acceptance of others

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greetings all,

one of the biggest struggles that i encounter and have for my life is that others take advantage, say things, do things and are down right mean at times... the thing is, i never did and still sometimes don't see it until someone points it out to me that something bad is happening. am i that blind to behaviors of others? am i too trusting? or does my brain not even process that anything is bad at all? i can see good in people and at times am a great listener... it is the bad things that are aimed at me that really get me only after it is pointed out.

anyone else have this happening?

with peace,
JanusOne

This type of thing is believed to be common for people on the Autism Spectrum as it believed that Autistics and "typical" people communicate non verbally differently.

In the big picture, we live in cultures that are increasingly narcissistic (it seems to me), and the feelings of others aren't part of the narcissist's equation, because for them other people are mere tools rather than human beings whose sensitivities matter, unless those sensitivities are weaknesses the Narcs can exploit as instrumental for the narcissistic as a means to an self-serving end.

The ratrace has become a lot rattier, in both number, method and intention. Some politicians and would-be politicans now openly model narcissism as a virtuous behaviour to be proud of in themselves, and that too has a flow on social effect.

People characteristically either operate from goodwill or illwill. That you operate from goodwill is a virtue, because lack of malice ennobles a character. However if you don't have good boundaries and self-protection skills, then you can be very vulnerable, especially to the power-trippers and narcs that are to be found nearly everywhere in these troubled times.

From http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2669224/:
Prevalence of lifetime NPD was 6.2%, with rates greater for men (7.7%) than women (4.8%).
If these statistics are roughly realistic, and if you add up to 3% of psychopaths in corporations (conservative estimate from Robert Hare), then up to 10% of people in corporate environments are highly dangerous for socially naive people such as Aspies.

Recently here on WP I saw a link to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Vaknin, a psychopathic narcissist, who observes that Western individualised capitalist societies are the perfect playground for narcissists.
https://www.amazon.com/Malignant-Self-l ... B00HDJF7HC

I did not know how strong narcissistic traits can become. After reading a bit about the topic it starts to make sense, and I am reminded of many characters that I've come across in the corporate world. Sam Vakin claims that narcissists make up large numbers within the psychological profession. Narcissists require "narcissistic supply", and becoming a psychologist is a way of establishing a source of "narcissistic supply".

As a result NPD does not receive much attention in psychological research, and instead all kinds of other behaviours are pathologised. Sam Vakin sort of proves the point by the way [the ignorance] in which he talks about the autistic spectrum, speculating that autism must be the result of babies who have had negative social experiences and have subsequently retracted into a non-social world. What becomes very clear is that narcissists are incapable of understanding intrinsic motivation, and that Aspies have a high chance of running into such people when seeking support, and being "accepted" as "narcissistic supply" rather than as a fellow human with specific limitations and needs for support.

The actual incidence must be (much?) higher because those percentages would be based (I assume) only on clinical samples, and the vast majority of Narcs would never be diagnosed nor seek help because they don't see themselves as impaired in any way, nor feel any discomfort about their exploitation of others for their own gain. Of all the personality disorders they are generally considered as the least likely to present clinically and when they do, it is more likely to be an involuntary circumstance after their manipulations and/or crimes have been exposed. Most get away with their abuse of the human race for a lifetime, often starting as "golden children" and often with at least one narc parent whose influence is stronger than any other...

Have heard that autistic people can be too trusting and get taken advantage of. And have read meany times people with autism saying they have experienced this. I think with some people with autism is they have no agenda for others. And are not good at seeing that kind of thing in others. I don't think I am all that good at seeing this either, but am naturally withdrawn and cautious of others. So that is a help to me I think.

I am reluctant to speculate on actual incidence, but yes, these numbers represent a lower bound. What I think is having an enormous effect is the imitation of narcissistic behaviour by others, especially if the narcissists are the ones operating from a position of social power.

It is no wonder that anyone who is either "impaired" via sensory issues or unwilling to play the social games is "disabled".

Yes, that's a good point you make, I think, jbw: if you have a growing and spreading cultural ethos of validated narcissism, then AS people are going to be even more marginalised, as truth itself becomes a tool of manipulators and manipulation and not an embedded cultural value or standard of ethical behaviour.

Cultures, value systems, and even the most basic values are always in flux, and have always been in flux.

The more narcissistic a society, the more will hyper-competitiveness be interpreted as human nature, and not as a cultural belief or assumption. Truth becomes a casualty of social gaming.

There are two mutually reinforcing developments that are currently driving cultural change. These two developments are described quite well in the following books:

1. Zero marginal cost communications (peer to peer, global, real-time and near real-time)
http://thezeromarginalcostsociety.com/
Synopsis: https://youtu.be/5-iDUcETjvo

2. The digitisation of the corporate operating system that powers all modern economies
http://www.rushkoff.com/books/throwing- ... oogle-bus/
Synopsis: https://youtu.be/DQKQKCe1xl0
The 6 minute version on "gamification": https://youtu.be/6_n1Dro0Uec

I can recommend both books.

Below the surface (largely invisible in mainstream media), there is a big bottom up shift towards distributed peer-to-peer production, whilst on the surface, established institutions continue to wield their powers, resorting to more and more extreme measures to remain relevant, and in the process invalidating anything that contradicts established dogma, as needed emulating aspects of peer-to-peer production in order to be perceived as "progressive".

These two sources of economic power are moving against each other like tectonic plates, generating tensions and earthquakes along the boundary.

I like to trust people, but not in a naive way, if that makes sense.

When I was still single, there was this man I knew, who just wanted to see me for sex. He thought I was naive because I 'believed' the lies he told me. He told me these lies to make it sound that this was a real relationship, and he blamed work, the weather, illness, and transport, for not being able to see me much (when it was clear that he had a wife and family). His lies were brilliant, but I still didn't believe most of them, and I only played along because I really fancied him and I was lonely too. Also I'm very tactful, and another thing is I WANTED to believe the lies but I still knew they were lies. Yes I know it was wrong of me to let him carry on with me behind his wife's back.