Honesty

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I've had a long hard think about a couple of comments people have made to me in other threads. I'm basically trying to understand myself, and to figure out whether going for testing would be a good idea.

I've had a couple of people telling me to be honest, and I've been thinking "Great! Now the autistic guys think I'm lying! Story of my life!" I think my biggest problem in explaining things to people is that I try to simplify things so as not to bore people silly, but I don't know what is relevant, so I leave out crucial information. I've been experiencing this at job interviews as well, I couldn't figure out why people are so distrustful.

I suspect myself of being easily influenced, which is why I try to err on the conservative side. However, I am constantly learning to see things in a new light.

For example, in a recent post I mentioned that I don't have food issues.

Then I had the following conversation with my mother yesterday:

Mother: You should stop eating so fast. You should start chewing your food more, then you wouldn't have so much stomach troubles. (Cue lengthy explanation about the importance of chewing. You really don't want the details.)
Me: But Mom! I can't chew for that long, it makes me want to gag!

I really thought I didn't have food issues.

I don't know how a lot of you guys manage to be so self-aware. I am constantly asking myself whether I'm stimming or not, and the answer is that I wouldn't know, because I am not aware of it when I start humming or tapping my foot or pinching my lips with my finger. I just sometimes become self-aware. And it could all be ADD anyway.

Does anybody relate to this? This is not really me asking whether I'm autistic, I'll leave that to the doctors. I'm just so tired of being a member of a category of one. So I am asking as a human being to other human beings.

Nothing you describe seems out of the ordinary. They are only telling you to be honest with your answers when you self test. That's all. I haven't read the comments you speak of, but I never experienced that. And, I went through everything you describe. Self discovery, finding out things that are actual things that you think are normal for everybody else and then aren't.

Go get evaled. It's the only way to know.

Thank you. Sorry for going AWOL. I'll probably keep doing that though, because I often need a lot of time to figure out how I feel about something.

I freak out a lot. I'm starting the process, but it'll take at least six months before I get near a specialist. I think it is necessary to do something about it though, because I can't keep flip-flopping like this. I need direction.

I think my fear has to do with a huge distrust of authority. I hate the feeling of talking to some expert and feeling that I am the most rational person in the room.

One question remains, though; How to be honest about something you are not aware of? I'm a bundle of contradictions. I can't generalize. A lot of things I don't even notice myself.

However, not doing anything won't fix anything. And I think I know who to ask for advice.

The safest (at least in the sense of making you finally have closure about who you feel/think you are) bet is to get evaluated as zkydz said.

Hope you find what you are looking for.

Sometimes an answer just opens up a bunch of new questions. That's the scary bit. But I guess that is life.

However, I really appreciate that you guys take the time to comment. It means the world to me not to be all alone about this.

i really believe you dont have to worry)
sometimes getting the answers takes a time....
time will pass and you will find out that every thing was for a reason !
Good luck to you!