Me vs. Parents who think meltdowns can "go away"

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My parents think I have meltdowns because I want to and I should stop having them. They don't think it's "normal" for someone who's almost 20 to have a "tantrum" as they call it.

While it is true that I can hold a meltdown in at times to satisfy others, if I do this for a long while, I get an "explosion" which is like a super-meltdown/suicidal or homicidal episode that lands me in an emergency type situation. I've had several of these in my life, all after prolonged periods of "holding it together."

Regardless, they don't want me having a meltdown. Also we can't figure out why my "meltdown feelings" start bubbling up around the same time each day, and is worse on certain days of the week.

I also have difficulty holding in my meltdowns, and can relate to "exploding" if I do. My explosions, however, generally involve suicidal behavior, rather than homicidal behavior. I never want to hurt anyone else, but I'll admit, sometimes I do want to hurt myself...

Parents will always want you to "mature", and people without Asperger's don't always understand those with Asperger's. It's not always the other way around. Do you have a therapist? Maybe you should see if your therapist can help you deal with these fits and advocate for yourself.

Also, I have to ask, have you been diagnosed with anything other than Asperger's? What you're describing sounds like there could be something else going on as well...perhaps a mood disorder of some sort.

Let_It_Go's advice is good. You can't really get rid of your meltdowns--that's just the way you are, and it's a part of autism. Don't try to hold them back if that leads to suicidal episodes. Is there a place you can go to have meltdowns in privacy?

I have mood disorder nos but no dx. I could go in my closet, but sometimes I am being triggered by something another person did/said and once they've gotten me upset, I have trouble focusing enough to go into another area, especially if the person is continuing to yell (e.g. "don't walk away from me, lady, I'm not done with you yet!" type of statements)

Although going out of the room can sometimes help (like quickly removing yourself from the situation) you have to make sure you don't do anything negative (like destroy something) while you are away trying to calm down. It may be a good thing to learn how to spot your emotions before anything really bad happens. Something my therapist once suggested to me is to figure out the feeling I have before I start really getting upset and going into a fit...by which she meant the feeling right before the tantrum happens, but still far enough away from the tantrum that you can stop yourself, calm yourself down, or otherwise remove yourself from the situation whether mentally or physically.

As for people following you and continuing to provoke you, I have little advice to give regarding that. I have too much trouble with that situation myself already. :/

Is it something in your schedule on those certain days? The happening at the same time each day is likely just because you reach your tolerance threshold assuming that your wake times and everything else is somewhat the same. I don't think it's at all possible to hold in an actual meltdown. Sure, you could hold in the little things that could very well collectively lead to a meltdown but that would seem counterproductive haha. Maybe learn to be aware of when you're getting to that point before it finally gets there and then set aside time to de-stress?

I can sympathize with your situation a bit, because my parents seem to be of the belief that I am in control of how well I tolerate certain sensory issues. As if I actively choose to be brought to the brink of sanity and tortured by whatever it is . I've actually had people in my family intentionally push my buttons (sensory or otherwise) and be humored by it, but then once I react as they know I will, it's completely my fault and a "Whoa, what's your problem?" kind of deal.

BTW, if it's your parents that are usually the ones to continue to yell at you once you've started to reach a tipping point then you should have a conversation with them and tell them to stop engaging you in these situations. They should be willing to do so considering they're the ones saying the situation needs to change.

Last edited by Logston on 24 Feb 2015, 5:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Whenever you have a meltdown, I would just walk away and be alone and prefer to not have anyone bother me. If you know what causes them, I would try and avoid those situations. I understand that sometimes a situation can't be avoided so a meltdown may happen unless you know a way to stay calm so it won't happen.

Maybe tell them that any time you get really upset you need a time out or you'll totally lose control, and that after you calm down you will listen to more of what they have to say. It's possible they don't understand properly why you walk away and are taking it as something insulting.

They may not understand or honor this request, but it's all I can think of.

If it happens at the same time each day, it may be related to your blood sugar or a reaction to something you are eating. If you are eating wheat and dairy each day for lunch and start to meltdown an hour later, you might have gluten or casein sensitivity; or if you are skipping lunch and melting down before dinner comes you might be getting "hangry" (hungry + angry) from low blood sugar.

My parents complained of me having meltdowns in my teens & 20s too. Things my parents do or say & way they react to me were usually the reasons I had a meltdown in the 1st place. Things got alot better 1ce I moved in with my girlfriend & I almost never have meltdowns now.

^this, obviously that is not something that helps in those situations....if they want less meltdowns they need to be willing to do their part not to keep provoking when you're trying to walk away from the situation to calm down.

This topic is kind of old, but I can relate to this. I just had a meltdown today, and immediately ran to my room to try to get away from the situation, but instead of leaving me alone, my dad started yelling at me through the door, then kept telling me to unlock my door, and eventually took a screwdriver to unlock my door from the other side (we have those doorknobs with a small hole on the other side for that purpose), and then pulled me out and back into the living room to harass me even further. My mom finally intervened so I could have some quiet time for myself.

It's bad enough having a meltdown, and even worse when your parents provoke you.

haha my parents call it "my time of the month" and generally don't mind it, i mean i guess its because it sort of builds up all day then i go to my room and you know, melt down, on my own until i fall asleep. seems to work pretty well because i can't share my feelings with people, i just don't talk to people about things like that so i guess it works for me. it never really occurred to me that people might want me to stop doing it, i guess its not inconveniencing anyone. although my dad tells me to "grow up, we shouldn't have to dance around your feelings all the time" which i guess he's right, they don't, and shouldn't have to. to be honest thats probably why i can't talk about my feelings unless its somewhere like a forum such as this one, i take my dads opinion to heart and he generally has very criticizing opinions with me.