I don't wanna be autistic anymore

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I just want to be a normal kid who can make friends and connect with them but I feel like I can't do that because i'm autistic. Talking is hard for me and I feel like I don't fit in at all. I mean look at you all, most of you were probably weird and quirky with hardly any friends in your late teens early 20s. I don't wanna be like that, I don't want to be some weird quirky guy that no one likes. And because i'm autistic, i'm destined to a life of never having many friends and being just some socially awkward guy. Imagine telling my gf im autistic, i would never want to do that because autism = loser.

Secondly the media, its all negative. Type in autism on google and nothing positive comes up about us, like we're some curse or autism is a horrible disorder or a lifelong disease. Imagine some 14 year old kid with Aspergers reading that s**t and no wonder many HATE being autistic. I don't wanna be seen as a problem that needs to be cured or a curse because that means something is wrong with me. nobody wants me for who I am. we're all losers.

Finally, imagine your whole life people telling you that you cant do this you cant do that all because ur autistic. Have you read the statistics lately? It's all negative like 80% of autistics are unemployed, the majority don't get into a long term relationship, we're not as succesful in life. I was put into a program that helps teens get jobs all because I was autistic without even trying to find a job on my own and when I turned 18, they tried to get me on social security ALL BECAUSE I WAS AUTISTIC, not because I needed it. I f*****g hate that you know why? Because to me, it means you're autistic so you're a failure. That's how I feel a lot and if your whole life, people give you the impression that something is wrong with you and you're a failure, you will believe it. Because if people tell you something long enough, you will eventually believe it.

My whole life iv'e been autistic and put into programs for people with autism and as a result, iv'e never gotten to experience what it's like to be on my own. As a result, I never grow. The autism life is all I know and will the only life I will ever know.

Yes you will, sir.

I was in "special programs" throughout my school career, too. I was only in "regular" classes from 6th through 8th grade--I almost got expelled from school during that time.

I graduated high school when I was 18--but didn't graduate college until age 45.

However, I became fully independent from my mother at age 20, got my present job at age 19 (I'm 54 now), learned to drive, got married, etc. And I was diagnosed with autism at age 3 (when autism was autism LOL). I was also diagnosed with "brain damage/injury" at about age 4, and Schizoid Personality Disorder at age 15.

Why do you think all hope is lost? Is it because of those idiot research studies which states that there's an unemployment rate of 85% amongst autistic people? You know it's false! Many people on this Site are gainfully employed, have families, etc.

You just have to believe that you're a viable person, rather than a statistic.

Then I wish people didn't treat me like a statistic.

Don't let them!

Just treat people like people. Most people don't have the time to treat you as "autistic"--especially once they become adults and have other things on their minds--like their livelihood.

Aw no you can do things like normal people but it will take 200% more work. You will make many many social mistakes but each mistake brings you closer to succeeding. Do not expect too muvh of yourself and focus on accomplishing very small things. Forget about huge goals as if you do somethinh small that is slightly out of your comfort zone each day then you will certainly get better at socialising. Its a law.

The law is the more you practice something the better you get.

Another law is the more you focus on something the more power you give it, your mind doesnt care if you give it negative thoughts or positive ones but the more you think in either way; your setting a baseline attitude.

Although I may not agree entirely with the opinions presented, the original poster has made some good points.

Something along the lines of 'Once labelled, you are f***ed.'

Yeah it is all negative but ain't that the truth? Just because books and the media says something about autism and the statistics doesn't mean it will be true for you. Just because you hear a lot of negative stories from autistic people or from their family members doesn't mean you will have a bad life or have those experiences. It sucks that people have to look at the label than at the person which is why I don't like telling people I am on the spectrum or that I have it. Problem solved.

I was also in a special program but my parents got me out when I was eight when they realized what it was doing to me and then I was placed in mainstream and my parents never treated me like a label or as disabled. In high school I had to fight to take driver's ed and to take drama and teachers kept trying to hold me back because of the label. I also didn't like when they would tell me I can't do this or that because there would be too many people or be too loud or it's a fast paced environment. I don't like limitations damn it so don't tell me what I can't do. I feel they looked at the condition and had it define and me assumed everything about it was true about me instead of looking at me what I can do and what my weaknesses are.

All right....not autistic people have the experience I described.

I understand your disagreement.

But autism doesn't have to be an never-ending tragedy, either.

There are times when I wish I had a more "autistic" type of mindset--without the negative symptoms, of course. I wish I was able to view objects from more than one vantage point--sort of like how Temple Grandin viewed cows.

OP - I know how you feel. I hate being on the Autistic spectrum too. I like to keep it to myself, as I can pass off as a quirky NT, but I've always got things what are out of my control blabbing out my ASD to the world. If you want to receive help and support, you've got to be prepared to have everybody knowing about your shame. That's what I've learnt. So I've got to either suffer alone or live with the embarrassment of everybody knowing. I don't want everybody knowing, unless I decide to tell people. I think I'l rather suffer alone, or just get support that's not going to be blabbed out, like having a personal counselor to talk to privately, for support and advice. I don't want to have a mentor from disability employment services, getting involved in everything I do job-wise, and the ASD somehow getting round all the employers until everybody in the workplace knows about my shame. I just get embarrassed about it, and I consider it as my personal, private business. I know I shouldn't be embarrassed about it, but I am. I don't like the stigma you get from people that don't understand what it is, and I don't like being presumed to lack empathy when I do not lack empathy, in fact I have too much empathy and I wish I didn't. I remember last week at work I was in the staff canteen having my lunch with other female workers, and they got engrossed in a conversation about rude stuff like penises. It wasn't really my idea of a conversation (although I like my own boyfriend's penis but that is private to me), but I still just laughed along with the others, just to fit in really. But one of the women in the room got a little uncomfortable, and I could see she was offended by the conversation. And she got up rather quickly and quietly and left the room rather abruptly. I could tell by her facial expressions and body language that she wasn't too comfortable with the subject, so I thought to myself ''she must be the type of person who doesn't really do sex talk''. Then I felt a bit embarrassed for her. But nobody else in the room noticed that she had got offended or the way she got up and left the room. So usually I do notice other people's thoughts and feelings through non-verbal actions, just from instinct. Even if I'm in the middle of a conversation or an activity or some other distraction, I still tend to notice other people's moods and their body language.

If you're sick enough of it to try doing something about it you're more than welcome to read (and try) the diet/treatment protocol I've followed for the last couple of years that's led to massive improvements for me.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Good post, I definitely feel the same way now.

I used to think.. hey it isn't so bad I can just stick to solo activities and intellectual pursuits, I'm fine with having this inquisitive and autistic brain at the expense of a normal social life and ability to communicate.. That mindset has crumbled away completely.

The realization that I'm so severely limited in those regards and will thus most likely not achieve things normal people take for granted like relationships and the like, and that my fear of people cripples me and prevents me from doing so much, and also simply of what I have missed out on (namely my whole teen years) has recently sunk in and is contributing greatly to my downfall.

I don't think I'm the problem around here! I wish more people were autism Spectrum!

I only see Autism as a problem because I seem to be the only one with it out of all my family, most of my friends, my colleagues at work, and practically my whole school as a child. As far as I'm concerned, my boyfriend seems to come from an all-NT family too.

That then makes me feel quite bitter, because I'm like ''wow, the chances of being an NT are so huge, why wasn't I in that chance??''

The problem, to me, with being Autistic, is being in the minority. It would be good if it was a little more common than what it is, like if it was common to have at least 5-6 children with visible ASDs per school grade in mainstream schools, as a statistic. Then that child wouldn't feel alone and isolated, and ASDs would be a lot more understood.

If ASDs were that common, then when I was at primary school there would have been at least 20-24 pupils in the entire school with an ASD. Even though ASD would still be a minority, it would still be a lot more than what it is now.

I feel like killing myself for being autistic as well. I tried for many years to try to "balance" myself with people, getting entitlement and intelligence.

I am still trying but if all fails, self euthanasia may be at best. People don't give a f**k about people like me anyway and you were right about the post. That gave me the same experience.

It's such a hard thing to cope with but its how things are. Eugenics are still alive, as they help the NTs more they are allowing me to rot to an extent.

I don't even want to be on the same diagnosis as low functionings who flap their hands around and can barely speak. Why the hell did they have to group us together?! I'm tired of being compared to them. Getting rid of Aspergers diagnosis was a stupid ass decision. Because when most people think of autism, they think of low functioning special needs kids and I hate that! I don't want to be a guy with "special needs" Thats why i'd do anything to not be autistic.

I hate the fact that iv'e known my whole life that i'm autistic and I will never be normal.

I've been autistic all my life as well and did not get any diagnoses till in my 20's....autistic life without support or being in any of the programs you describe is not a bed of roses either, in some ways that is much harder or can be. Of course if you do not need services/accommodations or to take part in any programs meant to help people with autism or other conditions find work I could see why it would be pesky...but are you certain if left entirely to your own devices you'll fare better? And growing is vague...you can certainly grow even if you do have autism, it is possible to improve on skills and even find work around and ways of relieving various symptoms.

And perhaps its best not to call everyone here losers...sure I have autism, I am even on disability but I try to stay away from viewing myself as a 'loser' since that is just counter-productive. But hey if the only problems autism causes you is the way people may think of you if you say you have it, perhaps it is time to cut those services/programs or whatever out of your life and go get a job and go for the normal life you want so bad, unless you already have a job then you don't need to go get one. But yeah the reason you where probably encouraged to get Social Security is because a lot of people on the spectrum aren't able to hold employment...so it would just be getting the process started in case your autism or any other disorders interfere with ability to work since it can take up to a few years from what I hear so best to get an early start in case.

I realize there is stigma being on that sort of program...but when I go out I don't wear a T-shirt that says 'Hey I have autism and collect disability!...look at me!' I mean in real life in public no one has any clue what conditions I may or may not have or what kind of income I have. But simply trying not to be 'one of them' as in other autistic people is not really a good way to counteract stigma because inside you'd still know of your autism and that the stigma exists...I mean I cannot imagine it would be pleasant to be that autistic person who joins in on the mockery/stigma towards autistic people to avoid being made fun of them-self, I understand it is frustrating though.