMO. If things are misinterpreted, that's what explicit communication is for.

I can't read them except overt displays (which goes with the ASD, of course).

It is largely inituative, although parts of it are learned even by NTs.
Also, i do not think that is it true that those with an ASD can not read bodylanguage; in most of the gatherings i have been to, everyone knew what the other meant without words, just like in a group of NTs.

In my understanding, those with ASD use a different "type" of bodylanguage, which makes us misinterpret many ques, assing the wrong meaning, place meaning where none exists, or assume no meaning where one does exist.

As infants and young children, we NTs learn to associate others' expressions and gestures with certain emotions and intentions. As preschoolers and elementary-age children, we learn more complex words/synonyms to describe those emotions, both from an internal viewpoint, and external. Somewhere along the way, we also learn to differentiate--such as, a furrowed brow and shrugged shoulders probably means confusion and concern, whereas a smile and shrugged shoulders means confusion and bemusement. It's not necessarily that explicit, though--and it's not all visual, because (and you probably know this)--a person's tone of voice matters, too. Some people are harder to "read" than others, some fake their body language*, and not all gestures mean the same thing from culture to culture. The fine-tuning comes from experience, and people can still misread each other, regardless.




*I have strong opinions and thoughts on body language, but I gotta go, so please don't consider that to be my last word on the issue!