Aspie or not?

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Hello there. I am 37 yrs old and I discovered this forum site just yesterday.

I am having some social interaction issue regarding myself and other issues like depression for a long time now. Right now my depression is now suppressed after I've been hooked up with medication from 2007 till 2013. When I was with my psychiatrist during those times, I was not really totally honest with my issues in life. I often omit things I deem that could affect greatly with my relationships with my family whom I am really greatly dependent.

I've been hearing about Aspergers for a very long time now, but yesterday was the time when I really have considered that I might have been an Aspie all along. I took some online exam and the results are as follows:

a) The Aspie quiz with 117 items: it says my neurodiverse is 131 and neurotypical is 79. And it says I'm most likely neurodiverse (Aspie).
b) The RAADS exam that I took: it says my total score is 152 and the threshold for males with suspected ASD is 144.7.

Anyway I've been really struggling with myself socially as far as I can remember especially when I changed schools when I was in the 5th grade. I am always finding it hard to keep in touch with those I considered friends at that time whether those I made during grade school, high school, college, and even my first job. Whenever in any gathering, I find it hard to relate with what they are talking about most of the time. I can only relate and know how to interact whenever it's about cartoons, school work and other things that might interest me. If you all will going to ask if there is anybody from my past that I am in contact with all I can tell that there are none. I know how to contact them through facebook but I don't know what to tell them. I haven't added any of them either. I recently created a facebook account but I actually don't use it. There are so many fears lingering in my mind in case somebody that I used to know might contact me and ask me to have some meet ups.

I am scheduled tomorrow to meet with my mom's former colleague in work who's a clinical psychologist. I even told my mom about what I think that I might be an Aspie. And I even told her to read some articles about Aspies to have a deeper understanding of my situation.

Right now, I am feeling a bit frustrated since I've got a feeling that she is a bit of in denial that I might be an Aspie. She told me as far as she had known me since my childhood and according to what she is reading, she can't have a clear grasp of it that it is a possibility in my situation. Even yesterday, I got also a feeling that she was trying not for me to find out if I'm an Aspie and for me just to move on in my life and just train myself to change what I think is lacking of me. I told her it's important to me cause I want to know why I am like this for years. She actually believes that everybody actually experiences all these things I opened up about myself to her and it is just normal.

Good luck in your assessment.

Even if you're not an Aspie (according to the clinical psychologist), you're still welcome here.

Thanks. I hope I can find better understanding of myself as I stay here.

Welcome, mjc27!

I'm glad you took those self-tests. Those are my two favorite self assessments. Your other two proactive steps, making an appointment with a psychologist or psychiatrist and reading up on the autism spectrum as described by autistics themselves, are what I personally recommend when struggling with these identity issues.

I'm a neurotypical sociologist who studies autistic adults from the perspective that autistics are the ultimate authorities on their own experiences. Believe it or not, this is a radical and somewhat new viewpoint.

I have taken both the RAADS-R and the Aspie quiz myself. I find the "threshold" values to be a little confusing, so I like to use my own scores as a comparison, since I'm a person who is definitely not autistic. So my Aspie quiz score is 36 neurodiverse and 175 neurotypical. My RAADS-R is 20 total (2 language, 2 social relatedness, 4 sensory/motor, and 12 circumscribed interests). You might want to take a look at how your RAADS-R is broken down. This can vary quite a bit for different people. I have noticed that people with a low language score often complain that people will not believe that they are autistic. This is because they "sound neurotypical." Some people with a low social relatedness say things about not "feeling autistic" because they are drawn to people. Lots of autistic people are social so this can sometimes be a point of confusion.

It might help in these conversations with your mom to ask her what her general understanding of autism and autistic people are. She could have outdated knowledge with a distorted picture of what an autistic person is like. So when she tries to imagine you as that kind of a person, it doesn't fit. If you could first make sure that she truly understands the autism spectrum, it might be a better place to start in having conversations with her about where you may fit on it.

I remember when my husband was diagnosed in his 30s it was a little baffling at first. The autistic traits that my husband and his siblings displayed were never seen as negative in their family. They received a lot of positive reinforcement for them. Even if they were doing something weird, the worst reaction they got was a chuckle. So they all grew up with pretty high self esteem and are all doing pretty well as adults in their 30s and 40s. When it became clear that all or most of them were autistic, it was a little difficult to accept at first, because they had so few problems in life. Sometimes it's like this, and often it only appears like this to a family member who always sees you in the best possible light.

Sorry for the long reply. I just think if presented in a gentle way, your mom is a lot more likely to come around. You're going about your information gathering in a great, thorough way, so I think that will help this whole process for you as well.

@SocOfAutism Thanks for the reply. The issue with my mom earlier today was because of some misunderstanding between us. I myself is a very secretive person. I intend not tell people of things about myself unless it was really needed. Actually when she was telling me all of these things earlier, I realized that I had felt mixed emotions defending what I'm feeling that I began to realize since yesterday against what she thought I am during my childhood. I felt a bit of angry, frustrated and had even started to shun myself from talking with her. The good thing was she initiated talking with me, so we had some conversation and we agreed that we'll go on with my initial assessment tomorrow with a psychologist. After that if we'll be able to afford it, I will go for the test that will be needed to further assess me since we do not know how much it will cost here in my country.

About the breakdown of my RAADS-R, I did the test in my older brother's computer. I'll be able to check into it tomorrow since he's using his PC right now. And I'm having a hard time on how to talk to him since we're not talking with each other for days now. My mom said that he's having difficulty on how to communicate with me since I am moody most of the times. But for me that's not the case, I'm feeling like he's a bit of mad at me which at times I'm feeling I'm reading him the wrong way. I hope he starts talking with me again cause I'm having a hard time especially if I'm going to be the one initiating it. Being a loner most of my life adds a lot of pressure and stress whenever things like these happens.

Do you think you could just ask your brother, "Are you mad at me? I can't tell." < The "I can't tell" part is important because some people might assume that you KNOW whether or not he's mad and are picking a fight by asking. Then he could either say yes or no, you could respond and then you could ask if you could use his computer to do X, Y, Z.

It sounds like you're making good progress with your mom.

If your mom thinks everybody is like this, she might be on the spectrum herself.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. Feel free to descibe to us how the assessment goes.

@ASPartOfMe I don't think my mom is on the spectrum. I'm just feeling that she is just trying to discourage me from finding out and having a confirmation that I am within the spectrum. Based in my experience of her, she could be an over-protective mom and might be just thinking it could really affect me negatively if I had the confirmation.

@SocOfAutism I don't think I have the guts that I can do that. Problem is I can perceive my brother as having anger management issues at certain times especially if he got rubbed the wrong way. (i.e. in driving whenever his encountering reckless drivers and many more regarding issues with our father.) I can't handle overall if I have major conflicts in my life. The last time I felt like this I got depressed very bad and wasn't been able to function very well for weeks. Anyway it is a very long story but the good thing is that I had help from an unexpected relative that truly helped me recover.

About RAADS-R, I read the results the wrong way. I thought the threshold that the sentence about was referring in the table was the average score for males with suspected ASD. I don't know why I haven't noticed the Threshold values for suspected ASD label as it is very obvious.

Anyway my results are as follows:
Total Score: 152.0
Language: 5.0
Social Relatedness: 71.0
Sensory/Motor: 38.0
Circumscribed Interest: 38.0

I would like to ask if is it necessary if I'll do also the other test like FQ, AQ, EQ and SQ.

Welcome!

Maybe take a break from the tests at this point and do a bit of research too? There are booklists on older threads, a particularly recommended book is Tony Attwood's "Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" and there are some useful videos and articles by him online too, he provides a more balanced view than a lot of the other "experts".

This may interest you:

http://www.lifeonthespectrum.net/blog/?page_id=1001

@B19 Thanks for your reply. I took both tests two days ago and what I'm doing right now is the research part. The link that you gave me there I think will be a great read for sure. I've already browsed it and I'm satisfied with it. This forum site, in my opinion, I think is also a great help as I can actually relate to most of the things I read so far.

Anyway, I just came from the clinical psychologist I've been referring to above in my previous post. As expected, the first thing that she asked me is why I think I have AS. Our conversation lasted for two hours and her initial assessment was that everything we talked about falls under the spectrum. The problem is two hours isn't enough for all the issues I have in life. So her evaluation is that I need to undergo the official psychological assessment test and afterwards undergo a series of therapies and counseling as I am prone to depression and having suicidal tendencies.

Generally, I like the conversation we had overall. She's very understanding and she even told me that she is a bit of amused on how I was able to handle the events in my life where for sure many others would give up. The only thing that made me uneasy was that when she asked me if I feel "inferior" to others wherein I can only answer yes or no as my initial answer of perhaps was not accepted by her. I find it hard to say yes even if I know it is yes.

I really hope I can be successful in getting a schedule for an assessment as the cost for it I'm told is really expensive here as well.

Welcome to wrong planet
Do you have any strong interests?(Example:I have strong interests everything related to science.
Stimming? (Repeated movements,twirling hair,bobbing your head...)

Here's one you can compare with: (mine)

Thank you.

When I was a kid my primary interest is anything related to maps, flags, or geography. But now, not more of those things, but more on things you can considered as trivias and even puzzles. Also, cooking.

As for stimming, I can calm down a little bit if I will be holding onto something particular like a small towel. That's why I always bring one. But my stimming habits includes pacing and peeling of skin. When I used to be working in an office, it is really hard as I can not do the pacing part when I'm in stressed since I don't want to be branded as the weird guy.

I have this problem where when I speak about my special interest or anything else that I find interesting I get excited and speak too fast.Even writing about it.
Maybe you have something similar?
Any who good luck!

I do things like that sometimes especially whenever I found someone whom I could talk to about my interest. The problem most of the time is that there are almost none at all here who have the same interest as mine. When I am able to talk to somebody and that somebody tells me to let him/her finish what they have to say, I'm feeling a bit of frustrated as I could not wait for my turn to talk or even I do not know how I could make it my turn to talk. I find it hard to adjust as I was thought since childhood for me to always wait for my turn in anything I do.

O.T. :
I really don't like those spam threads which suddenly appeared.

Spam threads that suddenly appeared?
Not sure if this bothers you,but what are you interested in that few people don't share that same interest?
Don't answer if you don't want to,just say so and I'll stop asking.

Actually what I meant by my previous post is that the "here" is in my house or city where I live. They don't listen to me or sometimes make me stop if they find what I'm talking about is not interesting. But as for others talking about their interest, I don't mind it really for them telling me about it. That's why sometimes, they thought I'm a good listener but the truth is that I don't know what to say or ask.

But if the topic is what I can relate with, that's when I'm having difficulties to know when it will be my turn to talk.