Handflapping as an adult

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If I get upset or overstimulated I indeed handflap... reciently, my husband mimiced me and said "what is this? Are you trying to get attention?" What can I say? I'm not diagnosed, there is evidence I could be autistic but I can't claim what I might not be! I don't know what to say beyond that I do that when I'm frustrated...

Getting excited or frustrated causes handflapping for me. I don't even know if people look, it doesn't bother me.

Tell your husband that it is a neurological response and it's called stimming. It is part of how the nervous systems regulates itself. NT's do it too but not at the degree that Autistics do it. NT stimming might be tapping their fingers on a desk, twirling their hair, shaking a leg slightly up and down. It's the same concept. They tend to do it when they are nervous or anxious. Autistics stim not only when they are nervous or anxious and stressed, but when they are excited or happy or relaxing, or just when their neurological systems need some regulation and balancing. I personally don't hand flap, it's not one of my stims, but I rock and pace and flex and extend my fingers. I have many ways of stimming but those are examples of some of mine. Stimming is absolutely necessary for Autistics. It is vital to our neurological well being.

Even if you are not diagnosed, if your body needs to stim, it is important that you let it. And you might be Autistic but even if you are not, stimming might still be very important for you so you should not try to stop it. Amythest from her Ask An Autistic youtube series has a good video on stimming. I have put links to two of her videos for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WexCWZPJE6A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEB7nGvJt7I

Last edited by skibum on 03 Jun 2016, 1:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My parents berate me for doing that all the time.

I also pace a lot. I get berated for that too.

Pacing is a big one for me too. Fortunately I learned to stim discreetly, as well as hide most of my Autistic traits when I was living with my parents so they never really noticed.

I flap my hands sometimes. It can be either as a de stressing act, or as an expression of emotion, generally happiness.

I try to notice words or emotions that go along with mine.
They aren't that frequent and mostly at home.
At work I do the traditional finger taping or magician rolling a coin on my fingers.

Have you ever answered him with any identified emotion.
When I was younger I only knew happy or rage. Now I sometimes can bring words to identify feeling.
Me --- level one

Haha, I did too. Annnnd that's why I don't live with them anymore.
My mom/dad used to pin me down (or hold me down- usually my legs) and look at me "STOP DOING THAT" it didn't scare me or anything I was just like f**k you- and kept on doing it.
Alternatively, something else I did was just avoid them so they didn't see it/created more subtle stimms & then just didn't stimm in their presence... which led to the avoiding aspect.
Such stupid and unnecessary behavior.
----

I hand flap/reclaimed my hand-flapping later on after repressing it like hell. I bounced up and down more which for some reason is more socially acceptable. I also twirl and giggle when happy/excited or clap my hands- because those are all more socially acceptable "childish" stimms that- as a female- I can get away with. So, not necessarily that I prefer those, but I can get away with them more. Music helps. even if nothing is playing haha just stimming and then having earbuds in- people think I'm enjoying the music- which is sometimes the case.
Hmm, if it were angry stimming/nervous stimming... I would shake my leg. that's my main one- because NTs do that too, it's not too relaxing, but takes the edge off to prevent me from melting down/shutting down.
Doesn't really work- so I've started relying on dissociating more and more... which isn't great, but it's for now.

I rock myself back and forth a bit or move my legs around to calm myself, may parents would make fun of this too, if they ever actually paid attention to me haha

I'm a hand flapper.
Most of the time it's an automatic response, so it's obviously not used for consciously getting attention.
That's like saying if you sneeze you're only doing it for attention.

On the other hand, if you were upset and non-verbal, perhaps he was asking in a roundabout way if the hand flapping meant you needed his help.
Perhaps he doesn't know what to do when you do that.

You could tell him the hand flapping means you're feeling X emotion, and when you do it you would like him to do Y. (Go away, hug you, help you, whatever)

Side story some what related

My 94 year old father in law has tremors

He had his empty coffee cup in his hand.
In my mind I at first thought he was shaking it meaning give me coffee NOW.
I finally -(Duh thought this college educated supposedly compassionate guy) realized it was his tremors.

me - level one

I have a constant rhythm going on both in my mind and outward stimming.
If I stop I hear every little sound around me at once, including my own breathing.
Stimming seems to regulate my input so I can think and focus on my inner world.
My mother was always trying to stop my finger flicking.
I have been doing this since an early age and it seems automatic and it is part of me.
And it's necessary.

I have bad wrists--so I really can't hand flap without being in pain.

I do other things---like rock back and forth.

I flap when excited.

I actually started flapping as an adult. To the best of my knowledge I didn't flap as a child (I had other stims, but not flapping). But then I worked with an autistic kid who was a happy-flapper and started flapping around him to share excitement with him, and it became a habit.

I've also mimicked other kids' stims, like this one Rett girl's handclasping, but the flapping is the only one that stuck.

Aww, that's kind of cute of the kid ^^.
I happy stimm ... a lot haha, some people think it's "adorable" and others just think it's dumb or "unneeded" <- the most diplomatic way I've heard so far haha of saying STOP THAT s**t.
I started hand-flapping naturally to cover up a different stim that my mom didn't like... but then that got a lot of attention too.... but I guess because I look childish enough most people find it endearing for now. I might change it up later

Happy-flappers make me so happy. I can't do it myself - maybe someday - so I just soak it up with a big goofy smile and on my face. Sometimes if someone I know is happy-flapping i'll...huh. I wonder if happy flapping *is* an autistic communication...to other autistics! Why communicate with facial expressions when this is so much better? The first time I saw someone do it I knew exactly what it was; I assume that's what NT people feel/think/intuit when they see a happy facial expression?